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Blended Families
Ok Ladies, wanted to run this one by you for advice....
So, For those of you who don't know me, BM and I have a decent relationship. My Sd is 7, I've been in her life for almost 4 years, and we all live in the same town. BM makes me crazy and is a pain, but she thinks we are friends.
For those of you that remember the post where I was asking about bringing the cake to the party BM was holding, well, she asked me so I brought it, and it was weird but she seemed pleased that I wanted to help out, rather than annoyed that I hadn't done more.
The current question revolves around BM getting ready for her wedding later this year. I guess she won a "spa day" from Davids Bridal. She sent me a text asking me if I wanted to go. I had pretty much decided against it, but when we went to exchange SD, she asked DH if he minded if she "borrowed" me for a couple hours. She then goes on to say that she doesn't have very many girlfriends, adn the party is for 8 people and she only has three coming (one is her future DH, which is kinda weird but whatever), and she made a big deal about wanting me to come. She basically said she would sign me up as a guest, and if I couldn't make it thats ok.
Do I go? Like I said, we have a decent relationship for the sake of SD, but we aren't friends. I don't want to put myself in a situation that could come back to bite me, and my DH is kinda uncomfortable with us 'hanging out". He says because she made an accusation a long time ago about threatening to call the cops and making a false report of abuse (by DH against her, not SD), so he is worried she will do something, or try and get something against me because DH is transfering in a year and we all have to go back to court. I can't think of anything she could get against me, or do to me, but you never know. SO
WWYD?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Ok Ladies, wanted to run this one by you for advice....
ditto! I'll go if you cant
I probably wouldn't go. Just weird. I KNOW DH wouldn't want me to go.
But...a part of me thinks, if you know you're going to end up back in court, do you think she'll try to pull something there? I couldn't hurt you to be able to say...x months ago we got along well enough for me to come to this. But obviously not everyone is like that, and she may not.
ETA: It's early, and I'm tired, and on pain killers...so if that doesn't make any sense, just ignore me!
I would advise against it if your BM is anything like mine. She seems like she wants us all to get along then in a flash she can turn something around on us to try to use against us. I posted a week or two ago about my DH going to work with BM. Well we both ended up going for two days and DH went an extra day when I didn't have a sitter for the boys. On the one day that I didn't go, BM tried to "get me in trouble" with DH by showing him a text that I had sent her. She made it sound like I was trying to be sneaky. But much to her surprise, I tell my DH everything, especially about her and our conversations. So, this time her tactic didn't work and it kind of pushed things back for a us a little bit in terms of how our relationship was looking up.
The actual text wasn't anything bad, it was about us changing to a weekly schedule with SS instead of every other day switching. She asked me what DH thought about it, because the last time she mentioned it, DH said it would be hard on him (DH) to get used to. I responded with, "DH will have to get used to it, its for SS's benefit". Apparently she thought that response was scandilous and that I wouldn't tell DH about this conversation.
Needless to say we have stopped all text messages between the 4 of us (Myself, DH, BM, and BM's BF) unless it is strictly about pick up/drop off times. IDK I just wouldn't "hang out" with BM, especially after this incident.
Ok, I was trying to let this one go, but i'm seriously annoyed.
I've been posting on this board for a while and, you being a newbie, I understand you don't know me or my situation, but you have no idea what you are talking about.
My DH isn't comfortable with me going because BM has proven herself to be a liar and a user for years. She has caused all kinds of trouble for him and I and he's worried about me. It has nothing to do with some"macho" reason and not wanting "his" (and that I find most offensive, as he has nothing to do with her that isn't involving SD, and certainly doesn't consider her "his") women. Besides, if my husband isn't comfortable with the situation any spa treatment isn't worth causing, even momentary, tension in my marriage.
And for what it's worth, he never told me I couldn't go. He said he wasn't comfortable, but it was entirely up to me if I went. He actually suggested I post to my group, to get some extra feedback, to see if maybe he was just being worried for nothing.
On that note, thank you to everyone who posted
He'll probably want to read the responses himself, for other opinions. I'll let you all know how it goes! 
I know it seems crazy to be friends with my DHs ex but, I am oddly enough. She is the BM to my two SDs. Our pleasent relationship has made parenting my SDs more comfortable. Our girls often get the pleasure of enjoying both of their birth parents and step-parents at events without tension.
As far as the spa day...obviously if it makes you or your DH uncomfortable and you have a sorted past with her I would say no. But an interesting side note, my SDs BM and I went for manicures and pedicures together twice (once she paid for everything because she knew I was stressed). I kind of enjoy the friendly relationship we have because we have children in common and have become a parenting team.