Another Foster to Adopt question

GingerBabyJ

I read the post below, but I have a little bit of a different question. I am actually not looking to adopt an infant. Honestly I would prefer an 18 month-24 month child. The catch is my husband wants a Caucasian boy. It sounds terrible, but his reasons are well intentioned. My question is, does anyone have experience with this. Are there typically toddlers available, or is it more of school age kids?

Go_Dawgs

You will most likely have to wait many years if you are so specific that you want a caucasian boy between 18 and 24 months.  Honestly, I would say that foster to adopt is most likely not the route for you to take unless you are willing to adopt a child with pretty substantial special needs or you are willing to be much more flexible with your requirements.

Healthy, young children in foster care are EASILY adoptable, meaning there are tons and tons of people who are desire to adopt.  This is even more true for a young caucasian child.  Adding a gender preference will make it even more difficult.

The children who are readily available through foster to adopt are older (5+), African American over age of 1, part of a sibling group (where you would have to adopt the entire group), or have some special needs (health issues or serious behavior issues).  Pretty much all other children will be somewhat difficult to adopt through foster care (but not impossible), but the more criteria you include, the more difficult (ore even impossible) you make it to adopt.

ctbride08

in my area, its really a crapshoot what is "available" at any one time.  that being said, in training we were told that the state is most in need of parents licensed for 0-5 because many foster parents don't want to deal with daycare.  So waits are shorter in that age bracket.  The request for a caucasion boy would prove more of a wait than your age preference - but that will also depend on your area. in my county, the majority of foster kids are not white. 

GingerBabyJ

That's kind of what I thought. To me it doesn't matter, race, or gender. But my husband cares. Maybe this isn't for us. Although I don't think we would be that specific on age or gender. my husband is kind of narrow minded about it and he wants our child to look like they fit with our family so it makes it easier on the child, I am definitely not saying I agree with that last statement

Go_Dawgs

ctbride08:

in training we were told that the state is most in need of parents licensed for 0-5 because many foster parents don't want to deal with daycare.  

Is this for foster care in general, or specifically foster to adopt?  I can see why a person just wanting to foster would want a school age child, but it's very surprising if individuals hoping to adopt actually prefer to adopt a child over 5.

Go_Dawgs

Have you considered international adoption?  I don't know much about it as we weren't interested in spending all of the money for travel, and also because we want a newborn.  However, I do know that most children adopted from other countries are toddlers or older, and maybe you wouldn't be terribly limited by a gender preference.

PrincessShay80

In our county it's random what comes in and what is available. I know several people who have adopted through foster care and adopted caucasian children and they got them at all age ranges. We got our DD when she was 5 weeks old, and most of my friends that I have met got their kids when they were infants, we tend to have a lot of infants in our county.

That being said, there are other ages that I have seen- I think its going to be hard to find a child that is that age specific. In our county there are a lot of school age kids that are legally free and ready to be adopted.

 

ctbride08

Go_Dawgs:

ctbride08:

in training we were told that the state is most in need of parents licensed for 0-5 because many foster parents don't want to deal with daycare.  

Is this for foster care in general, or specifically foster to adopt?  I can see why a person just wanting to foster would want a school age child, but it's very surprising if individuals hoping to adopt actually prefer to adopt a child over 5.

There's not really a differentiation between foster and foster to adopt any more. But, I would guess that you are right in that most of the foster parents in 0-5 are eventually hoping to adopt and maybe its less of a goal for foster parents in 5+.

Temp206787500007404

In our county (or in the state really) -- you can't really request a CC child under the age of 3.  If one becomes available and you match, they will place.  But you can't put that down as a preference.

Mrs_Liberto

GingerBabyJ:

That's kind of what I thought. To me it doesn't matter, race, or gender. But my husband cares. Maybe this isn't for us. Although I don't think we would be that specific on age or gender. my husband is kind of narrow minded about it and he wants our child to look like they fit with our family so it makes it easier on the child, I am definitely not saying I agree with that last statement

IMO, you and your husband should attend some seminars/webinars/info sessions re: adoption (including a couple on transracial and fostering) before you just completely write it off.

I think a lot of your husband's assumptions are common for people new to adoption due to fear of the unknown; it might help you both to learn a little about the process before abandoning it completely. 

GL, I am in a similar situation w/ my husband and it's a tough compromise. 

gigglegurls10

I work with a semi-private foster agency where you can request specific ages and races.  In my foster experience, just because you ask for something does not mean you are going to get it.  For instance, my husband and I requested sibblings 0-4 and have never received a call for sibblings or children in the desired age range but accepted them anyway.  I agree with previous posts that foster care is definitelly hit or miss in regards to placement and having a small window of children you accept will definitelly limit your placements.  If you leave your options open it does not mean you have to accept the placement when they call. Good Luck to you! There are many ups and downs in foster care but I am still happy that we made the decision to foster!