Need advice

~appletini~

And I will DD in a bit.

My friend (who I have been friends with since elementary and am very close with) has a BBQ every year in May.

Last year, her dog attacked my son, totally unprovoked (he wasn't teasing or touching the dog, no food involved, etc) and put several scratches and a tooth mark puncture near his eye.  We got very lucky, it was minor injuries...she immediatey put the dog in training etc.

She sent out the invite for her party last week, and I asked her if the dog would be there.  She said her and her husband had a heated debate about that: she wants to put the dog in a kennel for the day, her husband does not.  he feels that the dog is like their kid and if their kid had hit my kid, would I expect them not to have their kid at the party? IMO, this is totally different, as a kid hitting another kid isn't dangerous, but a dog attack is.

 She said she has to respect that her husband has feelings on this and has agreed to keep the dog there, either chained to a tree or on a leash that she holds the entire time.

We had a mature conversation and both agreed that we wouldn't let this affect our friendship, and she understands if we don't feel comfortable going.

I will stand by our agreement, but the more I think about this, the more it bothers me.  She has invited all of our friends and I feel like she's sort of saying we are more than welcome to come, but that she isn't willing to make the environment a "safe" one for all guests.  If we can deal with that, please come, if not, we should stay home.

 I just don't understand this mentality.  If the roles were reversed and my dog had attacked a child and bitten them, if I was to hold another event, I don't think I could invite my friends, esp the one's that child was hurt, and not make the environent at totally safe one.

She did offer to chain the og (unfair to the dog, I think) or have him on a leash, and I genuinely know that is her way of making the environment safe, but I just don't know.....I feel like I would be a negligent mother if I put my son in that type of situation full well knowing what the dog is capable of.

He is a Malamut (sp?) and is very big.

WWYD if you were me?  WWYD if this was your dog?

I love my friend VERY much, we are very close, and I won't let this affect our friendship, if I can't go, I can't go, I just think it sucks I may not ever be able to go to another function at her home because of an animal.

I have very mixed emotions on this topic.

 Please no flames, just honest opinions.

 Thanks!

ridesbuttons

It is her party, and she is making concessions to make you feel comfortable and your son safe by leashing or tying the dog.  This is good.  What else would you ask her to do?

I am sure you are incredibly emotional (as any parent would be) regarding the dog and the previous event.  But she is living her life at her home.  If she or her husband insisted they bring the dog to an  event at your home, you would have every right to say no.  Since the event is at her home, you still have a choice.  Go with her conditions (leashed, chained dog) or don't go.

I would go.  It will relieve your fear, your son's fear and repair a slightly damaged friendship.

 

Temp374386125003286

If it was my dog that did that he would be in a kennel or at a doggy daycare.  I don't know if I would take my child, if I did take him to the BBQ I would have him in my arms or very close to me the whole time.  I don't know if I would enjoy it because I would be too worried.  So, because of that I probably wouldn't go.  GL!  That sounds like a horrible situation. 

Mominator

I have 3 dogs and two of them are very large. My Pitt Bull bit my niece about 7 years ago (provoked, but still, not cool). After that, I made sure that my dogs were always either locked up or kenneled when we had guests at our house. Bottom line, they are still animals and the responsible thing to do as a pet owner is to keep everyone - pets and people - safe from harm. I'm sure that your friend feels like what she is doing is best, and I wouldn't fault her for that, but no way would I take my child to her house.

JOEBunny

I was in this same situation with my next door neighbor with her previous dog that, HAPPILY died.  I hated that fn dog.  It bit 3 people in 3 years and was very aggressive with my DD.  I really resented that they would not put the dog up for us to come over, so mostly, we just did not.  My problem is this.  4.5 million people are bitten by dogs each year, 880,000 of them require medical attention, 32,000 require reconstructive surgery.  Most of the victims, particularly of the more violent dog bites are children.  Many of the dogs have never bitten before.  This one already has.  If my neighbors son punch hard enough to cause me to seek medical attention, you bet your a$$ I would not be letting DD play with him again, so the DH's argument of, "he feels that the dog is like their kid" is total crap. 

I would not go.  That aside the DH is stupid.  If that dog bites another person, that person can sue and win for a lot of money because the dog has previously bitten.  He owes it to his guest, big and small to keep them safe, it is a tort responsibility, the same as not having gaping holes in your deck.  Even if the person doesn't want to sue, their health insurance or disability can sue him to regain their loss.  

belle204

It sounds like your friend is remorseful and iit has to be hard trying to appease her dh & friend. I'm not an animal person by any means but I think if she is going to chain the dog & it's away from everyone that should be sufficient. I know it's not the perfect resolution & it makes me kind of sad but it's an effort. That said, you have to do what you feel most comfortable doing for your son & family. Oh, and your screen name makes me want to drink heavily.

cristiana

I wouldn't go. With the attitude that the husband has about it, I'd half expect him to let the dog loose and let him roam.

Heidisean

Honestly if she is going to have him chained up I don't see a problem with going. Just keep your child and yourself away from the dog. I would not make a friend pay to kennel a dog and go out of their way when that is the dog's home. I don't see them as being irresponsible as they are chaining the dog up and you just need to say clear of the dog. Go and have fun and mend your relationship.

luckyluvr

I would either go w/o my kid or not go unless the dog was gone for that day. Dogs are put to sleep for biting people if the injuries are bad enough, so they should be more concerned w/ their dog's needs and guests needs instead of what they want. I think it's funny how your friend will have to hold the leash all day, yet he's the one who wants the dog around the guests. Also, I don't know about your area but it's illegal where I live to chain a dog to something for more than 30 minutes. Sounds like her DH needs to think about other people and quit being immature. My dog is like a child to me, but there's quite a difference between a dog and a human...human bites don't kill and humans aren't as unpredictable.

Angela814

cristiana:

I wouldn't go. With the attitude that the husband has about it, I'd half expect him to let the dog loose and let him roam.

I agree with this. It sounds like your friend is genuinely trying, but her DH doesn't think the dog did anything wrong. That kind of attitude is troubling, and I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing my child.

buffalo_buckeye

I have two dogs and for playgroups, parties etc we always put our dogs up/away in their kennels or in a bedroom. Dogs can be scary to young kids and some adults and some people have allergies. We do this and our labs have never bitten anyone. I can't fathom why they wouldn't put the dog somewhere away from the party when this dog has a history of biting someone who would be at the party. It just seems rude to me. Based on the answer she gave, I'm guessing that dog will be roaming at some point in the party and I wouldn't go. Stinks that her husband can't put up/away their dog for a couple hours to make their guests feel safe.

penguingrrl

I'm pretty comfortable with pets and having my kids around them, but if this dog has already attacked your son unprovoked once I would keep them apart.  My aunt and uncle's normally very gentle dog bit their grandson (no injury) once and now if any children are in the house the dog is crated in the basement because they will not risk another incident.  They feel that one strike and the otherwise doted upon pet is done being around kids and I agree and it's the only reason my kids are allowed at their house.

MelandJeff

cristiana:

I wouldn't go. With the attitude that the husband has about it, I'd half expect him to let the dog loose and let him roam.

This this this this this.

Her H is being a loon about the whole thing. A dog is NOT a kid. Idiot.

CleoKitty

I would be hurt. Maybe I'm just unreasonable, but I think that if their dog bit my child then they should be obligated to kennel the dog when I'm around if I express any discomfort or concern. Frankly, I'd feel like they owed it to me.

brightning

I wouldn't go.

Even if the dog were on a chain/leash, you would have to be 100% watchful to make sure that it didn't get loose, your son didn't get too close, etc.

And her husband is being completely unreasonable. What if that dog bites another child?

EMT

I would most definitely not go.

GettinNervous

I would not go. Her husband is ridiculous and stubborn.

aprilmomtobe

cristiana:

I wouldn't go. With the attitude that the husband has about it, I'd half expect him to let the dog loose and let him roam.

I was thinking this same thing. He sounds like a real douche. You'd think he would go out of his way to make you and your child feel safe after what happened. I wouldn't go.

(just curious - how old is your child? does he remember?)

eclaires

aprilmomtobe:

cristiana:

I wouldn't go. With the attitude that the husband has about it, I'd half expect him to let the dog loose and let him roam.

I was thinking this same thing. He sounds like a real douche. You'd think he would go out of his way to make you and your child feel safe after what happened. I wouldn't go.

(just curious - how old is your child? does he remember?)

I agree w/ this - the husband sounds like a dumbass.  Honestly, if you're that close to her, I would say, "you know, we're probably not coming, but as a friend I feel like you should be aware that this is very risky for you."  If the dog bites again, they could be on the hook legally and the dog could be put down.  It's really irresponsible to put an animal in a situation where there are a lot of people like that if they've had a history of biting, unprovoked, even with training.

As a dog owner, we have a dog who doesn't bite (she's small - 9lbs) but she doesn't like kids very much.  She tolerates Jackson, and I think she's pretty loyal to him as evidenced by my post about our wreck, but we don't trust her around other kids.  Ever.  If kids are around, she is never close to them without her being 100% under our control.  If she was bigger, she'd definitely be kenneled for events at our house.  As it is, she's so small it's easy to keep her under control - she'll be calm if we're holding her, but we do it for her protection as well.  

wildfloweragain

I wouldn't go.  I wouldn't be comfortable, your son will be scared.  Having him around that same dog in the situation you described (chained up, or possibly even not with this man's attitude) will not make your son less afraid.  Being around other calm safe dogs will, but not this dog.

OCNewlywed

I think it's very irresponsible on their part. Why would they do that if the dog has bitten a kid before?! The husband sounds like a jerk. And, why put your kid through the fear of being around that dog again?  I think you need to do what's in the best interest of your child.