Didn't think it would be this hard

seoul09

I woke up this morning, a little tired from being up all night but had good spriits. Went to the doctor for my HCG levels to be checked (made the first appointment of the morning purposely because I didn't want to risk sitting in an office full of pregnant women) and wouldn't you know it, the nurse who does the blood draws was late! ARGHHHHH! So I am sitting there and all of these pregnant women begin to walk in.

 

I am telling myself, take it easy, you can get through this. Trying to pep myself up yet still on the verge of tears. After giving the blood sample I got in the car and held back tears all the way to work, nearly had a panic attack. Here at work now, trying to surround myself with work to keep my mind going.. BUT THIS IS HARD!

 I keep telling myself, each day it gets easier... Tomorrow will be better...

 

RIGHT NOW I JUST WANNA CRAWL UNDER A BED AND SLEEP FOR A FEW WEEKS.

Lorange-8

I'm sorry, that does suck. My first follow up appointment was like that.  It does get easier, promise!  I wish and hope you have a better weekend!

millejj1

So sorry it's so hard!

Amanda02a

Hang in there!  Sitting amongst big bellies at the Ob office was really tough for me too. 

 

AmyRM

Sorry you had such a rough morning. Waiting for my first appointment I just stared at the floor, hanging my head.

(((HUG)))

shouldbworkin

Amanda02a:

Hang in there!  Sitting amongst big bellies at the Ob office was really tough for me too. 

 

Ditto!  They're so happy and clueless, it's maddening.  I almost lost it when the nurse who was taking my blood asked my why I was there for an HCG draw and if I thought I was PG. 

seoul09

Thanks Ladies! I greatly appreciate the words of supports. I don't really talk to my husband about it because I don't want to drag him down in my pit while he's still trying to recover from his own hurt.

 

You guys are all I have to vent to/with.

magdalina.h

I'm sorry hun.  My first appt I was fine with the pg ladies. Second appt I bawled my eyes out as soon as my dr walked in from sitting the waiting room. 3rd appt they called me right back even though I was early.

seoul09

shouldbworkin:

Amanda02a:

Hang in there!  Sitting amongst big bellies at the Ob office was really tough for me too. 

 

Ditto!  They're so happy and clueless, it's maddening.  I almost lost it when the nurse who was taking my blood asked my why I was there for an HCG draw and if I thought I was PG. 

 

They seem to ALWAYS not have your chart on hand. The nurse this morning asked me why I was getting my levels checked as well. Maybe because they see loss everyday it becomes regular to them, but someone should send them back to compassion and tact school.

 

I knwo people don't TRULY understand until they go through it.

SassyMamainVA

I'm sorry...it does suck.  I hate seeing the pregnant bellies, too  

elizabeth&james

I get it- I well know the feeling that you just want to go to sleep and wake up at some point in the future so that you don't have to deal w/ the hurt of the present. One thing I've done to try to help myself not feel so overwhelmed is to look for one good thing in the day. Often the good thing is that the sky is a beautiful shade of blue or the air feels like spring or I didn?t cry at work. Little things really- but I felt it was impt for me to try to find a good thing every day, even though I spend so much time fixated and unable to pull myself away from the bad sometimes. I?m sorry you had to see those preggos ? just not how you want to start the day.

jerriesgirl

It really is hard.  I had mentally prepared myself for all of the PG bellies during my first appointment.  What I was prepared for was the smoking pregnant lady in the parking deck.  I was so mad. 

jerriesgirl

It really is hard.  I had mentally prepared myself for all of the PG bellies during my first appointment.  What I wasn't prepared for was the smoking pregnant lady in the parking deck.  I was so mad. 

ETA:  Sorry for the double post.  I tried to delete the first one, but I was denied permission. 

linz85

jerriesgirl:

It really is hard.  I had mentally prepared myself for all of the PG bellies during my first appointment.  What I was prepared for was the smoking pregnant lady in the parking deck.  I was so mad. 

 

Holy crap I would have been livid.  I actually had one of the lab technicians at the HOSPITAL right after my miscarriage ask me if I had any kids. I coldly said no, to which he replied....."Lucky. I have two." LUCKY? LUCKY?

 I just flushed whatever was left of my baby down the toilet (sorry but thats what went through my head at the time) and you tell me I'm lucky?! I wanted to punch him in the face...I still tear up just thinking about it.

seoul09

So I was at the end of my day. We had a huge Siete De Mayo (in lue of Cinco De Mayo being in the middle of the week) and I was on the committe to head it up. GREAT! The busy work and doing the games made me laugh again.

 

UNTIL.... one of the other ladies on the committee decided to wear a fitted dress and let everyone know she is pregnant! OMG It felt like a brick of weights hit me. I know these may be fresh feelings, and I harbor no ill feelings towards her because she doesn't even know about my m/c, however it still hurts like the day I laid on the table waiting for the doctor to check me out in a pool of blood. Now I have to mentally prepare myself to go to the beauty shop and allow my pregnant hair stylist to do my hair.

 Have a good weekend ladies. I pray the weekend brings some healing and smiles to us all.