MIL vent
kristin2t
member
So, DH recently deployed and MIL apparently has no BGP. First, as he was leaving, she would ask every day where he was, I can't tell you how many times we have told her that we wont EVER discuss troop movements on the phone with her, but like every time before we will tell her once he arrives. So, she starts guessing where he is, like that makes a bit of difference! If you're so worried, don't put your son's life at potential risk! Then, I find out she has been calling my parents 3 times a day, because she thinks I'm telling them where he's at and not her. Are you kidding me?! Given DH's MOS especially, this is something I will never tell her, just be patient for a freakin week and we'll tell you once he's there.
Then, once I get the call he's there and settled I call her right away. (As promised) And she can't talk to me because she's too upset- she was hysterically crying, I mean, hysterical. Fine, whatever, call me later. Every time we've talked since then she has been a blubbering mess, and I spend the whole time making her feel better, and reassuring her. Oh, it's fine, because I just sent my HUSBAND off, while I'm living in the bathroom because my m/s is so bad, but no, don't worry about me, in fact, don't even ASK how I'm doing.
I'm just so tired of always taking care of her, and I don't pretend to know what it's like to send a son off to war. But come on! I could use some family support here too.
Oh, here's my favorite tid-bit, the first time he deployed, she slept in his childhood bed for three months straight! (FYI, DH is almost 30!) MIL's got issues.
Ugh, sorry. Rant over. Although that did feel exceptionally good to get it out. If anyone has extra BGP, I'll let you know where to send em.
Re: MIL vent
I agree you are handling it much better than I would be.
I would cut off all phone contact and I would mail her some information about OPSEC, like everything and every OPSEC violation horror story I could get my hands on. She needs to know that her meddling is a potential safety issue for him and she needs to know that it is SERIOUS. I am lucky, my MIL has two sons, both are active Navy, and BIL was in for seven years before DH joined. She knows better than to over ask questions...she knows I won't answer them. I also wouldn't put up with "Woe is me" outbursts...I would say something to the effect of "When you can act like a grown up and talk to me like an adult you can call me back" then I would hang up the phone.
But I'm a mean lady...
OMG, do we have the same MIL? One time when she got hysterical I lost it and said "Look I have things to do. When you can calm down and have a rational conversation, call me back." It didn't make a difference, but wow did I feel better for about 10 minutes.
My solution has just been to do as much as possible over email so I don't have to deal with her drama. Good luck.
I feel for you - my MIL is taking it way worse than me from what I'm hearing. DH told her before he left that it would be 7-10 days before he was able to talk to her just so she wouldn't bug me but she saw him get on Facebook when he was waiting for a flight out to his final destination. She was emailed me 2 seconds after he got online to ask if I had heard from him but didn't try to talk to him herself. During the last deployment, she lectured me on how whenever I heard from him, no matter what we talked about, I needed to send out an emamil to the entire family detailing what we talked about so everyone would know he was ok and know what was going on. Looney.
Anyhow, she's been emailing me about how she can't sleep and has been having such a hard time and everyone she works with knows not to talk to her or expect her to answer the phones. Ahhhhh - I don't even want to call her because I'm doing well thus far and don't want to have to hash it out with her. Like you said, I don't pretend to know what it's like to have my son deployed (I can imagine it would be difficult) however, she barely calls when he's not deployed and I hate that everyone jumps on board the minute he deploys but doesn't seem to give a darn any other time.
Sorry to hijack your post...guess I had some pent up anger I needed to let out.
That's such a good point, I feel like a lot of our "friends" do that too. Yuck. And, don't worry at all about sharing your experience, that's what we're here for! It helps a lot to know I'm not alone. I wonder if it's harder for moms since they aren't living the military life 24/7 and that makes it harder for them to normalize and manage the situation? hmm...
Thanks everyone for your support. It was just what I needed!
This, exactly! MIL very seldom called us while we were in Germany and if she did, she would always call in the middle of the night and say "this is why you should just call me, I forget about the time change" or she would call around 6pm on a Saturday and be upset when we couldn't talk because we had company over or were out to dinner.
I hesitate to talk because I love my MIL...I am closer to her than my own mother....BUT she doesn't understand the Army life at all. Last deployment she called me everynight (yes, EVERY single one for 15+ months). If I was going to work late, I would text her becuase if she called and I couldn't answer she would flip out and start calling every 10 minutes. I think since she couldn't speak to her son she needed someone to grab onto.
I am sorry that your MIL lost her BGP...definitely send her the OPSEC info because you don't want her to start posting everything she does know/speculates all over her FB or email and put him at risk. I think joining Blue Star Mothers would be a great outlet for her.
When my DH deployed last year my MIL was the EXACT same. Only she drugged herself up on sleeping pills to "stop her depression" because "what is she going to do if she cant talk to her little boy everyday"! Umm... hes 24 hasnt lived with you in 4 years and ignores your phone calls 6 out of 7 days a week. Im pretty sure you'll be fine. So I didnt hear a single thing from her for three months and then I started getting these hysterical phone calls all.the.time.
I eventually stopped answering the phone and just called her if i had something to report.
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YAY! I am not the only one! My MIL has three in the military her DH ( has been in 4 years, MY DH (has been in 4 years) and her DS (just graduated basic) her DH deploys (his 1st) in Sept., her other son got stationed overseas and his deploying in Aug. (his 1st) and my husband deploys again next spring (his 3rd) lol she calls me crying everyday to tell me how upset she is I LOL simply cause it keeps me sane but the best part as if the frantic phone calls aren't enough she texts my mom whom also isn;t really a fan and informed me the other day that we will be going home for my DH's R and R next year WHAT!!! ok thing is lady that were having our first baby he is gonna leave a few months into that and try to get r and r for his kid's birthday I have other things to worry about besides r and r.... oh and to make things soooo much better I had talked about going home for a few months after DH deploys and apparently she thinks that means I will be moving into her house ummmm no!