One and Done

yankeebear

I'd like some feedback from those that have only one child or grew up as an only child yourself.  We are extremely blessed to have had our DD when I was 38.  I had a perfect pregnancy and DD is beautiful, healthy and perfect.  Now at 41 I've just had a second miscarriage and are considering not trying any more.  For many reasons, I'm OK with being one and done.  We are in a pretty good situation financially and can give DD a good education and the best of everything.  As I grew up with very little this is very important to me.  And as a working mom, my time with her is very limited and precious, and I like the idea of devoting myself to her only.

But we really want to do what is best for DD.  She loves babies and little kids and asks all the time for a baby brother and sister.  I worry about her growing up lonely and spoiled.  I also worry about being a burden on her as DH and I get older.  And I know she would make the best big sister!

We may keep trying or consider adoption.  Or we may just stop.  I'd just like to hear your experiences both good and bad.  Thanks so much for reading this! 

EliseB0323

I had a very high risk "surprise" pregnancy w/ DS, and feel very fortunate that we are both alive. I had been told for years that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant, so I guess I just kind of accepted that and wasn't planning on having kids. We did consider adopting, and might still do so, but it's not likely at this point.

I never really had any regrets about just having one kid because I didn't expect to have even one, so DS is like a "bonus." I think that people kind of make their own families, regardless on their circumstances. I hope DS will seek out friendships or cousins, or other relationships to fill in the "sibling" roles.

WendyK

Yankee, I am an only. I have to say I always laugh when people talk about the spoiled only child. Quite honestly I would say yes, I was spoiled with attention from my folks but you know what that is where the buck stopped. I was never in trouble growing up and don't we all know people who have siblings who are spoiled. Any way I loved it! I am super close to my parents and I never feel like I missed something. I know there will be onlies that say that they were lonely but it is up to the parent to keep them involved. I played sports, etc so I just did not feel this way. Our DS will be an only as well. We want to travel, etc and it is much easier with one. You have to do what is right for your family. For me I feel like my family is complete at 3.

yankeebear

Thanks, Wendy!  That makes me feel better.

oparcm

I'm 40 and had dd at 37.  We are going to be one and done.  Dd is truly a blessing and it is just not in the cards for more children.  I plan to keep dd involved in activities and social events.  FWIW, I'm from 3 kids and we are not particulary close.  And taking care of the parents can be more difficult with siblings because you won't all agree so there are pros/cons to both.