My FFFC on forgiveness.

mrgn

I am a very forgiving person. I usually have no problem giving someone another chance, or understanding their perspective. I typically can do this to the point where I can forgive a person for the choices they've made. I have forgiven people for some very nasty things. I think they are probably things that some people would consider unforgivable. I resent X for asking me to give A up for adoption. After he'd told me he supported any choice I made, and I made my choice to keep her, he asked me to give her away. And proceeded to tell me I was selfish for not changing my mind. I understand that he was scared and he didn't know who she was yet. I understand that it wasn't real to him. But I cannot forgive him for even thinking about giving her away. I considered all my choices, made lists of the pros and cons, but I always knew in my heart that she would be a part of my family. I found the courage to change my life. I wanted to get excited for this new life. I finally could say, out loud, that I wanted to have this child, keep her, love her and raise her, and he had the nerve to ask me to give her away.

It hurts me. It is so small. I have been through many things that most would say are much worse. But I don't know how to forgive him.

inbetween

Some things take longer then others.

Have you asked him what his thought on it is now? If he knew then what he knows now if he would ask you the same thing?

I think it is very hard for it to be real for the guy for a very long time. They don't feel the physical part of being pregnant (ie, morning sickness, movement, hiccups).

Also, some guys just feel like it's not their responsability, like it is the moms. Obviously that is wrong, but they think they can slip under the radar scotch free, that the mom chose to get pregnant and now she will deal with the consequences.

Maybe you will never forgive him, but I'm sure the hurt will ease with time. Especially when lo is old enough to give kisses, hugs, and run squealing 'mommy'.

I hope at least part of this made sense. It was a rough week at work!

 

ErinC27

Don't ever forgive him for that. I will never forgive STBXH for the same thing, or for repeatedly telling me that I should get an abortion. 

What he did is absolutely unforgivable, and there is no reason you should think you need to forgive him.  

xcjen06

My ex told me that he hoped I have a miscarriage and that is the number one thing that I can't move past. There are a lot of things he did that were really poor choices but when he said that is when I really realized that I was going to leave him. I don't really have any advice to offer because I have the same feelings, though like PP said maybe the anger about what your ex said will decrease with time.