Rant: Why are people so anxious for babies to advance?

Married2MrWright

Arg.  I just need to vent this here.  I am so tired of reading on Facebook and other boards here about mothers frustrated that their 2 or 3 month old baby (or younger) won't STTN, wants to feed every 2-3 hours and wakes up every 2-3 hours. WTF?  And then the advice that follows is "let them CIO so they know you're in charge..."  Ugh.  Horrible.  And then there's the ones who purport BabyWise and how their 8 week old STTN because of it. 

My other irritation is that if you've found something that works for you and yoru baby (in our case...bed sharing and cup feeding DD expressed milk, etc.) why do folks feel compelled to talk you out of it?  Blech.

My LO won't take a bottle...so we've taught her to drink from a cup.  She does it wonderfully.  My parents want me to keep trying her on the bottle...so she knows how to take it.  WTF?  If she can drink from a cup why does she need a bottle?  So it's more convenient for them to feed her.

lspinman

I totally agree with you about people wanting their LO's to grown up too soon and about people wanting to tell you a "better" way to raise your LO.

I will admit that I get excited and anxious when S is learning a new skill.  The whole time she would scoot backwards to crawl I was yearning for her to start the forwards motion.  I would never do those things that you listed above or complain about her not doing something yet but I do get the wanting your babe to get to the next step with some things:)

Married2MrWright

Oh I agree that it's super exciting when LO is making a developmental stride on their own...but it's irritating as hell when other people want you to force something along or question you as to why they're not doing XYZ yet.  Arg.

I was so excited when DD rolled from tummy to back the first time.  But I don't get caught up on "so-and-so's baby was rolling at such-and-such age so why isn't mine?"...everybody is different.

DD is teething...she just turned 3 months last Monday...I cannot begin to tell you how many people say it just can't be true.  WTF?

tak2002

I think it comes down to society...it's what we are told must happen and people push for it. Our current times are literally just a BLIP in time, but we have changed all of our expectations of babies. Do all these people really think cave babies STTN at a few weeks old?! Haha!

webMistress0609

Next time someone gives you heck for cup feeding, let them know your DD is actually very advanced for her age b/c you'd have to wean her from bottles & begin using a cup around a year (actually, prob not a 2nd later than 1 year according to some of the ppl in question). 

I know what you mean about finding something that works & then having everyone question it. We tried moving Ari out of our bed & then out of our room b/c of his sleep issues since that's what everyone & every book says to do if you bedshare/co-sleep. Both DH & I chose to bedshare/co-sleep before I gave birth, & prefer it, but since everyone says to stop... 

Well, it backfired. Ari slept worse. And yet we both sometimes question whether we should have him in our bed or room, even though it works best. 

EcoBaby

I think a lot of parents like to see their kids hitting milestones because because then they have some confirmation that there isn't anything "wrong" with their baby. Regarding the eating/sleeping issue - I think a lot of parents just had no clue exactly how needy babies are. I know I didn't. I thought it was rare for babies to not STTN. I had no idea that babies refused to sleep alone. I also found it to be very isolating to be stuck in a chair bf'ing for an hour and then doing it all over again in another hour. And God knows no one really wants to wake up every 2 hours to tend to their baby.

I was able to settle in and accept it, but it was definitely a transition for me. No one ever, EVER, told me what it was really like to have a baby, and I imagine parents are worried that something is wrong because no one told them that this is how its supposed to be.

Actually, if I remember correctly, when I was pregnant, all of us on the bump were getting pissed because people kept telling us how hard parenting is, how its going to change our lives, etc. LOL - they were telling the truth, but we didn't want to hear it.

And if you haven't figured it out yet, every other parent is waaaay better than you and knows how to parent better than you You obviously need their advice in order to function.

Married2MrWright

tak2002 - you're right.  It's totally cultural.  I mean why else is it okay to sell itty bitty bikinis, padded bras and thong underwear in the kiddie section at Target?

Whenever I do read these posts I reply with something about us not holding excessive expectations.  It's SO easy to get caught up in it and I think many new parents feel obligated to "one up" each other with stuff like that.  Sort of explains why no one's that willing to talk about bed sharing.  Sad but true.

Personally, I like to embrace these days of a LO who needs me so much... even if do get frustrated from time to time, I take a deep breath and remind myself that these moments are fleeting.

ckmommy

Go Mommy! I was all about certain things when pg then realized I didn't like the those ideas once Carter was born. You know what's best for your child and your situation.

ashleyhuney

Ugh, I feel you.  I came to realize that whenever I was asked questions about when I was going to wean, how well he was sleeping, etc that non-descript answer were best.  Like, I have no weaning plans or last night was a good night

Yesterday our neighbor with a 9 month old who parent VERY differently than we do called for my opinion on a situation.  The boy only wanted puffs to eat and refused to eat his baby food.  The dad told me that he didn't want to give in so the baby thought he was in charge, sigh.  I reminded him gently that at 9 months eating solids is mainly for practice and only *needs* bm/formula. After that I shut my trap.

am369

Married2MrWright:

tak2002 - you're right.  It's totally cultural.  I mean why else is it okay to sell itty bitty bikinis, padded bras and thong underwear in the kiddie section at Target?

:::shudders::: that and why does every baby doll come with a bottle?  When I was little my doll came with a bottle that had pretend milk in it and one had pretend orange juice in it. Weird.

There was a lady on here who wrote about CIO with her 3 day old for 45 min as advice to someone else.  I agree though about how can people choose to have kids if they want to pop them out and have them STTN from day one and eat every 4 hours like adults. 

elizabe

Married2MrWright:

DD is teething...she just turned 3 months last Monday...I cannot begin to tell you how many people say it just can't be true.  WTF?

My DD's definitely teething too, and no one believes me except my mom, who said that I was also teething at 3 mos. Go figure.

I also love the cup idea, mama! I'm impressed with you as a parent for having the patience and creativity to introduce a cup instead of trying to force the bottle just because she's a baby! It's kind of like how some kids skip the crawling stage and go right to walking-- your little girl just skipped the bottle stage and went right to cup. And I'm guessing that she still needs a ton of help with the cup, so it's not like you're trying to force her to grow up or anything-- I don't understand why anyone would have a problem with that. Good luck!

LyndsayQ

am369:

There was a lady on here who wrote about CIO with her 3 day old for 45 min as advice to someone else. 

  x 100,000,000,000,000

cindy453

I don't want Emmy to advance. In fact, I'm going to start pushing her back down when she stands... I'm soooo not ready for her to walk.

(kidding...) 

mrs.baum

EcoBaby:

I think a lot of parents like to see their kids hitting milestones because because then they have some confirmation that there isn't anything "wrong" with their baby. Regarding the eating/sleeping issue - I think a lot of parents just had no clue exactly how needy babies are. I know I didn't. I thought it was rare for babies to not STTN. I had no idea that babies refused to sleep alone. I also found it to be very isolating to be stuck in a chair bf'ing for an hour and then doing it all over again in another hour. And God knows no one really wants to wake up every 2 hours to tend to their baby.

I was able to settle in and accept it, but it was definitely a transition for me. No one ever, EVER, told me what it was really like to have a baby, and I imagine parents are worried that something is wrong because no one told them that this is how its supposed to be.

Actually, if I remember correctly, when I was pregnant, all of us on the bump were getting pissed because people kept telling us how hard parenting is, how its going to change our lives, etc. LOL - they were telling the truth, but we didn't want to hear it.

And if you haven't figured it out yet, every other parent is waaaay better than you and knows how to parent better than you You obviously need their advice in order to function.

Well said! I think a lot of struggles parents go through with babies is due to their expectations of how things are supposed to be.

hollowstar

Bottles are super unnatural, really, and cups make more sense. Sounds like your LO is wicked smart! Why backtrack and force a bottle?

I would normally agree with "What works for you" and leaving it at that, but I'm sure some people would say Crying It Out works and I would strongly disagree even if it does "work for them".