NBR: making friends
This is going to sound silly and going to make me sound lame. But I have recently realized I have trouble making friends. I live in my DH's hometown. It's is also the town I went to college in. I have been here for over 10 years but I feel like such an outsider sometimes. DH has a couple good friends from high school and his close friends from college grew up in the area and still live here. All of my friends from college either moved away or if they are still here are at totally different stages of their lives now. I feel like I don't have any friends to turn to sometimes. I am friends with DH's friend's wives but it is not the same as having my "own" people.
I always used to consider myself an out going person but over the past few years I have turned to be more shy - or I guess afraid of rejection. I need to make my own friends and probably those friends need to be mommies so they understand some of my limitations now.
I need to find some of my own things. I truely never have "me time" since DD was born unless one of my friends is in from out of town. I just don't have anyone to ask to do things with me. DH gets me time to go out and play golf or go play poker or go have a few drinks after DD goes to bed. He always says he wishes I would do it too sometimes. But I can't think of anyone to call up. It makes me sad. I totally enjoy my DD but I need to do things away from her sometimes. How do I meet people? How do you find mommy groups?
Re: NBR: making friends
I feel a bit the same way since we moved... I have lots of girlfriends back in MD and VA but I work so much that it is hard to meet new people here.
Check out MOMS club international and see if there is a chapter in your area.
https://www.momsclub.org/
You can also look on Yahoo! local for groups in your area.
Other ways to meet moms are things like story time at your local library.
GL!
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I'm sorry. I don't think you sound lame at all. Or silly. We have a similar situation. I live 5+ hours from home and my closest friends. We live her because of DH's jobs. He has some good friends from work and I'm friends with some of their wives and they're great. I've met some people down here, which has been a saving grace. Actually from one of the local boards a couple of years ago and it's one of the best things that has happened to me here.
Maybe look up and see if your hospital has mommy groups? Or the local YMCA?
I seriously could've written this. The sad thing is that I live in the town where I went to HS, but my friends in HS were a pretty stupid crowd and I don't really want anything to do with them anymore. I do have a group of women I used to work with, but we mainly do a happy hour ever 2 months or so. I only hang out individually with one of them from time to time.
I think it is really hard to make friends at this stage. I have considered trying to find a new mommy group, but I feel like they are all for SAHM and that is not where I'm coming from.
Guess what I did last night? I went to a basic cake decorating class. It is 2 sessions for 2 hours and I signed up mainly because I need to have some "me" time. There a few moms with kids in the class and I don't know if I will make any friends, but it is a good start and I'm putting myself out there. Anyway, our school systems have a large amount of adult ed classes and this is the first one I have taken since E came. I dreaded it, but enjoyed it once I was there.
I don't have a solution, I'm practically in the same boat. I don't want to be forced to have friendships with my H's friends SOs. Some of them are just annoying. I'm also scared of trying to make friends as an adult... I feel like I have nothing to talk about anymore besides my child. I'll be interested in what others have to say about your post.
lkstor- i checked out that website and emailed to see if there was a chapter in my area. It loks like there might not be one on my side of town but maybe they just don't have a website. I am tempted to start my own with working moms... if I only had the time...
veryargylegirl... if we only lived a little closer together!! I might have to look into some of the community college classes. I get their mailer all the time and browse through it but never sign up for anything.
I wish I could make friends with people at work. The ones closest to my age I have nothing in common with. I am fairly close to 2 co-workers but they both live too far from me to make it worth doing things on the weekends. I need to find some way to put myself out there too!
I feel the same way. DH and I moved to a new city 3 yrs ago and haven't made many friends. Some of the ones we did make dropped us when I got pg the second time.
I go to a mom & baby group sponsored by the hospital where I gave birth. It's a fun way to pass an hour per week but I haven't really clicked with anyone yet.
I found a Meetup group in my city - it's a group geared toward moms interested in natural births, healthy food, environmentally friendly families, etc. I just met some of them in person yesterday at a park meetup. I thought they were all really nice people. Hopefully a friendship might come of that eventually.
I feel like I could have written this post! All my friends are DH's best friends' wives. I truly like these women and love spending time with them, but all my best friends (the friends with whom I can really be myself and talk to about anything) are out of state. It's sad because I have a hard time integrating my best friends into my real life since they are so far. I went to school with them, and they don't know DH, so it's always a little awk. if/when they come visit.
I don't know if this will be helpful, but I've just decided that I'm going to really make an effort with the wives. I could see myself being good friends with them, and it would be very convenient if they were my new best friends, since we already have our husbands and some other people in common.
To meet new people, I joined a mom's group at my church. This has been really great for me, but still difficult, since some of the moms who joined were already BFF and didn't seem to really be looking for new friends to actually hang out with. I guess I just have a really hard time because I'm great at making acquaintances but totally dysfunctional when it comes to actually making real friends.
Sorry this was so long, you just touched a part of my life that I've really been struggling with too!
You have already gotten some great suggestions--I just wanted to add that I became good friends with some moms by doing a prenatal yoga class-- what about looking for a mommy and me pilates class or something? Or a mommy stroller walking group (and then a mommies night out)? Maybe you could start one!
It is tough!