Baby Showers
Throwing my own baby shower...advice please!
OK ladies, I'm going to vent right now and try to get everything off my chest. I'm sorry if I sound like a whiny selfish bag BUT this stuff that's going on is REALLY pissing me off. OK here it goes...My DH mother wanted to throw her own baby shower but my DH dad was not allowed to come because they don't get along. She wanted to invite people who DH and I don't even know and make it into something about HER instead of the BABY. Then you have my mother who didn't want to go to DH mothers baby shower so she wanted to throw her own which my father would not be allowed to go bc they don't get along. SO THEN DH dad wanted to have his own shower. Basically I said OK this is enough NONE OF YOU are going to throw your own baby shower where certain people aren't invited so I'm just going to do it myself! I'm not having 3 freakin baby showers it's stupid! So I rented out a place in town with help from my mom and EVERYONE is invited to ONE big baby shower. Now while I am planning this event DH mom said she would help with food and all this other stuff and now she is backing out saying she can't help us at all. with anything. I don't understand people...is this wrong of me to be throwing my own baby shower because grown ass adults can't get along and do things TOGETHER for sake of a grandchild??? Uhhhhhhh I just don't know how I'm going to get this shower together and make it a fun event for everyone...
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Re: Throwing my own baby shower...advice please!
I there a neutral party that would be willing to host the shower for you? A friend from work or someone else who wouldn't have conflicts with anyone on either side? Finding someone who is neutral would help take the pressure off of you and also might help your family members feel like they aren't having to attend a shower given by someone they don't get along with.
As a child of divorce who is married to a child of divorce, we have found that trying to find someone outside of the conflicts is generally a good way to go. That person could communicate with everyone and help draw the focus back to you and your baby.
Number one, you should never throw your own shower, under any circumstance. Either you deal with what's given to you, or you don't have one. Then, to say, "I don't want your shower, I'm throwing my own, but you can still contribute to my shower," is even worse! I don't blame MIL for backing out. I would have said, from the get-go, your dad can come to MIL's shower, FIL can come to your mom's shower and the problem would have been solved.
However, this childish behavior of adults not being capable of being together at an event needs to be stopped now. Otherwise, you'll find yourself in awkward positions at birthdays and other events in the future. I would tell them now, if you can't get together and be civil adults now, do not expect to be invited to events in the future that involve this child. The baby does not deserve to be subjected to this immaturity by not one, but both sets of grandparents.
Your mother wouldn't even consent to *go* to your MIL's shower, and now MIL doesn't want to help you and her plan your shower? Not shocking, honestly.
Like PP said, a shower is always something someone else throws for you, it's part of the gift. Putting that aside, I don't see how this is going to work...if all these people wouldn't got to such-and-such's shower or such-and-such wouldn't invite whoever, how are these people expected to all come and play nice just because you are doing the shower? I don't see any way to make this fun. I would drop this, and let whoever wants to throw you a small shower, inviting the people they do get along with.
Yes. Regardless of the situation, a person should never throw their own shower.
A few thoughts...
You are complaining about the lack of maturity on your family's part, and yet you are saying, fine, I am taking my shower plans and doing what I want. Sort of like the kid taking the ball and going home.
If they cannot be around each other at the showers they host for you...why on earth do you think they will come to one that you throw for yourself?
If I were you, I would save my money on the shower (gift) you are giving yourself and just buy the gifts you would get/need for the baby.
How on earth will you be able to celebrate and enjoy your shower if everyone is feuding (if they show up at all)?
Honestly, if I were your family, I would be like whatever, you ungrateful little brat. If you cannot accept the gift of a shower, then you do not deserve one.
I also think that you need a major reality check because not only do you have so many people that were WILLING to throw baby showers, there are a lot of girls out there that would kill to have a family member host ONE shower for them...and you had the opportunity to have THREE and you threw a tantrum because you did not want to be showered with gifts and love three times over...
And last...
Boo friggin hoo...At least your parents are still alive.
Food Allergies to Eggs, Milk, Peanuts, Tree Nuts & Beef
Challenged Soy and tolerated it.
Since when do men come to baby showers anyway? I don't know maybe that is just my family but usually our showers are for girls only.
Be grateful for what you have and that 3 people wanted to give you a shower!