WWYD?

AMG&PTD

Background: My 7 year old DS is suspected of having ADHD and displays symptoms related to impulsivity, hyperactivity, and inattentiveness.  I will add that it is not just me who feels this way; he has seen a behavior therapist and neurologist.  We hope to have fully evaluated over the summer with a private developmental pediatrician (were tired of waiting for the local children's hospitals; the wait is over a year for all three).  He doing good in school (good marks and reading on grade level) with implemented behavior strategies.  At the end of last school year we decided to hire a tutor to kind of give him a boost so to speak and make sure he stays up with his studies (3 days a week, 30 min).   

The problem:  The tutor has been great up in till a couple weeks ago but all of sudden she is having a little more difficulty controlling him (getting him to focus, remaining seated, not being argumentative, etc).  She has made several comments over the past week that have rubbed me the wrong way.  " Your parents need to throw all your toys in the trash", "That's right, drink your sugar water" (referring to the juice he was having with his snack), and yesterday, "That is all you need another 7 grams of sugar" (he asked my DH for a afterschool snack of cookies, and she actually looked at the back of package and then made that comment). The comments are made to my DS and truthfully I'm not if she knows we hear her.   My son eats well and does not eat a excess amount of processed sugar and for the record there is no scientific evidence that sugar=hyperactivity; it is a readily believed myth.

What to do: I'm really getting sick of her comments and I truly believe she is out of line.  I'm not sure if I should  just fire her, say something to her, or do both.  WWYD and what would you say to her?

femmegem

Honestly, I would be most upset that she's saying things to your DS and not to you. And I would definitely talk to her ASAP. Depending on how she reacts, you can decide from there whether to keep her on or not, IMO.

Also, I know there's research that says processed sugar doesn't cause hyperactivity, but I definitely see a correlation with my DS. We decided (foolishly) to have pancakes for dinner one night as a special treat and he didn't end up falling asleep until 1.5 hours later than normal.

Jamaica_Bride

NO ONE would talk to my boys that way. No one.

I would voice my concen to her and expect to see a behavior change with HER if not look for someone else.

I would say to her

1. that is not how we speak to children in this house.

2. Teach her how to rephrase her concerns so they are not so belittling.

Mrs.Tony

Jamaica_Bride:

NO ONE would talk to my boys that way. No one.

I would voice my concen to her and expect to see a behavior change with HER if not look for someone else.

I would say to her

1. that is not how we speak to children in this house.

2. Teach her how to rephrase her concerns so they are not so belittling.

This. She was completely inappropriate.

katie277s

Personally, she shouldn't be talking to your son like that.  If she has issues with his eating, snacking habits, that is something she should either keep to herself, or talk with you about.  I would be very upset if I heard someone say those things to DS.  DH and I decide what kinds of snacks he has, not him. I would sit down and talk with her about it.  Then you can decide where to go from there.

docmay25

I would speak to her.  Let her know that if she has any concerns with your ds or things is is exposed to she needs to speak with you and dh about it.  She is there to tutor him, not parent him.  If the discussion does not go well and you feel like she is not going to follow thru with your guidelines then you need to find another tutor.  She should not be making comments to your ds. 

EliseB0323

I would find another tutor. She is overstepping her position. If she is sincerely concerned about your son's diet, she should talk to YOU about it, not belittle him. I have little to no tolerance for that kind of crap.

However, I agree with her that you should limit your son's sugar consumption -- it's not good for ANYONE, whether they are hyperactive or not.

Ciarrai

I agree with all the other pp.  I just don't see how what your son eats is any business of his tutor that you hired.  I could maybe see a teacher or doctor telling you a concern (if they had one), but this is a tutor talking to your son.  That's just ridiculous.  It's none of her business if you want to give him five cokes a day and have him totally hyped up.  (I know you don't.  That's an extreme.)  She should either talk to you about it if she's concerned or leave it alone b/c it's none of her business.  Beyond that, is there maybe something going on in her personal life that's leading her to snap like this and more easily?  Have you noticed your son being harder to handle lately?  The nice weather makes him more antsy to go outside?  I dunno.  I know when I'm having a really bad week/time, I snap at the kids more.  Maybe it's nothing to do with your DS at all...but maybe that makes it worse.

AMG&PTD

Thank you ladies for your advice.  I will be talking to her and telling her I've noticed he has been a lot to handle lately and believe she is becoming frusterated because of his behaviors.  I'll also mention the comments as a example and state that they really are uncalled for and we would appreciate if she kept them to herself is she chooses to stay on. 

To respond to some of the posts: Yes, he has been harder handle lately.  I'm not sure of anything happening in her life that would cause her be this way though...all I know is her parenting style is radically different from my own (no tv in the house, all organic food, no sugar, did not even give her own child Cherrios until she was close to a year). Not that there is anything wrong with that but I think most things in moderation are fine. It does not matter want he eats, trust me I tried...he is always hyper. Also, as I said in the original post..he does not get a lot of sugar (maybe that what she thinks because that is what she sees), those cookies were literally the only sweets he had yesterday. 

EliseB0323

AMG&PTD:

 Also, as I said in the original post..he does not get a lot of sugar (maybe that what she thinks because that is what she sees), those cookies were literally the only sweets he had yesterday. 

In the original post you said that your son DOES eat an excess amount of processed sugar. I think that may have confused some people.

AMG&PTD

Oh, sorry.  That meant to say "does not".  I edited it!

AggieCouple

I would not want a person who would make those sort of comments to a young child to be around my child.  Negativity is destructive and contagious.  Even if you spoke to her, and she stopped, she wouldn't change her negative attitude or stop her judgement.  Can you find someone else?

DandelionMom

Find a new tutor.  Her negativity and inappropriate comments cannot be good for your son.  I'd be very direct with her while letting her go and I would explain that her comments are completely out of line.