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Wow...re My Twin poll.
Just now got back on since I posted the poll. I had forgotten about it until read the post about the conjoined twin drama.
Haa! At least I got votes and opinions.
Here is how dh and I feel about it.
So I feel that if one of us needs to run out really quick that we should only have to take 1 child. I also feel that we should split the girls up and take one of them at a time. Dh feels that its either take L or take the girls. I think this is unfair to the girls and L at the same time. K&K never get to have one on one attention that I feel they need and would like. Its unfair to L because when he doesnt get to go he is the only kid left at home. He doesnt understand that "next" time he gets to go.
Plus, its not like its a day trip. Its a 25-20 min run to the grocery store less honestly 2 mins from our house.
Dh and I talked about it again this morning and he said that when the girls are old enough to say they want to have one on one attention or be split up he wants to keep them together. Kennedy got sick at school one day and instead of leaving Kaydance at school he brought her home as well but left Landon. (who is at the same preschool in a different classroom)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Wow...re My Twin poll.
Ditto Zenya. The girls aren't a single entity in 2 bodies. They need to be separated once in a while, and a 30 min trip to the grocery store is a great way to do it.
He shoud really have a chat with your pedi or something.
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
Its horrible. My ENTIRE family thinks that the should always be together. Think the should get the same toys, same clothes, same treatment etc. They act as if they are 1 person. To them they are not individuals. Its so bad that instead of actually calling them by name they get called "the twins" most of the time. "it was so good to see Landon and the twins today" "are you taking Landon and the twins to the store" etc. I hate it. Even out in public I have heard dh say "Landon, twins come here"
My sister is the only one who like me just treats them like they are siblings and not twins. Honestly so far this is the hardest part of having twins. Trying to get my family to see them as individuals and not just "twins"
Oh and to add to my defense K&K arent even that close. Sure, they play together and get along but they are not always right beside each other. At school I have been told they hardly even sit or stand together. They each go their own way. Im so glad. I have heard horror stories about twins not being able to be away from the other.
They have completely different personalities and like different things. Landon and Kaydance are more alike than K&K.
I'm with you. My twins are only 7 mos old and we already do alone time with them, away from all the other kids. I've been to the grocery with each alone. In my opinion, they are no different than other siblings, they just happened to share my ute and be born on the same day. If my husband was doing that, I'd just insist that I go with one girl and he can just deal with it.
And picking up the healthy one just because the other one was sick, that's re-donk. Are they not allowed to like different things? Allowed to eat different things. I think by making them a "package" is going to seriously hurt their self-esteem. Girls especially need one-on-one time with their daddy.
Ditto. Despite being twins, they are individuals and should be treated as such. It's not like they share a brain, kwim?
Let's say the roles were reversed and you had a Landon and Logan. Do you think your DH would treat them as a package deal, too?
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
It is ironic, because I think your husband is doing *exactly what most people tend to do with identical twins..and that is treat them as ONE person. I think the human brain has a hard time separating identical twins into two different people. It is almost instinctual to think of them as one person. My twins are fraternal and look nothing alike, so I don't have this issue, yet I have a lot of friends with identical twins and even I have a hard time thinking of them as individuals.
My point is, it is because of this that I think it is very important for especially identical twins to be treated as if they are different people. I am surprised your husband doesn't realize this! They are going to be faced with this their entire lives and if anyone should be able to treat them as individuals, it should be their own family. If they can't, how can they expect others to? Tell your H he is wrong...and show him this post
GL!
Dont you worry Femme. This momma is fighting hard for their individuality. Im 75% sure Im putting them in separate kindergarten classes. I will see how they do next year in preschool and then ask them what they want. If they want to stay together fine, if they dont care Im going to separate them.
I do dress them the same or coordinate their outfits but that is mostly for special occasions, pictures, and if its a super cute outfit. Plus its just easier to grab 2 of the same.
Plus to help even more they have such different personalities as they get older its going to be harder to "group" them together. Kennedy is quiet, shy and sweet. Kaydance is head strong, out going and sassy.
I'm sure different schools have different policies, but the year I taught kindergarten we had twins and they weren't allowed to be in the same classroom. Their mom was upset, but I think it was really good for them to have their own space, own friends, etc.
Good for you for fighting for your kids!
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
I'm with you. They need special one on one time! I'm a twin and we are fraternal but we still struggled at time with our own identity. We were contstantly called "the twins" and grouped into one.
BTW, femme - you were a kindergarten teacher? Never knew that one!
I team taught K for one year, team taught first grade for a year, and then had my own first grade classroom, which is when everything fell apart. I won't go into the gory details, but it wasn't for me. I still have nightmares about it, and I'm not exaggerating (my therapist thought I had PTSD from it- it was seriously bad). I admire teachers even more after my own experience trying to be one!
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
The issue isn't as strong on our case because our twins are so different, but I always try to call them by name instead of "the babies" when I can.
There is lots of research on whether twins should be together or apart in classrooms - MA just passed a law giving parents the choice.
As far as going out, I have a Whiteboard calendar on my fridge where we post our family's activities. For each day, I put a child's initials - for ex. Jan 1st was C, the 2nd was J, 3rd A...repeat to today. So if it's a J day - Julius goes out for errands, and gets the 1st turn for everthing - good or bad. 1st push on the swing, but also 1st bath, shot @ Dr's or whatever. Mine are a bit young for it now, but I see it preventing arguements amongst them as they near schoolage.
Okay the triplets are now six and are in different classes. When they were born I was hell bent on them not being separated however I wanted them to be individuals. The more I learned and got to know my children the more I knew they would benefit most by being separated, that does not mean that every twin, triplet, or multiple family would benefit from separation. You know your children best and you as a parent knows what is best for them.
I had rules that we still have in place, the family does not call them the triplets, I refer to them as that in writing but not to their face. I did call them the babies a good bit and now the kids. My three are so different that this was not hard to do.