I think I might have PPD, but...
...it's not related to my DD. I couldn't love her more. I don't feel overwhelmed by motherhood, I don't have thoughts of hurting her or her getting hurt. I love her almost too much. She is the one thing that makes the whole world worth it, and I melt just thinking about how perfect and wonderful she is. I spend all day taking care of her and playing with her just feeling blessed to have her.
Problem is, everything else is dismal in comparison. My body image and my marriage specifically. I hate my body. I cry everytime I have to see it in a mirror. I am ravaged by the extra weight and stretch marks, and while the sane part of me realizes it's all superficial and I should be happy for my happy and healthy LO I can't help but obsess about it. I cringe at the thought of myself and when people take pictures. None of my pre-preg clothes are anywhere near fitting and I feel like I am literally repulsive.
My marriage feels like it's totally fallen apart. DH loves DD so much, and for the most part he's a phenomenal dad. But as a husband and wife we can't connect. We are like two seperate people and fight all the time. I feel like there are no good times to outshine all the bad anymore. I find myself thinking about how I would handle a divorce and whether or not it would be better for DD and I to be on our own. This is not rational thinking, of course it's better for her to have two parents. He doesn't beat me, he's not a drinker or a gambler, our issues are minute in comparsion to the bigger stuff. But I still feel unloved and unwanted and it's devestating. All we do is argue and bicker and I can't seem to let go of my hurt and anger. He is able to brush it off and say all couples are this way (which makes me think I am being totally irrational), but that just makes me more upset that it doesn't get to him. He can be a wonderful man sometimes, but then other times he is ... well he isn't at all. I know I can't expect him to be perfect, I'm certainly not, but he can be really selfish and just plain mean and hurtful (with his words, and the way he talks to me).
Is it possible that I might have PPD even though I don't have the characteristic issues with my DD? (I am going to the Dr. Friday to talk about it with a professional, but wanted some objective opinions).
TIA.
Re: I think I might have PPD, but...
It is completely possible! My PPD has nothing to do with my son at all. Being with him was the only time I was happy. I was diagnosed with PPD and PP-OCD. It was taking a toll on my marriage, too. I wasn't talking to my husband about what was going on with me, and he was trying to ignore what was going on with me. He didn't realize that PPD could hit as late as it hit me. My son was more than 6 months old when mine hit - it wasn't until after I stopped BFing. I'm glad to hear that you are going to talk to your Dr about it. I hope that you get some peace soon! GL and keep us informed!!
I could have written your post myself!!