Need some support/advice - having trouble adjusting

mac1178

My DD is 12 days old today and since we brought her home from the hospital on April 18, I haven't felt like myself.

I feel like I lost my identity -- all my interests and activities have been put on hold and I've been crying a lot and feeling very alone. This feeling is especially worse when I don't get a lot of (or any) sleep at night and end up having to sleep when DD sleeps during the day/evening. Staying at home sleeping the day away is so depressing to me and I don't know what to do about it.  Also, I end up staying up with DD all night long in her nursery feeding her and trying to get back to sleep and sitting in her dark room alone all night is really getting to me.  I've started to dread the night time and I can't wait for the sun to come up every morning.  

I'm breastfeeding and because I have to be constantly on call to feed her, I'm feeling a bit like a prisoner.   It's getting to the point where I don't know if I can breastfeed anymore because I need some mental relief from all of this. 

My DH is so helpful and supportive, but he's already back to work and it's important that he gets sleep at night.  So I'm left to deal with DD on my own all night and while DH is working.  

I absolutely adore my DD and in no way resent her or have bad feelings towards her, but I'm having a terribly hard time adjusting to having her in my life and having my life be so different.  I'm on maternity leave for 12 weeks and I'm just wondering what I'm going to do all of this time.

Has anyone else felt this way? Will these feelings go away as I continue to adjust?  I'm scared that this will lead to a full on depression and want to keep this in check before it gets worse.

Any help you could give would be much appreciated.

rubygan

 Get help from fam. and talk to doctor.Also get out of the house everyday so you don't feel trapped all day in the house.I personally had to stop breastfeeding because it was to hard on me mentally and physically.Don't wait too long to talk to your doctor.

jaime5121

BFing isn't for everyone.  Happy Mom = Happy and HEALTHY child.  You need to be able to take care of you before you can take care of anyone else.  That was something that I forgot for a long time.  Please don't wait to see your Dr.  Call now - let us know how things go!  GL!!

sugarbabyluv

I think what you are feeling is completely normal.  It sounds to me that you are adjusting to the demands of Motherhood.  You should speak to your obgyn though, because he/she will know if you are truly ok or if you need extra care.  When your husband gets home, give him the baby, light some candles around the bathtub, turn down the lights, and soak yourself in the sweetest smelling, silkiest bubbles you can find - this does wonders for me.  Good luck and Congrats on your little girl. 

ChloeFH

I'm so sorry you're going through such rough stuff!  It's an overwhelming change to go from being an independant person to basically being tied to a baby.  And those d*mned baby blues certainly don't help either!

 

For me personally, co-sleeping was a great option - both LO and I were able to get more sleep and still nurse.  Of course, YMMV 

amandafisher

Totally remember feeling much of what you wrote.  For me I ended up with PPD and am taking Zoloft.  The medicine has helped tremendously and also getting out of the house even just to drive around with the baby and get a coffee was a must.  Taking time for yourself is important...feeling like you are losing your identity is scary but it will get better just keep a watch on it.  Best of luck!

Sunrise6

amandafisher:

Totally remember feeling much of what you wrote.  For me I ended up with PPD and am taking Zoloft.  The medicine has helped tremendously and also getting out of the house even just to drive around with the baby and get a coffee was a must.  Taking time for yourself is important...feeling like you are losing your identity is scary but it will get better just keep a watch on it.  Best of luck!

 

This exactly!  I had a rough time with breastfeeding, so much that I wanted to quit numerous times, and it made it even worse when my husband went back to work 6 days after our daughter's birth.  I kept talking to my ob who just thought it was the baby blues or SAD (she was born in Dec.) since the winter here sucked, but I stuck with it and once I started taking Zoloft I felt MUCH better!  I know its rough in the beginning, and for a while I couldn't even leave the house (a couple weeks total) because of the snow and ice.  It takes time to get your identity back, especially when you are so sleep deprived, but getting out of the house, even if its just for a short walk, will help you feel normal again.  I hope you feel better soon!

Sunrise6

I forgot to add that it really helped that my husband would help on the weekends by changing her and rocking her back to sleep while I went back to bed during the nighttime feeds.  He did this on Friday and Saturday nights until she was STTN.  Maybe you could ask your husband if he'd be willing to do something like that. 

3xParent

Yes! get some help! It's amazing how sleep deprivation undermines our mental outlook (never mind the crazy hormones). But it's equally amazing what a solid 4-hours (no interruptions) can do to change your entire outlook.

good luck. It will get better. 

 

desik

I felt the exact same way. Definitely get some help from you husband. Also, get out of the house! It really helps.

Your feelings are normal and it gets better. Hang in there!

Stella2008

I understand how you are feeling--I was having similar feelings around the same time after having DD. I remember thinking about how excited I was to go back to work at the 12 week mark at that time (and by week 10 I was totally dreading it),  back to my normal life, etc. But what I now realize, looking back, is that was my normal life-a new normal--not bad, not good, just different.

You have a lot of new stuff being thrown at you right now--please don't be afraid of asking for help (from a doctor or even just a friend or family member), get out of the house (I swear, this totally worked for me--just going for a walk around the block and seeing the sunshine worked wonders for me), and seriously, sleep whenever you can. I know it feels weird and abnormal, but not getting enough sleep can seriously mess with your mind. And also, give yourself a break. You are doing a great job caring for your new LO! If BF ends up not being right for you, than stop. I ended up switching to exclusively pumping after about a week because my daughter was really having trouble latching and I felt more in control (and I did this for 9 months).

Congratulations on your new LO! Enjoy this time with her. You will get through this!