S/O AR: Found MY Birthmom

Donniesgrrl

 

I have had this nagging feeling to look on Facebook, so I took a few minutes this morning to google her name and she came up on Someone elses page.

I have been wanting to contact her but with everything that has been going on it has been hard to take 10 minutes of my day to really put some though into it.  SO this morning when I was thinking about it I did it.  However I cannot message her or try and send a friend request or anything, but I also found my Half Brother and half sister as well as my Birth Father.

It is so surreal and I am trying to let it sink in before I make my next move.  I think I am going to write her a letter and mail it to her, it seems like the most appropriate approach...any thoughts?

I don't even know how to start a letter like that...

FWIW, I have her hair and smile, DD has her Nose, god it is so strange to think that all this time I have wanted to know what she looks like and all it took was 5 minutes on Google and Facebook...

2bWednDec

wow...that gives me the chills!  When did you last see or hear from her?  I'm not sure on how to approach it, but I would think electronic methods may be better to initiate to keep it all more private.  I'd be afraid of snail mail letter getting in the wrong hands. 

My former fosterdaughter's dad had another child who's now 18 years old (he left at birth).  He contacted her for the first time on facebook and she deleted her account immediately after...but that is the reverse of your situation. 

I wish you the best with whatever you decide.  Report back!

CaptainSerious

Hello, and since I haven't seen you around, welcome to the board!

I can only imagine how weird it must have seemed to look at her picture and see elements of yourself and your daughter in her face.  I do know someone who connected with his birthmother as an adult, and the relationship they have formed has been very rewarding for them both.

The few times we've encountered this type of post, it seems that the consensus is a letter is a great way to introduce yourself.  That way, they have time to process the information before responding, and neither of you are locked into a face-to-face or real-time conversation.  If you like, you can always give her your e-mail or phone number in your letter, but that's putting the ball in her court to raise the level of communication.

2bWednDec:

I'm not sure on how to approach it, but I would think electronic methods may be better to initiate to keep it all more private.  I'd be afraid of snail mail letter getting in the wrong hands. 

I feel the exact opposite about this.  Electronic communication can be duplicated and sent around the world so quickly, I personally, would never feel comfortable using it for this level of intimate and shocking communication.

Donniesgrrl

It is very strange and surreal.

I have never had contact with her, just her mother (My Birth Grandmother), and she agreed to keep that between us until I was ready to contact my BM on my own.

I am going to write her a letter tonight, I feel like everything is aligning for a reason and I feel good about it and that I am in a good place with it all.

I will keep you guys in the loop as soona s I hear something !

Thank you for the help!!

INgirlinDenver

How exciting!  I know that when my birthsister and birthmom found me, we had our contact via e-mail for a long time.  It was a great way to get to know someone without it being to overbearing.  Hope all goes very well!!

CaptainSerious

Donniesgrrl:

It is very strange and surreal.

I have never had contact with her, just her mother (My Birth Grandmother), and she agreed to keep that between us until I was ready to contact my BM on my own.

I am going to write her a letter tonight, I feel like everything is aligning for a reason and I feel good about it and that I am in a good place with it all.

I will keep you guys in the loop as soona s I hear something !

Thank you for the help!!

Sounds so exciting!  Please do keep us in the loop, and GOOD LUCK!

in0the0middle

How exciting! I found my birth father about three years ago in a similar way and I know exactly how you feel. I found his address online and wrote him a snail-mail letter, but I think it sat on my desk for about a week before I got up the nerve to send it. He got it on his birthday and replied via e-mail right away. Now I have the wonderful family (including three sisters and a brother) that I've always wanted and could not be happier. Taking that step is SO terrifying and I hope that you get exactly what you want out of this. If you want any advice or help or just need someone to talk to (people who aren't adopted just don't understand what a big deal this is...my hubby sure didn't!!) feel free to send me a message! Congrats!!