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Austin Babies
SAH/WAH(part time)Ms - do you feel...
- ... that taking care of your LO is a full-time job? And for this argument, let's just consider tasks that directly relate to LO, including but not limited to basic bodily care (diapering, feeding, soothing,etc), LO's laundry, entertaining, educating, keeping safe, worrying about, planning activites for, etc.
- (if you WAH pt)...that all the baby care listed above PLUS your work is a full time job? Is it more than full time(or less than)? and about how many hrs a week do you devote to your work?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: SAH/WAH(part time)Ms - do you feel...
No. I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I don't think taking care of my kids is a full-time job. I have waaaay too much time on my hands to try to convince myself otherwise.
Eh. I wouldn't call it the equivalent of a full time job. I mean, yeah, you do need to be available 24 hrs a day, but you aren't actively caring for your child for that whole time.
Also, it's different, in that you (the collective "you") are able to do other things while performing the job of mother. I can go grocery shopping, fold laundry, make dinner, go to the park, whatever- all while watching/ engaging my children. I couldn't do that while I was working full time (at least, not between the hours of 7:30-5:30.
I have a good two hours in the afternoon (sometimes more) where both boys are sleeping. I never had a full time job that included a two hour "break."
Now, having said that, I do think that caring for my children AND taking care of the house (and all that entails) is full time. During that two hour break, I (should) clean up the house, make diner, pay bills, do lawn work, etc. If I can get all that stuff done during the day time hours, that means that neither Jon nor I need to "work" (beyond taking care of the guys) once he gets home or over the weekend.
The kids/family are AB.SO.LUTE.LY a F/T job. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE it and wouldn't trade it for anything. I work p/t from home and am lucky to get in 10 hrs per week on my work (much has to be done after they go to bed.) That doesn't include the care of the LO's through the night....I would easily say that I "work" 20 hours out of the day in some form or fashion. I'm happy when I get 4 hours of sleep between all 3 LO's. (Nightmares, feedings, bathroom trips, whatev.) Grocery shopping and errands are even "work" now; they used to be a release of sorts - a way to escape, if you will, for me. Not any more. Going out of the house even for the park, even though we all enjoy it, is work from beginning to end.
I've offered to trade places with my DH for a week or a month, and he never has taken me up on it. I'd love to go play golf, take people out to lunch, and be home (if he's not traveling) by 3 or 4.
I can totally see twins as being a full time job and very hectic. I cannot understand how you mothers of multiples do it!
Ditto this.
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Yes, it is def. a full time job for me. Luke usually naps for 90 mins. a day, if I'm lucky. If I'm not I get less than an hour. In that 60-90 mins I try to get as much done as possible around the house.
Luke is a very high maintenance little boy. He can and will play independently, but there are lots of times when he wants my full and undivided attention. And even if he doesn't I have to keep a very close eye on him or he will inevitably get into something he shouldn't. I love him to death and wouldn't trade him for anything, but I find myself envious of moms who have easier children or children who take better naps.
At the end of the day I'm usually worn out from caring for him and trying to keep up with the housework. I wouldn't trade my life now for the life of a WOH mom, but it is not a cakewalk either.
i work 30-40 hours a week from home as well as watch both children. i do have a babysitter about one day a week and lily goes to mdo on tues and thurs mornings for 3 hours. i feel like i work more than full time
i think that all the tasks that relate to taking care of a baby CAN take up a full day. i think it takes up as much of your day as you have if that makes sense. meaning with 1 it feels like a full time job, then you have 2 and *that* feels like a full time job, but its clearly more work. does that make any sense?
I think my "job" is awesome and I wouldn't trade it for anything. It does take up all of my time, but it is also so much more fun than when I worked full time. I liked teaching, but it could be really stressful and I had to work late all the time. I do spend pretty much all of my day on Kate-related things, but we are trying to get her to nap which will hopefully free up some of my time for "house wife" jobs. (Cooking, cleaning, etc.)
I do babysit one day a week and I consider that working full time for that day. It's great and I love the girls that I am watching, but I am tired at the end of the day and ready for DH to take Kate so I can have a break.
I was very up front with DH that my job while I was a SAHM was to take care of Kate, not to cook and clean. Luckily he agrees with me.
I'm on my own with both kids from the time DH goes to take a shower and get dressed work for until he comes home that night - whatever time that may be. He is great about helping out when he's home, especially if I'm working. However, even when he's home, I'm pretty much solely responsible for nursing Alex and washing his cloth diapers.
I also pay all the bills, buy the groceries, do the bulk of the cooking and cleaning, the laundry, etc. DH is great about helping out IF I remind him.
Sometimes I have to leave the kids with him for several hours at a time, along with a To Do list to remind him how much I do.
Meredith, 6-1-06 and Alex, 11-5-09
I would say that most of the time, it is a full-time job. From 7 a.m. until 5:30 p.m. I'm on my own with D. That is 10 hours a day/5 days a week. Yes, he takes naps but during that time I am doing things around the house, cooking, cleaning, etc. While it is a more flexible job than what I was doing before, it is still a job. On top of that I work at PB part time and teach fitness classes part time and the latter takes up a lot of my free time (coming up with routines, practicing, etc.) DH completely understands that I do have a full time job and I couldn't have SAH without us being in agreement about that.
If I was WOH, I would definitely have a maid and we would probably eat out a little more because I would be too tired to cook some nights. Plus, it's a lot easier to go to the grocery store and run errands, without a 10 month old tagging along.
That being said, I love my job(s)!
being a SAHM is definitely a full-time job. trying to work at the same time is insane... thank GOD for MDO! ken gets it because he's with aubrey one-on-one just about every weekend and evening while i'm working. he knows how much work it is and that it's definitely not a break of any sort.
No, I do not think being a SAHM is a full time job. I agree with MC.
I personally in addition to SAH wit 2 work about 25-28 hours a week from home. Yes, I do think with the combo of everything I work more than what would be equal to a full time job. Every nap is pretty much taken up with my actual work. I do go in the office one day a week when J goes to a sitter all day and Abby goes to MDO two mornings a week. I am also lucky that DH works mostly from home as well, so we have worked out our schedules so that Sundays are my work day and he takes full-time care of the kids and one afternoon a week he also takes full-time care of the kids. I still end up working a lot of evenings though. If DH did not work from home there is no way I could work that many actual work hours on top of having 2 kids at home.
Judging by the way posts spike on the nest during the week, I'm guessing that quite a few nesties working "full time" aren't really working that whole time.
Some may be stuck in an office for 40 hours a week, but not everyone is actually WORKING 40 hours a week. KWIM?
Comparing my working hours pre-SAHM vs. my current hours, I probably do more now. Why? Because Mike works longer hours than he did then. He isn't home as much as he was when Meredith was first born and I was working full-time, so he had time to be more involved with Meredith, the house, the bills, etc. When I worked full-time, I was at work for 8 hours a day. Right now I'm "on duty" for probably 12 or so a day (on average).
Yes, I do have time now when Meredith is at preschool or Alex is napping, but rarely do those two times coincide with each other, so I almost always have at least one child that I'm watching. Yeah, I can nest or whatever while Meredith is entertaining herself and Alex is happy, but I also usually have someone hanging out with me in the bathroom when I'm trying to pee. I have two little ones coming along wherever I need to go. In contrast, when I was working full time outside the home, I could go out for lunch with friends or use that hour to run errands, do some shopping, whatever. I could drop Meredith off at daycare and then run to the doctor or the gym or what have you. Now kiddos come along for anything and everything.
In some ways I have it easier than I did when I worked outside the home full-time. In some ways I have it harder. I honestly don't think it's really an apples to apples comparison. Does that make sense?
Meredith, 6-1-06 and Alex, 11-5-09
I would say that while I am "on" 24/7, the work load in and of itself doesn't equal a full time job. However, even though I stay home with DS, that doesn't mean that the combination of caring for him, caring for the house/homefront (for lack or a better word), plus my volunteer/board obligations isn't full time work (plus some!)
I would say that I easily put more hours in a week with that combination of tasks, then I did when I was working a full-time paid job (there was more downtime there than I have now.)
I sometimes think people fail to realize that not getting paid to do a task doesn't mean that it isn't work.
Thanks for all the responses! Maybe I'm just more easily overwhelmed by the work than most, but I feel like taking care of A in addition to trying to keep a business afloat, plus household tasks, plus other random things that I do add up to way more than full time. I feel like I don't get a true "day off." There are days where it is almost all I can do just to unload the dishwasher. I guess it doesn't help that A is a very high maintenance baby. I feel like I'm "on" 100% of the time she's awake.
I think this is what DH thinks sometimes. He got really upset with me when we started talking about all this because I said it's a lot just to take care of A as well as get business emails answered and stuff having to do with work, and he pulls out this, "Well, you only made $X last year, so I don't think you are really working that hard." I was LIVID. Um, hello? I was out on maternity leave for 4 months WHICH WE DECIDED TOGETHER was going to be the plan. That's 1/3 of the year, and in my business it's a MAJOR season, so essentially I was out for what I'd consider equivalent to at least 1/2 the money making year last year.
We talked a little more about it and we've come to a much better understanding, but I'm still a little upset that he really thought I wasn't contributing.
Is there something else going on that would lead him to say that? I mean, is he worried about finances? If so, perhaps he's trying to express that but it's not coming out very well. Is there something that he can do to help out around the house or with A that would give you more time to focus on your business? Perhaps if he could pitch in some of his free (pun intended) time, you could earn more?
Meredith, 6-1-06 and Alex, 11-5-09
I'm trying really hard to say this nicely, and not sound snarky at all.
Welcome to Parenting. Seriously. If that's the case, then I haven't had a day off in over 8 years. Parents don't get days off.
You make your own lifestyle. My life is very relaxed. Sometimes the house is trashed and sometimes I spend all day cleaning. Some days its all Go Go Go, and some days we stay in our pjs all day long. I get plenty of down time...Layna has had lots of independent play while I read a book, a magazine, watch Days, Nest...whatever.
I'm not running a business, so take this lightly. But if someone (anyone) is overwhelmed by household tasks and taking care of the kids....why are you pushing yourself so hard? If you truly feel like you haven't had a day off, then take a day off! Stay in your pajamas. Leave the dishes in the sink. Don't make the bed. Put your kid down on the floor with some toys and just do whatever you feel like doing. Anything that needs to be done can wait till tomorrow. Everybody is different, but the only reason I am a SAHM is so that I can do things on my own timetable. I know that it doesn't matter a bit whether my kids are home with me or at daycare. I stay home for me, not for the kids
I do. :P I take one day per week where DH is in charge. I sleep in, go do my thing, scrapbook. He's in charge of her from waking to bedtime. No parenting responsibility for me. Highly recommend.
First, I'm 100% with everything McGee said. Thanks for thoughtfully putting down exactly what I was thinking.
I'm gonna try to answer in a non-snarky manner too, because I completely disagree.
Right now DH is in Reno on his annual bowling tournament trip. He's been "off duty" since Friday afternoon and wont' be back till tomorrow afternoon. I have not had one complete day of being "off duty" since Luke was born. Part of this is by choice, part of it because we have NO family within driving distance and part of it is because I can't seem to get my GFs together for a girls' weekend. Sucky all around.
Second, there is no way in heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllll I could plop Luke in the floor with toys and attempt to read a book. Within 5 mins he'd either be demolishing something I thought was baby proofed (and MrsChristmas can testify to this--baby proofed does not always = Luke proofed) or pulling at my leg for me to play with him. It just doesn't happen...and believe me, I've tried. You are very, very lucky to have such a laid back daughter.
I agree with Ali for the most part. Except for the occassional girls' weekend/guys' weekend/couples' weekend, neither DH or I get a "day off" in the traditional sense. Once you're responsible for someone else, it just doesn't happen. And because we share duties when we're both home, we each have downtime, but not a full day off.
Heck, I've taken more full weekends than DH--he's having his first guys' weekend in over 1.5 years in June, I've had probably 4 in that time period (my BFFs almost all live in TX, his are in OH, so it's easier for us girls).
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I have typed out a few different responses but deleted them all because I can't seem to articulate my point well without coming off snarky.
I do consider my SAHM gig and WOH PT gig to = a more than FT job. And it is much more difficult now than it was when I was just working the FT job preCamy. Instead of 50 paid hours a week like before, I now have 20 paid hours and 148 unpaid hours a week. Roughly 67 of those unpaid hours, Camy is awake and with me (not DH) and demanding of my constant attention. And being home with Camy does not mean I get to do things on my own time, though I sometimes wish it did. Camy runs this show and seldom lets me do what I want to do.. sometimes she doesn't even let me do what I need to do.
That said, I wouldn't trade this job for the world.
The O'Baby Blog
This is exactly what I was thinking about Baby A!!! There is no "put her down with a few toys and let her play" at our house. She's CONSTANTLY into everything - the kid has figured out that the outlet covers come off the outlets...she hasn't gotten one off yet, but she's actually come close. ::off to find stronger outlet covers:: Anyway my point is that while she WILL play independently, no problem, it's not necessarily something I WANT her to play with!
ETA: Also for the record, I did not mean to sound like I was complaining when I said that I felt like I never get a day off and that I'm "on" all the time. I completely anticipated this when I decided to become a mother and I don't mind it 98% of the time. HOWEVER, when DH tries to tell me that I don't do enough in addition to taking care of A, because he doesn't understand that having a kid means my attention is 100% focused on her, THAT is what I have a problem with.
I get that. Even with my super-independent-laid back kids I still have my moments where I hide in the bathroom with a book for 20 minutes. And disagreements with DH about this crap sucks. DH and I just had it out the other day because I'm sick of cleaning up after him all the time. He thinks I should do it because I don't have anything else to do. I don't have any excuses beside the fact that I simply don't want to pick up his scattered dirty laundry!
I have a feeling that the temperament of your (general you) child has a *lot* to do with how you answered this question. One of our friends has an incredibly laid back baby. Her husband has a full time job (8-5, not flexible hours) and he worked from home and watched their son until he was 8 months old. No problems. Their son spent most of his day either napping or sitting in a bouncy chair and was happy as a clam.
Now DH works from home, but he can't even watch Kate for an hour while he is working. He cannot get *anything* done and he would be fired. Will she play independently? Maybe for about 5 minutes. Then she is either screaming, trying to climb my leg, or trying to climb the walls. I swear, we need a padded room. I have to watch her like a hawk.
Also, I don't know about these mythical babies that nap and give their parents a break, but Kate is not one of them. Up until this past week I either held her or we sat in the car for all of her naps. It was the only way she would sleep. Now we are trying Ferber which means she's not napping at all. The girl can go 12 hours with no nap. I'm hoping this improves and to be fair she did take a few naps this week in her crib (like 4.) It was incredible. I did read a book even though I should have been cleaning.
So, any house work happens after DH is off of work. Most days he and Kate walk to the grocery store and then he cooks dinner while I play with her. He bathes Kate while I clean up the kitchen. In return, I try to take Kate over to my mom's house for a few hours on the weekend. This way we both get a break.