Ugh. I don't think he will ever change!

Jocelyn0415

I know that we've only been separated for a week and half and we had our first counseling session yesterday, but he has not started trying to make any changes on his own...

At 7:15 this morning, I get a phone call from him. I answer in my extremely sleepy state and say, "Hello?" I get this...

Him- Are you mentally challenged or something?

Me- What are you talking about?

Him- You took your car last night! (he has a truck and I have an SUV. We've been trading cars on the nights he has her)

Me- Oh my gosh! I didn't mean to. You can strap her in without the base. I'm sorry! (mind you, I was being sincere)

Him- Yeah you are. ::click::

What a fvcking asshat! Does he think that I would intentionally take my car? I guess he would have no idea that sleep deprivation does nothing for your short term memory. UGH!

 

fauxshelley

If I were you, I wouldn't give that a$$hole the time of day, much less waste time in counseling with him.  Furthermore, I wouldn't let him take a 5 month old over night unless I had a court order telling me to do so.  But, I'm a biitch like that.

Abuse is abuse, and it's not a far stretch from physically abusing you to abusing a baby that won't stop crying.  I'm just sayin'

mrgn

Tell him to buy a new car and get a damn base. It's not your problem if he chooses to have a truck. You are accommodating him WAY too much. Like PP said, I would NOT allow him to take her over night. Didn't you say that he was physically abusive toward you? Nevermind the fuucking comment he made. What a CHILD. I can't imagine living with that man. You need to stand up for yourself. Be sure to document this phone call. Ugh. I can't even think about what I would do to someone if they said that to me. It is offensive on so many levels. What an ignorant priick.

Jocelyn0415

The problem is, he's a GREAT father, but a terrible partner. He loves her so much, and I would never want to keep him away from her. I know he would never do anything to hurt her. He's just a prick to me and his family.

Which is why I'm staying with them right now and he's not. His dad said he was on "Team Jocelyn" the other night. I told him that's just not right, but I had to laugh. He said, "He's just mad at us because he knows we prefer you over him."

You know you're bad when your family prefers your fiance over you. Yikes!

haleyw458

Jocelyn0415:

The problem is, he's a GREAT father, but a terrible partner. He loves her so much, and I would never want to keep him away from her. I know he would never do anything to hurt her. He's just a prick to me and his family.

Which is why I'm staying with them right now and he's not. His dad said he was on "Team Jocelyn" the other night. I told him that's just not right, but I had to laugh. He said, "He's just mad at us because he knows we prefer you over him."

You know you're bad when your family prefers your fiance over you. Yikes!

Yikes is right!

But I understand what you mean when you said he's a great father but a terrible partner. X was the same way! Sorry he's such an ass. Hopefully counseling will make him realize exactly how he is. And X started taking DS overnight from the very beginning, so like 3 1/2 months.

I hope everything gets better!

skimberlin

I would tell him he needs to get his own base if he is going to act like that. If he is tuely a good father I wouldn't take that away. That just means you will have to deal with stupid things like this, but don't let it get to you. It's important to have their father. I remember you saying things about drug and alcohol problems.  That would worry me a little. 

Jocelyn0415

skimberlin:

I would tell him he needs to get his own base if he is going to act like that. If he is tuely a good father I wouldn't take that away. That just means you will have to deal with stupid things like this, but don't let it get to you. It's important to have their father. I remember you saying things about drug and alcohol problems.  That would worry me a little. 

I think you may be thinking of someone else. He doesn't have any drug or alcohol problems.

We would get in arguments more often when he would drink, but he doesn't drink very often. 

achase123

Jocelyn0415:

The problem is, he's a GREAT father, but a terrible partner. He loves her so much, and I would never want to keep him away from her. I know he would never do anything to hurt her. He's just a prick to me and his family.

Which is why I'm staying with them right now and he's not. His dad said he was on "Team Jocelyn" the other night. I told him that's just not right, but I had to laugh. He said, "He's just mad at us because he knows we prefer you over him."

You know you're bad when your family prefers your fiance over you. Yikes!

I still wouldn't let him take her overnight-she is really little to start that, I think the standard protocol is 18 months or something. 

Ok, the fact that his family does not like him is HUGE-usually they don't have much of a choice but to stick up for their own flesh and blood-HUGE red flag!

And I agree with fauxshelley-sounds like counseling isn't going to help.  The conversation that you posted shows so many things: verbal abuse, emotional abuse, name calling, complete and total disrespect, and immaturity.  It is amazing that one conversation could be so telling.  This is the man that's begging you to work on your marriage???  Where is he trying-I can't see it. 

Jocelyn0415

achase123:

Jocelyn0415:

The problem is, he's a GREAT father, but a terrible partner. He loves her so much, and I would never want to keep him away from her. I know he would never do anything to hurt her. He's just a prick to me and his family.

Which is why I'm staying with them right now and he's not. His dad said he was on "Team Jocelyn" the other night. I told him that's just not right, but I had to laugh. He said, "He's just mad at us because he knows we prefer you over him."

You know you're bad when your family prefers your fiance over you. Yikes!

I still wouldn't let him take her overnight-she is really little to start that, I think the standard protocol is 18 months or something. 

Ok, the fact that his family does not like him is HUGE-usually they don't have much of a choice but to stick up for their own flesh and blood-HUGE red flag!

And I agree with fauxshelley-sounds like counseling isn't going to help.  The conversation that you posted shows so many things: verbal abuse, emotional abuse, name calling, complete and total disrespect, and immaturity.  It is amazing that one conversation could be so telling.  This is the man that's begging you to work on your marriage???  Where is he trying-I can't see it. 

EXACTLY! And we're not married, thank the lord! 

If I posted our whole story from start to finish, I think you guys would be floored and ask me why the fvck I didn't get out sooner. I know this in my head, so why do I still want to give him a chance? I really don't think counseling is going to fix him. I guess I just want to be able to say I really tried and it was just him, not me.

fauxshelley

Jocelyn0415:

  I guess I just want to be able to say I really tried and it was just him, not me.

I get this, but when abuse enters the picture, you do not need to try and make it work, you need to get out and make a better life for yourself and your child.  What advice would you give to your DD if she were in the same situation?

Jocelyn0415

fauxshelley:

Jocelyn0415:

  I guess I just want to be able to say I really tried and it was just him, not me.

I get this, but when abuse enters the picture, you do not need to try and make it work, you need to get out and make a better life for yourself and your child.  What advice would you give to your DD if she were in the same situation?

I know, and this is the exact reason why I left him. I don't want her growing up thinking it's ok to be treated this way. I'm trying to give him a chance to change and I told him we won't even talk about me coming home until I see those changes. 

skimberlin

Jocelyn0415:

skimberlin:

I would tell him he needs to get his own base if he is going to act like that. If he is tuely a good father I wouldn't take that away. That just means you will have to deal with stupid things like this, but don't let it get to you. It's important to have their father. I remember you saying things about drug and alcohol problems.  That would worry me a little. 

I think you may be thinking of someone else. He doesn't have any drug or alcohol problems.

We would get in arguments more often when he would drink, but he doesn't drink very often. 

So

Sorry I must have been thinking of someone else. I usually remember ppl by siggys.

Kentuckychick_8201

What an as$ hole.  Tell him to buy a freaking base.  By the way I am divorced (or will be officially in June when the papers are stamped) but we have been seperated for months because my ex husband mentally and verbally abused me. They rarely change.  He sounds like a total jerk, I hope he changes for your sake or that you get out.  I am glad I finally did.  It is really really hard but it was definitely the best thing I ever did for myself and in the long run for DD.

xcjen06

fauxshelley:

If I were you, I wouldn't give that a$$hole the time of day, much less waste time in counseling with him.  Furthermore, I wouldn't let him take a 5 month old over night unless I had a court order telling me to do so.  But, I'm a biitch like that.

Abuse is abuse, and it's not a far stretch from physically abusing you to abusing a baby that won't stop crying.  I'm just sayin'

This.

I won't let ex be with DS alone because I have always thought if he can hit me while I am pregnant then he certainly could hurt a crying baby.

Judging from the conversation you posted it doesn't sound like he is trying very hard and I don't know if counseling is going to fix someone who isn't trying.

kimfoley88

This makes me sad! I think you're a great girl and definitely don't deserve that behavior!! Stay strong girly!!