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Austin Babies
s/o f/u to parenting choices, judgements, and beating dead horses
I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but when we started Ferber, I was TERRIFIED of what my AP friends on this board would think of me. 
I know that you girls would never judge me (right, m_and_m and boxer? 
) so I know I'm being silly....but still....sometimes those parenting choices are so hard when you're afraid others might judge you for them.
I'm really glad we're all supportive of each other regardless. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: s/o f/u to parenting choices, judgements, and beating dead horses
Exactly, I avoid posting some of my parenting issues for this same reason.
I bet no one would support me when I told them I often put the boys outside on the deck when they're being bad. Then I go take a nice long hot bath and a nap.
What?! I give them snacks (processed, highly salted/sugared) and sippy cups of juice!
It's like that Mom Mafia article recently on CNN. We all have our own ways of doing things, no one does the same things w/ their kids as anyone else, no one's kids are better or worse than anyone else's (on here anyway! IMO) so why we beat each other up for everyone's own choices is beyond me. Hey, it's your kid, your life, you do it how you want. Don't judge me and I won't judge you.
I know I have come long way as far as not judging other moms for their choices. I hope that just because my opinion differs doesn't make me sound judgy. But I'm famous for coming off the wrong way, so who knows. But I'm sorry!
Aww, that makes me sad. I, for one, think everyone seems to be doing a smashing job with their kids from what I read on here.
I can say that I definitely appreciate the different parenting styles that are represented on this board. I feel like it gives me a great opportunity to think about choices/styles that I don't necessarily see in my day to day life with friends and family.
If you mean the sleep crap...I think we all support you. If you don't want to CIO, then you don't want to. But I think we all get to a point where we just don't know what other advice to give. I'm sorry that you haven't felt supported in your decisions. I have never thought less of someone because of co-sleeping or non-CIO methods.
If you don't mean the CIO crap, then ignore everything I just said.
This is for anything in general....I might not agree with or understand all the choices people make, but that doesn't mean I don't support them. I don't believe in all the benefits of breastfeeding but I support anyone who wants to do so. I've passed on so much breastfeeding info to my IRL friends, its ridiculous how much I know about the topic considering I've never actually done it
I'm judging you right now.
kidding.
This! Oops! I hit the wrong button the first time, and now it won't let me delete.
I just feel like some parenting decisions are more supported in general on this board. I wasn't talking specifically about the CIO crap, but I'll use that as an example. Please note that I'm not mad, not upset, not calling ANYONE out. I'm all P&R here
But if someone posts asking for help with Ferber, there are a thousand and one replies with ideas for how to Ferberize the best. If someone posts asking for help with non-CIO stuff, there are a thousand and one replies that are "not-pressuring you to CIO or anything but..." I think it's just the popular trend on here and that's fine. Same thing probably goes with other issues that I'm on the other side of the fence for and don't notice it. But I do wish there was more support for some of the non-popular parenting choices. Does that make sense?
Honestly, I think it is the region, sometimes. Like, being a SAHM...I feel constant pressure about that. But when I lived in California, being a SAHM, due to how EXPENSIVE it was to live there, was not the norm. (I continue to work because I, unfortunately, move here with the "California Mentality" and now have a poop-ton of bills to pay...but hey...live and learn!)
OH!!! And sometimes, I have to correct people when I am 5 minutes late for an appt. I know everyone's time is valuable, but I am NOT a SAHM, so most times I come from meetings or conversations with managers, or some unavoidable task that makes me have to haul arse to some sort of appt. for my child!
(Sidestory: This one biatch made me cry yesterday! (not in front of her...ran out to my car instead.) I am dealing with the stress of correcting some communication issues with my eldest DD (which I know are my fault for putting her with a pretty much non-english speaking nanny for the first two years of her life...because I am not a SAHM and I am evil for that - sorry - guilt talking) and being pregnant and having a project due...i was 5 minutes late!! Chastise me when I am 14!)
Breastfeeding...another "hot" issue for me, but I don't think that is regional...that is this generation's "trend". err...well, what I meant was, it was common in my mom's generation to formula feed (she looked at me crazy when I was trying to do it...I ended up a FF, though, for my own personal reasons)....before her, they breastfed (of course...don't know when formula was invented...).
I brought up the "prospect" of cloth diapers for this last kid up with the DH. Now, this one, I think, is regional. He reminded me what a PITA it would be, so we continue to be "environment killers"...heh.
So...I end my dissertation with this...I am soooooo not judging anyone! The ultimate goal is for everyone to have happy and healthy babies/children and there is no ONE WAY to do it!
(And I just hope I have some money set aside for the hours of therapy my kids might need just in case I DO make mistakes...ya know...it is always the mom's fault
FWIW, when kiarox posted wanting non CIO advice (and in the thread I said, "I'm not pressuring you to CIO..." I did email her with a BUNCH of non CIO suggestions, because I'd been in her shoes. I just didn't post em on here.
I supported her in her feeling like CIO wasn't right at that moment - or at least I hope I did.
I know you weren't talking about me specifically, Lib. But I wanted to put that out there.
Sure, I understand that. I always feel bad reading the non-CIO posts because there's a lack of responses. I always want to respond, just to help, and have to preface it with Not to Pressure....because its really the only advice I have to offer.
I'll play. I feel that there is more support for some choices on this board because more people have done them. Non-sleep example: If someone posted about formula feeding and wanted advice, I wouldn't respond because I don't know anything about formula. It doesn't mean that I don't support them, I just don't have anything to add because I don't know anything about it.
I think that with the sleep thing, I felt that there was very little support for me to do non-CIO stuff in the real world, not on this board. My whole family, my pediatrician, and in the end DH were all pressuring me to do CIO. Finally I gave in. Was it the right decision for us? I don't know. Do I feel like some of my friends have judged me? I only have one friend in real life who hasn't had to do CIO. I don't know if she judges me or not. I hope no one on this board judges me, but I would understand if they did. I'm sure that I judge myself far harsher than they do. I haven't felt this bad since I caved and got the epi.
As far as the board goes, several lovely ladies (including CJ) e-mailed me with non-CIO suggestions. I wish that they had felt comfortable enough to post them for all to see, but I can understand why they didn't. For the record, I have probably gotten equal Ferber/ non-CIO support from this board. Sadly, I think it was too little too late for us. After our well baby visit at the pedi on Friday, DH was raring to go and I didn't have the heart to keep telling him no. We had been "discussing" this since early December and obviously my methods were having no effect whatsoever. Kate was sleeping worse than ever.
In the end, we made the decision that was right for our entire family.