Infertility

Vent about my upcoming IVF

I'll be starting Lupron this week and I'm just filled with dread about this upcoming cycle. I think I'm a little depressed about it, I've had a tough road with 3 fresh and 2 frozen cycles, 3 early losses and a couple of BFN's. Each failed cycle has broken my heart a little more. I know logically I've got just as good of a shot this time as any other, but all I can foresee is some new kind of failure. I guess I'm just scared. :-(
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Re: Vent about my upcoming IVF

  • LCB34LCB34 member

    It is ok to be scared and it is ok to have these feelings.  You have been to hell with all of your treatment and cycles so everything is totally justifiable!

    Let us be excited for you while you sort through these feelings.  I'm pretty sure you will get excited/ eager to progress as thing start moving quicker.

    I'll be thinking about you!  (((HUGS)))

  • I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. IMO, you have every right to feel that way..you've been through so much.

    I really, really, really hope this is your cycle. I'll be positive for you :)

     

    TTC #1 since June 2008 *SAIFW*

    TI, IUIs, IVF = c/ps and BFNs

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  • imageLCB34:

    It is ok to be scared and it is ok to have these feelings.  You have been to hell with all of your treatment and cycles so everything is totally justifiable!

    Let us be excited for you while you sort through these feelings.  I'm pretty sure you will get excited/ eager to progress as thing start moving quicker.

    I'll be thinking about you!  (((HUGS)))

    This exactly!  We will be thinking of you!

  • Oh, I so hope that this cycle is the one for you  It's definitely your turn. (((hugs)))
    TTK 9/06 / TTC 10/08 / Twins 12/11 / Life Blog
    5 REs + 3 surgical hysteroscopies for septum/lap + 3 failed IUIs
    IVF w/ICSI/AH & acu = BFP!, unexplained spontaneous m/c @ 8w2d (our little girl),
    FET w/acu = BFP!, B/G twins!, lost MP @19w, dx w/funneling cervix @20w,
    twins nearly lost to IC @21w, saved by rescue cerclage, 17P & 16w of bedrest
    Our twins born @36w4d via CS when A came foot first

    Thankful for every day

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • (((bighugs)))

    I am thinking about you and will be thinking tons of good thoughts for your cycle.  

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  • You have every right to feel the way you do. You've been through more dissapointment than I can imagine. I really hope this is it for you!
    Crohn's resulting in colectomy with J-Pouch surgery in 2000/2001.
    TTC since August 2008
    IVF#1: BFFN; IVF#2: BFN; FET with new RE: BFN
    IVF#3: ER 1/15; ET 1/20; Beta#1 1/29: 339!
    Twins girls born via c/s at 37w/3d!!
    "Let it go, this too shall pass."
  • ((HUGS)).  The fear is understandable - you've been through more than anyone should have to.  Lots of positive energy is coming your way throughout this cycle, Monty, and I'm predicting a BFP at the end!!  Hang in there.
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  • I think after all you've been through and the roller coaster hell of betaville you had to live in it is perfectly understandable for you to be scared shitless. 

    I've been here for every cycle and will continue to support you in any way I can cutie.  For now, we'll be excited and hopeful and you do what you need to to protect yourself.  I think as you get closer you'll feel a little more excited about starting. 

    I am praying that this cycle is finally your sticky baby.  Those kitties need a little one or two to play with.

    ((HUGS)) & PPV!

    image
    Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, It empties today of its strength. ~Corrie ten Boom
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher (thank you beadinglady)

    It's been a long journey. TTC since 9/06. multiple IUI's and IVF's and 4 m/c's. IVF#3 = BFP, twins, induced at 34w6d due to baby b passing away (no explanation). Delivered on 35w1d, Baby A - baby girl, and Baby B - baby boy, our little angel.
    MTHFR A1298C & C677T, Immune Issues and Factor II
  • koynkoyn member
    It is so Ok to be scared. I know it can be depressing to feel this way but just one step at the time may help you get through it.  I am thinking of you.  I hope this is the one for you. 
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  • (((hugs))) Monty. I have been there. What always helped me was to have a backup, and for me it was DE. I made peace with it and had this last cycle not worked I knew that was prob my next step. Even if that is not on your mind, I sometimes think it helps to line up your plan. That and schedule lots of things in t he 2ww to keep your mind off of everything. We are so rooting for you but I can def relate to the feelings. IVF is scary s%$#, and not the routine part but this emotional part.
  • I know exactly what you mean.  With each failure and each loss, my heart cracked more and more.  I honestly don't know how I managed to get through each day.  Just know that I'm here rooting for you and really hoping that this is finally your lucky cycle. 
    TTC with unexplained IF since 8/2007 6 losses, one beautiful perfect boy in our arms Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • I don't have any advice as I've not be down that road yet but I wanted to offer you (((HUGE HUGS))) and tell you good luck on this up coming cycle, I hope this is the one you get your precious baby from.
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  • I think it's totally normal to be scared and feeling down about it. You have been through a lot! Just wanted to let you know that I'm pulling for you!
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  • I know that there is a huge part of me that is scared shitless for my upcoming IVF and it's only my second IVF. Multiple m/c don't help either.

    I think it's okay to be scared. I try my best to be hopeful, but a lot of times that's easier said than done.

    I am sending you tons of PPV for this cycle. Good luck hon :) 

    image
    Unexplained Infertility

    After two Clomid cycles, three injectable IUI cycles, two IVFs, two miscarriages, and one lap surgery, IVF #2 has brought us our little boy!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    TTC #2
    After months of being postponed or cancelled, FET #1.3 (Natural FET) brought us twin girls!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    Surprise! Baby #4 is due in March!
  • you've been through so much. you have every right to those feelings.

    i think once you start stimming, things will change for you.

    You can always lean on us.

    Dx: MFI, DOR, 9 Fibroids and homozygous MTHFR

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    "Smudge's Story - How to Grow a Dandelion" will return soon!
    The Dandelion Archive
    "If dandelions were hard to grow, they would be most welcome on any lawn."

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  • I hear ya Monty. I have not been through all you have but i also feel very trepidatous about this cycle. its like I can't let myself get excited or the BFN will hurt all the more.

    On the other hand I see people who have struggled & have gotten their sticky BFP's & it gives me hope that it can happen for us too.

    Good Luck & ((HUGS))

  • jani7jani7 member
    imageLCB34:

    It is ok to be scared and it is ok to have these feelings.  You have been to hell with all of your treatment and cycles so everything is totally justifiable!

    Let us be excited for you while you sort through these feelings.  I'm pretty sure you will get excited/ eager to progress as thing start moving quicker.

    I'll be thinking about you!  (((HUGS)))

    Well said!    Sending you good luck!!

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  • It's really scary. It's SO hard to be positive. You just have to think... This is my time. My sticky baby will be now. The let down is going to be horrible if you're thinking positively or negatively, so do your best to be positive.

    You definitely have a lot of people pulling for you, myself included!

    DX: Him: Super sperm Me: Diminished pituitary function due to tumor removed April 2008, MTHFR Hetero C677T & A1298C
    IVF #1-4=BFN IVF #5=BFP! U/S on 5/3 revealed TWINS!

    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

  • It is so hard to get excited after so much pain and frustration, but we are here for you cheering you on. Good luck, sweetie! I hope that this is it for you!
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  • After all you've been through so far, I think it is totally normal to feel this way.  Just remember that you aren't ready to give up and neither was your RE so all you can do is take it one day at time.
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  • You have been through so much, and I am so sorry for your pain and your losses.  We are all here to support you.  Huge hugs!!
    TTC with DOR, low morphology, fertilization issues
    IVF#1 Oct 2009 (CCRM) - BFN
    IVF#2 March 2010 - Poor response/cancelled
    DE IVF#1 Aug 2010 - BFN
    DE IVF#2 Dec 2010 - Transferred 1, 2 frozen - BFP!
    TTC#2 FET Jan 2013 - Transferred 1 - BFP!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I think your feelings are totally normal, but I wish you didn't have them :( I hate that this is what multiple IVF's do to us... no hope in sight. I feel the same way right now, and it makes me sick to my stomach to think about.

    I hope this is IT for you... best of luck!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • We'll be excited for you Monty - just like you are for all of us. As you know I too woke up with dread this morning feeling that my lining would suck and they'd put me on the first plane back home. I guess all the failures we've had just make us expect the worst, right? So I'll be excited for you just like you're excited for me!
    B/G twins!
    image
  • It's ok, sweetie. It is ok to not be excited and to be scared. We are all here pulling for you and that is something you can rely on. Lots of ((hugs)), girly!
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  • Monty all of this is so valid and it's okay to feel this way. I hope that by the time you get to stims you are a little more energized and hopeful. Big ((((HUGS))))
  • I'll be sending you lots of positive vibes and keep you in my thoughts! 
    TTC since 8/2004
    Me - DX Hashimoto's Disease, Hypothyroid, Rheumatoid Arthritis
    DH - DX Azoospermia - Sertoli Cell Syndrome
    DS-IUI #1-4 BFN IVF #1 - BFP! It's a boy!!!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • ((HUGS)) Monty! Praying this is it for you!
    May 06: Natural PG= m/c, July 09: TI= m/c, November 09: TI=BFN, December 09: IUI= c/p
    IVF#1: start stims 1/26; ER 2/8; ET 2/13= BFN; FET#1: May 2010= m/c *NEW CLINIC Jan 2011* IVF#2: start stims 1/12; ER 1/22; ET 1/27= BFN; IVF#3: TBD
    ~SAIFW/PAIFW~
  • imageLCB34:

    It is ok to be scared and it is ok to have these feelings.  You have been to hell with all of your treatment and cycles so everything is totally justifiable!

    Let us be excited for you while you sort through these feelings.  I'm pretty sure you will get excited/ eager to progress as thing start moving quicker.

    I'll be thinking about you!  (((HUGS)))

    This...and good luck sweetie!!

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  • I can't fault you for feeling this way because I feel the same. Its a terrible way to be but I am trying my hardest to think positive. I keep telling myself I don't have a chance at having a baby unless I try...same for you. We are here for you and I pray that this is your time!
    TTC since 8/07 DX - Severe MFI/azoospermia & MTHFR/ TESEs found sperm - 7/08 & 6/09/ 12/08 - IVF#1 - BFN/ 6/09 - IVF #2 - cancelled due to OHSS risk (had retrieval)/ 7/09 - FET #1 - BFN/ 9/09 - FET #2 - BFN/ 11/09 - IVF #3 with new RE cancelled twice - 10/09 & 11/09/ 1/10 - IVF #3 take 3 - BFN/ 4/10 - IVF #4 - first ever BFP on 5/13/10!!! 108 @ 10dp3dt/ 2nd beta 311!/ sono on 5/28/10 said TWINS!!!! Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • monty, i think that what you are feeling is totally normal.  this is scary road that you are on.  i am feeling really good about this cycle.  i'm sending all of my good vibes your way.  i hope this is it for you...you deserve to move over to SAIF!
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