Nonclicky topic/poll: drinking around your children

balihaigirl

I was listening to a radio talk show on my drive home last night (I think it was on 94.7) and the host was asking people to give their opinions about parents drinking (in moderation, of course) in front of their children.  I had not really given this much thought since DS is still young but am interested to see everyone's thoughts on this.

1. Do you think it's OK to drink in moderation around your children (ie a glass of wine with dinner, etc)?
2. Do you think you will drink in moderation around your children, not drink at all, or maybe have a drink or so after your children are in bed?
   
3. How are you going to teach your children about drinking?
4. How did your parents teach you about drinking (and how will your parenting be similar or different)?
   

MrsBeckO

1. I am going to say yes because I already have a glass of wine with dinner from time to time and DH has his beer just about every night. He never gets drunk (anymore) and because I'm nursing I'm limited to one glass. But I don't see us totally giving up having a drink or two in the evenings as she gets older. I don't know.

2. I answered this with the first question.

3. I have not even begun to think about how I am going to teach her about drinking.. I am more worried about her crawling and eating solids and things like that. The furtherest my mind has gone with that topic are momentary freak-outs when I realize we will have to face her as a teenager some day. Eek.

4. All I really recall from my mom teaching me about drinking was how terrible it was to drink and drive and she would always rather have me call her in the middle of the night than to ever get in a car drunk or with someone who had been drinking. I took her up on that twice. In fact, our house was the house all my friends would spend the night at if they couldn't go home after drinking.. my mom was the cool mom and while I do want Camy to be comfortable bringing her friends over, I WILL NOT be condoning her making our house the safe-my-mom-won't-tell-on-you-and-she'll-make-you-bfast-in-the-morning house. Nope. Not gonna happen. I got away with too much crap as a teen and Camy will not have that level of leniency. Especially if DH has anything to do with it.  

ali-1411

1) Yes, I think its fine to drink around the kids.  Sometimes, its even more than moderation....

2) Jakob knows what beer and alcohol is.  He knows its for grown-ups only.  DH and I are regular, casual drinkers.  We always have beer in the fridge, and liquor bottles in the pantry.  We take the kids to parties - or have parties here - when there is quite a bit of drinking going on.  Nobody's playing beer pong or anything...but we do have a good time

3) We've told him that its for grown-ups only, and that he can drink when he's 21.  I might actually let him start having a drink at home when he's an older teenager, but no need to tell him that now

4) My parents did the same as we're doing.  We're following their example.

ACR

I was talking about this with my cousin's wife last week actually. She grew up in a family where her parents really didn't drink around them, and she was thinking about how her own kids will develop since she and her husband do drink in front of the kids.

1. I do think it's fine to drink around my child.

2. I do & will drink around my children.

3. I'm not sure how much I will actively teach them about drinking. I want it to be known that we don't approve of drinking before they're of legal age. I hope we can surround ourselves with other families that have a similar philosophy so that our kids can hopefully support one another. I don't know, I don't think I'll go nuts if DS drinks in high school, but I don't want him to think that I think it's okay...if that makes sense.

4. My parents drank around us, and I never remember it being a big deal. I guess it's always been a part of the culture in our social circle & our family.

I'll say, I never had a drink until I was in college...and that was like A drink. I really didn't consider myself much of a drinker until I was 20, and even then I was pretty moderate. Prior to getting pregnant & now breastfeeding, I drank more than I did in college. We have/had a pretty active social life, and drinks tend to be a part of that.

batsteph

Interesting subject! Do you think it's OK to drink in moderation around your children (ie a glass of wine with dinner, etc)?  Yes. Do you think you will drink in moderation around your children, not drink at all, or maybe have a drink or so after your children are in bed?  Already do.  I'll occasionally have a beer with dinner, and when we have company over we'll have wine with dinner and/or dessert. How are you going to teach your children about drinking?  We're just open about it and share our values.  Well, as much as you can do that with a 2 1/2 year old.    We explain that the alcoholic beverage (whatever it may be) is something that only adults can drink.  Daniel seems to understand that pretty well, and we haven't had a need, obviously, to discuss it further than that.  FWIW, this is the exact same approach we take when we have something like Coke or iced tea or coffee with dinner/dessert:  This is a grownup drink; little folks drink milk until they're a bit bigger. How did your parents teach you about drinking (and how will your parenting be similar or different)?  I think we're taking about the same approach, although my dad did let me have a sip of his Budweiser here and there when I was a little girl.  (This was in the 1970s; I have no idea if parents still do that.)  My parents never made a big deal about alcohol, so it was never a big deal to me.  We plan to take the same approach with our kids.

libbyann

Let me preface this by saying that neither DH or I are big drinkers at all.

1. Do you think it's OK to drink in moderation around your children (ie a glass of wine with dinner, etc)? Yes, I think it's okay to drink in moderation around your children. But I think it needs to go along with talks about responsibility, when it is okay to drink, and general education about alcohol (when age appropriate for the child). I don't think it's ever okay to be drunk or even a little tipsy around your kids, though.
   
   
2. Do you think you will drink in moderation around your children, not drink at all, or maybe have a drink or so after your children are in bed? We probably won't drink around our kids at all. We don't keep alcohol in the house (never have, really) and I believe that if you DO keep alcohol in the house, it needs to be secure so a child/teen can't get into it. If I'm really wanting a drink, we can easily leave Will with my parents for a date night.
   
   
3. How are you going to teach your children about drinking? We want to have an open dialogue with our kids about alcohol, about drinking, etc.
   
   
4. How did your parents teach you about drinking (and how will your parenting be similar or different)? My dad always (half) joked that if I ever wanted to try a beer, he'd get me one...but that I had to drink the entire thing around him. I never really was interested in trying it (my parents never drank around us growing up), so I didn't. But I know my brother took him up on the offer. And he hated it at the first taste, but my dad made him finish it. To this day, I don't think my brother has had another taste of beer I don't think we'll parent the same way as my dad in that respect, but my parents (and DH's parents) always were open with us about alcohol, answered our questions, and sat us down to discuss responsibility involving alcohol when we were old enough to understand and old enough to be tempted to try it. We'll probably parent in the same way for that aspect of it.
   

 

FireChiefsBride

 

1. Do you think it's OK to drink in moderation around your children (ie a glass of wine with dinner, etc)? Yes. I think it's more responsible to teach them everything is okay in moderation, than drink to get drunk. Abstinence is fine as well, but if I am inclined to have wine with dinner, there is no reason not to bc DSS is present, and I expect it will be similar with my "own" children.
2. Do you think you will drink in moderation around your children, not drink at all, or maybe have a drink or so after your children are in bed? We have beers at barbecues and such, but we always "talk" about DH just having one bc he will need to drive in two hours, than leaving it unsaid without DSS around.
   
3. How are you going to teach your children about drinking? I am the communicator when it comes to sensitive topics w/ DSS.  We talk about alcohol, drugs, etc. I have told him numerous times why it is important to be of age to drink and tried to impress upon him the dangers of drinking and driving, alcohol poisoning, etc.
4. How did your parents teach you about drinking (and how will your parenting be similar or different)? My dad was an alcoholic and my mom wasn't exactly the best example, either. We never talked about it. However I do remember my mom giving us wine coolers at a very young age, and my dad giving me beer bc I was thirsty and that's all he had. I drank way too much way too early.

Mainer-in-Texas

1. Do you think it's OK to drink in moderation around your children (ie a glass of wine with dinner, etc)? 100% Yes
   
2. Do you think you will drink in moderation around your children, not drink at all, or maybe have a drink or so after your children are in bed?  I am positive MH and I will drink in moderation around our children. Our friends and family members who have kids already do, and we have never thought anything of it. I do not, however, plan to get drunk around my children. My mom used to do that around me and I still remember HATING it - her slurred words, the smell, etc.
   
3. How are you going to teach your children about drinking? I'm sure we will teach them that drinking after a certain age is acceptable and can be enjoyable as long as you are responsible about it. The age is the question - not sure if it will be when they are officially in college or until they are 21 and it's actually legal.
   
4. How did your parents teach you about drinking (and how will your parenting be similar or different)? My parents told me no amount of drinking is okay until you are 21 - I couldn't even have a beer around them until I was 21...but they used to get drunk (and smoke pot) around me. (Side note - for some reason I never cared when they were stoned around me. I could tell something was up even though they told me they were "homemade cigarettes" - the squinty eyes, the funny voices, etc. But I didn't like my parents drunk).  And my mom now has a drinking problem So, there will be some differences there. The similarity would probably be that we won't permit drinking in high school. I didn't drink in HS, but that had more to do w/ the group of friends I had. I started drinking my sophomore year in college (I was almost 20). I could see MH and I allowing our kids to have a few drinks around us once they are in college. MH actually mentioned wanting to buy a really nice bottle of wine from this year that will age well and open it when our daughter graduates HS (and share it w/ her).
   

kellenickle

1. Do you think it's OK to drink in moderation around your children (ie a glass of wine with dinner, etc)? Yes

2. Do you think you will drink in moderation around your children, not drink at all, or maybe have a drink or so after your children are in bed? We do drink around her - not a ton, but if we feel like it.  And my family has a annual beer pong tournament at Christmas (classy, huh?) - she was around then too.

3. How are you going to teach your children about drinking? I think we will just give her the info, try and set a positive example, etc.  I am not okay with teens drinking/getting drunk, but I also know that it's out there (I did it some).   So I guess I hope to be able to teach her to be responsible, avoid peer pressure, do what she thinks is right when it comes to alcohol.

4. How did your parents teach you about drinking (and how will your parenting be similar or different)? I think my parents did the same that I mentioned above.  Even though I did partake in my teens, I don't think I ever got stupid about it.  I think it's important to put it out there though.  I think when it's made taboo, is when there's a problem.

balihaigirl

To answer my own questions. 

1. Yes, dh and I think it is ok to drink around our children in moderation but don't ever plan on being drunk around our children.  

2.  See #1

3. This is what DH and I are going to have to decide upon.  I grew up in a family where my parents have NEVER had a sip of alcohol and so it was pretty much a "don't do this or you'll go to hell" type of thing.  Which I don't think is ok.  DH and I plan on teaching our children that drinking in moderation is ok once they are of age.

4.  See #3.  My parents have never drank before.  They pretty much think that any person who drinks is an alcoholic.  In a lot of ways, the way they raised me caused me to rebel more when it came to drinking.  I started drinking at a young age because I wanted to find out what it was really about and was as bad as they said it was.  That's why I don't plan on using the same parenting tactics.  DH came from a family where his parents drank in moderation and he was such a good kid he never drank until he hit 21.  At that time he didn't even know what his limits were.  

We're still trying to figure all of this stuff out. 

bobcatsteph

1. Do you think it's OK to drink in moderation around your children (ie a glass of wine with dinner, etc)? Yes
   
   
2. Do you think you will drink in moderation around your children, not drink at all, or maybe have a drink or so after your children are in bed? Occasionally. Our drinking days are few and far between (waay different from our college days..haha)..especially because I don't want the extra calories and I don't like beer or wine
   
   
3. How are you going to teach your children about drinking? I have no idea
   
   
4. How did your parents teach you about drinking (and how will your parenting be similar or different)?It wasn't allowed until  I was old enough. However, when my little brother and sister were teenagers, my parents would let them drink on the river, at family events, etc. That's one thing that sucks about being the oldest.
   

userdeleted

1. Absolutely. In fact, I think it's a good idea.

2. Yes, we'll have a glass of wine or a beer around the kids. 

3. I plan to teach them that moderate drinking is a healthy adult activity. A glass of wine with dinner is delicious and good for your heart. That kind of thing.

4. My mom was/is an alcoholic. I hope my kids learn very different things than I did. I will never ever be drunk in front of my children. 

MrsJayOK

1. Yes.  I do not see a problem with it in moderation.

2. Yes 

3. My family has a LONG history of alcohol abuse.  My grandfather died of cirrhosis of the liver, as did his father, and probably the generations before (no one was sure, but they all died young). My own father is now battling liver disease and I know that I will definitely pass on the family history to DD.  I know that even in college, a little voice played in my head when I would drink a lot.

4.My always told us of the family history and always stressed that it was something that was difficult and in my grandfather's case near  impossible to give up.

AustinMimi

1. I think it is fine to have alcohol in moderation in front of kids, but I would never be tipsy or drunk in front of them. I have an alcoholic aunt who used to drink even more when she was "on vacation" visiting us. It caused some very upsetting visits until she sought treatment and even then, her behavior was problematic.

2. DH does not drink at all for health reasons, so I would be the only one. I would not have a problem having a drink or two in front of them. I think it gets tricky, though, when you have teenagers. I do not think I would keep a liquor cabinet or bottles of hard liquor in the house when I have teenagers. It would not be a change or a sacrifice for us since we don't even have liquor now (as it is, we have a bottle or two of wine at any given time) and it's just way too easy for kids to swipe that stuff. 

3. I will teach that it is a normal part of adult social interaction in moderation. I would be willing to let my teenagers try sips of my drink every now and then, but I would not give them their own full drink because I would not feel comfortable doing that until they are of the legal drinking age.  

4. My parents were not against drinking, but rarely drank when we were younger. Now, they are "wine with dinner" folks. They let us have sips every now and then if they were having something, like at Thanksgiving. They did, however, turn a blind eye if any of us drank in HS and that lack of communication eventually did cause a lot of problems for their relationship with my younger brother.

DH's mom was so overly permissive about partying that she "allowed" him to throw huge parties at her house and would even put out baskets of condoms in the guest bathrooms - all in the name of safety. I say "allowed" because she never wanted to talk about it openly, but just made it clear that her house was a safe house. DH says that he really did not respect his mom for that because, even at the time, he wanted structure and discipline and she let her kids walk all over her. Again, the lack of communication and permissiveness eventually caused a lot of problems for DH's little sister. 

I think my point here is that kids will react differently and with varying degrees of responsibility, so from my experience, it's best to be as open and communicative as possible.  

PMBridetobe

1. Yes and No.  When I am around my own children I will indulge occassionally.  However, I nor DH will drink around DSS except in very rare instances.  There is a court that is involved and they are way too pro mom for our taste. We see  it as a risk.  Now around our own kids, yes, socially.

2.  I have had a wine cooler that was poured in another glass previously.  My parents to occasionally drink around the kids and that is okay as well.  We do have beer in the house from a family party about 3 years ago but it just sits there.  There is a time when neither child is here and that is the time when DH and I will indulge in an adult beverage.

3.  We discuss with DSS that he can call us at any time for any reason and get a ride home without any flack.  We would rather him be safe.

4. They had a beer or margarita at dinner.  No one ever really got drunk, it was more a social thing.  Now they will have a glass of wine with dinner or before I was pregnant we shared a bottle at a local winery along with dinner.  I will try to follow in those same footsteps with the kids where a court is not involved.