Cheating

Janie2725

Edited to remove information. 

I would hate for someone on here to know who I am and therefore know all the drama that has erupted before the people who are involved have had time to handle it.

Thank you to everyone who read it and responded.

 

FishNchips1

I think that she is still young. Did they start dating before she turned 21? This happens alot,  I see it alot. She doesn't wanna be tied down because she is still IMO in her 'partying' phase. Maybe in time they will belong together. Just wait it out. and  as for getting in the middle of your brothers relationship, I suggest staying out of it. Good luck to your brother.

monkiem

FishNchips1:

I think that she is still young. Did they start dating before she turned 21? This happens alot,  I see it alot. She doesn't wanna be tied down because she is still IMO in her 'partying' phase. Maybe in time they will belong together. Just wait it out. and  as for getting in the middle of your brothers relationship, I suggest staying out of it. Good luck to your brother.

This.

OctoberBabyH

monkiem:

FishNchips1:

I think that she is still young. Did they start dating before she turned 21? This happens alot,  I see it alot. She doesn't wanna be tied down because she is still IMO in her 'partying' phase. Maybe in time they will belong together. Just wait it out. and  as for getting in the middle of your brothers relationship, I suggest staying out of it. Good luck to your brother.

This.

This! Also, you text messaged her without thinking. I don't think it's too terrible (since what you said wasn't mean) and since what she did was WAY worse. Sorry this happened to you and your bro and that you are both hurt bc of it.

kimmyt09

We found out my sister's bf has been cheating on her, and I sent him a message as well- my sister is now furious with me. I know its hard because you feel so badly for your brother, but let him handle it. Things will work out the way they are supposed to. I'm sorry she did that to him and upset all of you in the process, its always such a heartbreaking situation. 

LuvBeingMrsH

FishNchips1:

I think that she is still young. Did they start dating before she turned 21? This happens alot,  I see it alot. She doesn't wanna be tied down because she is still IMO in her 'partying' phase. Maybe in time they will belong together. Just wait it out. and  as for getting in the middle of your brothers relationship, I suggest staying out of it. Good luck to your brother.

This.... 

What happen to your brother is so sad... I am so sorry, I am sure it is hard on you too since you were so close with her. My thoughts are help your brother and support him but don't involved more than you should. I am sure he will appreciate you being there for him, but you don't want to cause him more pain or problems by getting in the middle. It's their problem.

Lots of good vibes!!!! xoxo 

DaniLovesPink

Let me start by saying that, while this has hurt and clearly affected you, it wasn't your place to send her a text or to get involved.  If, once your brother decides what he wants to do, you want closure on the relationship you had with her, or choose to continue that relationship, you can at that point, but until then, you should be uninvolved.

As far as your brother goes, this girl is young and is going to make mistakes.  She may not be ready to settle down, as much as she loves your brother, and that's normal.  While how she's handling herself and what she did isn't okay, she needs to come to terms with why she did it.  She needs to be honest with your brother about why she did it.  Once they can have that adult conversation, they can decide as a couple if it's in their best interest to move forward, or to discontinue the relationship.  You simply can't make these decisions for him and he needs to be talking to her, not you.

Regardless what happens, know that her actions and the subsequent results of those actions do not indicate her lack of love and friendship towards you and/or your baby.  But, ultimately, your brother may not be comfortable with her continued involvement in your life, and you should be prepared to respect that, as well.

MrsJeffers2006

I am so sorry this happened to you, and your brother. In my opinion, she made a terrible mistake. Whether your brother should forgive her or not is ultimately up to him. I think when it comes to supporting him, you should help him realize the pros and cons of staying with her vs. breaking up for good. I think the main thing to think about is whether it was a one time thing, or if she was having an affair over time. She is young, and being young sometimes makes love hard. I wish for the best in this situation, whatever that may be.

ZooBaby2010

Sounds like they are both young.  I would stay out of it if I was you.  It is THEIR relationship - not yours.  I know he's hurting and looking for your advice.  You have to let him figure it out.  That said, he's caught her in a very compromising position.  Clearly, she's got some things to work out.  She needs to do that.  He can't make her and neither can you. 

Plus she may be feeling pressured by the whole getting married at 21 thing.  That's a lot of pressure to put on someone. 

trinakb

I understand how something like this can affect the whole family and not just the person who was directly cheated on. My sister had a boyfriend about 2 years ago that my DH and I absolutely loved and we were so hurt when they broke up. After some time, DH contacted him and decided that he still wants to be friends and they communicate. But given your situation and how cheating is just awful I understand that you feel hurt for your brother and hurt for your own loss too. You sent the text, I would just let that be and not contact her again. Be there for him when he asks you to.

ougrad1

Run...as fast as he can.  Better to find out now.

AND....she's to young to be thinking about getting married.  She's doing exactly what she should be doing-having fun.  

Janie2725

If you asked me a question, I responded to you in the OP so that everyone will see it before they reply.

Thanks so much for the input ladies.  I already feel better since I got to talk about it (DH is at work so I can't really have a convo with him right now).  I'm not supposed to tell anyone about what has happened (except DH)... so I can't talk to anyone in real life to work through my emotions on the situation.

My brother is having a few beers with one of his buddies right now so hopefully thats making him feel better.  His friend went through something similar last year, so maybe he will have some good input for my brother. 

landes_katie@yahoo.com

shes still young and probably not ready to settle down. I wouldnt have been ready for marriage at 21..

SparkleK

I'm sorry for your brother.  The girl is only 21 years old and sounds like she shouldn't be tied down in a serious relationship.

mr&mrswelch

She is 21. Your brother is still young too. I think they should break it off and if they are meant to be together in the future, then they will be together in the future. 

drewiekc

Nobody needs to be tied down to a serious relationship at that age (21 OR 23), they should both be enjoying themselves.  Yes, it sucks that he got hurt, but it happens.  And REGARDLESS of what age a couple is, neither party should have to "ask permission" or be "letting" their partner go out with his/her friends.  It is normal and healthy to do things with your friends without your spouse/SO.

MKinney86

I was engaged to someone else before I met my DH. The other guy cheated on me while I was going through cervical cancer treatment. I thought I could get over it but until you have been cheated on you truely don't understand the pain it brings, you may think you do because it's such a horrible thing to happen but until you are in that situation you don't know how it really feels. We even went to counseling but it didn't help, I felt so much animosity and hurt from him that I just couldn't do it. So I cut my losses and am now married to the most amazing guy. I don't think 21 is too young, it comes down to the person's maturity level. If she has been dating your brother since she was 18/19 she probably didn't have much of a chance to get out, be young, meet people, make bad decisions, and needed to get that out of her system. So while yes she should have had the balls to break up with your brother, what she did is kind of understandable...like I said NOT RIGHT, but understandable. And if she truely is the one for your brother, maybe in a couple years when she has sown a few more wild oats they can reconnect.

shelbell1028

ougrad1:

Run...as fast as he can.  Better to find out now.

AND....she's to young to be thinking about getting married.  She's doing exactly what she should be doing-having fun.  

This.  Personally, this is something I would never be able to get past in a relationship.