Too much help?

MrsAmyB

I'm starting to get a little annoyed at those who say to me "take all the help you can get when the babies come."  I'm sure I can decide how much help to accept and not accept.  We plan on using lotsahelpinghands.com for scheduling help (baby holding, house cleaning, meal prep, etc).  But, I constantly get requests for our calendar now from random people.  Today, my coworker called and said "so and so wants the web address so she can sign up, what is it?"  I told her its not set up yet and won't be until well after they are born.

1: I dont want random people in my house.  2: We have lots of friends and family who are dying to help out.  And most importantly 3: I don't want to expose my babies to so many different people.  I know people can care more about seeing babies and shrugging off a cough as nothing. 

As careful as we were with DD, she still developed RSV.  We know how quick it can come on.

Anyone had to turn someone down politely?  What did you say? 

lgurian

say something like, "thank you so much for your offer, our families have totally filled our calendar for now, but i will let you know if we end up needing more help." you dont want to burn any bridges because god knows you might actually decide you need the help. or have them do stuff that doesnt involve actually being in the house, like dropping off pre-made meals for you and the fam, grocery shopping for you, getting diapers, stuff like that. 

janjag

my SILs helped out alot early on.  they were great.  but they kept on asking to bring all their kids over.  we just kept on blaming in on the ped... which was true.  ped really did not want us to expose babies to many people, esp kids.  i'm glad we didn't cave, as those kids have all been sick off an on all winter.  the inlaws also knew not to come over if any of the kids were sick.  knock on wood, my girls have only had 2 tiny colds and a tummy virus. 

yeah, i think it's safe to blame it on the ped  

you can also encourage more help for the non-baby-holding jobs like laundry, cleaning, cooking.  even with just twins, i felt like people wanted to get at my babies, while i would be rushing around tidying, doing laundry, etc. 

ncsubride

lgurian:

say something like, "thank you so much for your offer, our families have totally filled our calendar for now, but i will let you know if we end up needing more help." you dont want to burn any bridges because god knows you might actually decide you need the help. or have them do stuff that doesnt involve actually being in the house, like dropping off pre-made meals for you and the fam, grocery shopping for you, getting diapers, stuff like that. 

Very well put and I agree.

carolina1178

we also have been offered tons of help to which I am grateful but we had a lot in house after ds was born and with a newborn, me recovering from c/s and all that....it was just too much for me to handle at that time.

We are going to put a schedule together and let family get first dibs to fill in where they can help and then friends...give everyone copies so they can all be on same page and have one anothers phone #'s should someones schedule change. 

I also feel that everyone will be ready to help that first month but we are going to need help after that as well...you know when the babies aren't sleeping all the time lol

we want our family time too.....I plan on making a lot of meals in advance to freeze. housework can wait...it will stll be there when family comes over to help, ya know?

good luck and hang in there!

BitterOldHag

We needed all of it. One of our boys was in the NICU for 3.5 weeks and I couldn't drive so we have family stay with Sam for a few hours each day to go back to the hospital.

They were incredibly generous with their time and we will always be grateful.

finallyreilly

Don't know the blog address, but 'lnle' looked like she was getting the same sort of offers.  She posted a great response on her blog that you might be able to use.