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rayskit10
member
How often is too often? re: babysitter
rayskit10
member
We have been so lucky to have found an amazing babysitter. We love her and she loves the kids. BEcause of this mutual admiration society, we have been taking full advantage and have had her come almost every weekend either for Fri/Sat night for planned events/parties or sometimes just on a Sunday afternoon so we can catch an early movie and dinner, usually home by 8pm.
Recently someone made a comment about that being a lot of time away from the kids and how they "like to be together on the weekends."
I don't often feel guilty about the decisions I've made for my family but this has really gotten to me. We do A LOT together on the weekend during the day. When DH and I go out at night, we usually put Mathis down, sitter plays with T for an hour or so and then they are both asleep. On Sundays, we go for a long bike ride or go to the park almost every weekend.
Is it wrong that my husband and I enjoy having some along time together each weekend if we can?
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Re: How often is too often? re: babysitter
We have a similar situation with a great sitter. She comes almost every weekend for at least one evening. DH and I really need that time together as a couple because he works such long hours and travels quite a bit.
I think it's a good investment in your marriage to carve out time together. There's nothing wrong with enjoying regular adult time with your husband.
Our sitter usually comes at 6 pm and stays 'til 11 pm. She puts Elizabeth down at 7 and Sarah goes to bed around 8:30. It's not as if we're missing out on this tremendous chunk of time with them and I bet it's the same with you guys.
I look forward to date night since some weeks it's my only time away from the girls and the only opportunity for uninterrupted conversation with my honey.
I don't think you should feel guilty about it. That's just my opinion though.
So Tasty, So Yummy
While I don't think it is "wrong," I tend to agree with the person who said that is alot of time away from the kids. But it certainly is a personal preference. However, I have a different p.o.v. on it because my husband and I both work fulltime, so our weekend time with him is precious. That is our only family time. We usually only get a babysitter about once every other month for this reason (unless we have a wedding to attend or something). I can see why someone who is with the kids 24/7 during the week would need adult time on the weekends.
We do go out with friends alot though....like I'll go out with the girls about once every 3-4 weeks and I get pedicures and go to lunch etc on weekends, and DH has softball with the guys every Thursday....so we DO get out, just not usually at the same time. That way, Joe isn't being left with someone who is not his parent (which is a big deal to us, since he isn't with his parents all day during the week)
I don't think you should feel guilty at all. For us, though, our week day evenings are dinner then bed and Josh just doesn't get to spend much time with Marion simply playing together. He gets home at 5:30/6:00 and she's in bed by 7:00, so they get about ten minutes together in the morning and between an hour or two at night.
We like the weekends for doing family things and such (much like how yall do) and then we're just exhausted by the time she's in bed that we'd rather just order pizza or take out and watch a movie on the couch than gather up the energy to go out to dinner.
Part of it is of course is that she's back up by 6:30 every morning, so if we stay up late at night, we pay for it the next morning. Oh how I hope this next baby is a late sleeper-in-er!
j+k+m+e | running with needles
We have two older children in our home that can actually take care of themselves, and we leave them at home! I hope to find a great sitter for this LO so that we can have our nights out. My H works a crazy schedule during the week, and we need that time together. It isn't like you are leaving them with a sitter all day Sat and Sun, every weekend! Kuddos to you and your H for investing in each other...your boys will recognize that, which builds strong values.
Was it me? Because if it was, I wasn't trying to make you feel bad at all. I normally get a sitter 1-2 times a week. I'd be crazy if I didn't.
When DH is gone, I usually have a sitter once or twice a week. I don't like to get one on both Friday and Saturday night because I feel like weekends are the only time I get to spend good, quality time with my kids when DH is gone. Our weekdays are pretty hectic - come home, I cook, we eat, they bathe, they go to bed.
When he is home, we try to get a sitter once a week (if possible) because our evenings during the week are more relaxed and we can spend some quality time together without me being in a crazy rush. Plus, with him being gone so much, we NEED date nights. We only had 3 lunch dates when he was in last because our weekends where chock full of other activities - most of which centered around our kids and their social life. I really wish we could have squeezed a sitter night in to the schedule.
Pics by Fleurish Imagery
For my lifestyle it would be a bit much, but like MGR, we both work full time jobs so weekends are our quality time. We usually get a sitter 1 or 2 nights a month, and they usually come around 6 (he goes to sleep around 7) so very little time away. We do try to go to church every weekend, so he spends an hour there too.
This weekend we went Car shopping and to an Astros game and were gone from 11 to 5 and I felt bad. Again, I think that's because I work and am away so much as is.
You have to do whatever works for you and your family, I think if I stayed home, I would DEFINITELY need/want to get out kid free more :-).
Don't feel guilty, you're a great mom, and staying at home is a ton of work, you need your adult time. My guess is whoever made the comment to you either works out of the home, or they are jealous that they can't do the same :-).
harmony- no, it wasn't you. you're so paranoid! it was a mom who doesn't even live in houston.
i did just re-read my post and it looks like it says Fri/Sat as in BOTH night, which isn't the case. it's one time on any given weekend- either friday night, saturday night or sunday afternoon.
KMex- yes! before mathis was born, we used to get a sitter maybe 2x a month. with both kids when we are both home we are usually apart, tag teaming them. even when we go out to lunch, one of us is feeding mathis and one is making sure truitt eats and stays at the table and whenever we try to talk, truitt interrupts and wants to talk about whatever he saw on dinosaur train that morning. i realize having typed that that not only is a 2nd a factor, but a motor mouth 3.5 year old is as well. truitt looooves to talk (wonder where he gets that from. lol) and is non stop. even in the car we can't have an adult conversation.
i mean, my DH works all week and works a lot of hours. he doesn't feel bad, so i guess i shouldn't. he spends serious quality time with those boys from when they wake up at 6:30-7 until we leave, which is 12 hours later.
thanks,e veryone!
If I was a SAHM I wouldn't bat an eyelash at that. As a working mom, the weekends are the only times we get as a family so I don't usually feel comfortable hiring a sitter for more than once a month.
If it works for your family, who cares what others think.
Because we both work, we feel like we are missing out during the week, so, yes, we do enjoy our "DS time" on the weekends. However, on weekend nights, I often think how nice it would just to get out for dinner and a movie, since DS is already asleep, but we can't just leave him home alone. We don't have family around that could just babysit on a whim, so it has to be an "ordeal" if we get someone to come by, since most people live so far away. Then we feel guilty for being out late, since they have to drive "all the way" back to wherever. That is a big reason we don't plan much going out on the weekends.
I think it would be different if we had more time during the week - I think I would need some "downtime".
I think it's healthy to see your parents enjoy each other's company. It's not like you don't do anything with the kids.
Hey, you're home a lot with the boys. And, it is what works for your family that matters.
We don't do this often enough, quite frankly. Our family time is carved into the evening and weekends exclusively -- that is something we must put in that slot. That means we have little opportunity to get the date night together. I'm happy you two are able to do it; it gives me hope.
Maybe this person could feel equally guilty about not nurturing her relationship with her partner?
well said k, especially the bold parts! i totally agree.
i believe we were supposed to arrange a double date sometime in the next millennium!
The family I used to work for went out every Friday night since their baby was about 3ish months old to present day. She is 5 now. They both work full time and still go out every week. They seem pretty happy, and their kid does not seem neglected by any means.
I totally agree with everyone else.
And you know what they say: the happier the marriage, the happier the children.
wait re reading it you go out once a week? and someone said that was too much? that's crazy. even twice a week is nothing to blink at.
my parents went out weekly from the time the first was born until now (so that's 44 years) I never felt neglected. and they also closed their bedroom door from 8-9pm nightly saying "unless there's blood on the floor don't knock on the door" even their friends knew not to call during that time (granted my siblings were older but this had been going on for a while). like nanner said, happy marriage means happy kids.
and we go out weekly too. after dh's accidnet and being a stricter budget my mom even sent us $100 a month for date money. it didn't mean you had to go anywhere fancy, just some grown up one on one time is enough.
Well, she'd think badly of us, too--LOL!
We use babysitters all.the.time. Not every weekend, but that's only because I'm too tired to leave the house every weekend. I hate when I don't get to see her after work, but we use babysitters during the week to go to Astros games, etc. I think that's worse because I'll literally only see her for about 30 minutes that day. Also, like you said, for the most part they are asleep while your gone anyway.
DD was not yet 6 months when we spent our first night away from her and she's had several sleepovers with family since then so we could have date nights.
In June, we'll leave her for 5 days/4 nights for the Miami trip.
In July, we'll leave her for 12 days while we're in Italy and she'll only be 10 months old.
I definitly see it as a great investment in our marriage--yes I miss her like crazy, but we'll both live (=
We're fortunate enough to have lots of family close by that is always willing to keep Tori (or all of the girls when the older ones are not at their dads). If DH is working, I use it for "me" time. If he's not, we get a date night.
I don't feel guilty about it at all. My girls all know they are loved and we all get to keep our sanity!
No. I think it's perfectly ok to want 1 evening a week to yourselves. I'd love it! By the time C goes to bed during the week it's so late that I pump and we crash. I find myself wishing he would go to bed at 8 or so just so I could have an hour or two with DH. I feel a little guilty, but not that much. We need that time.
Monetarily, we can't afford a sitter weekly and I don't want to abuse my (free) sister on a weekly basis. As it is, we aim for 1 free evening a month. I really feel like we need more, but we're working up to it.