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Parenting
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
DH is a packrat and it's driving me nuts
Ugh. He won't get rid of anything that has any chance of him ever using again. If there's a .0001% chance he MAY use it again, he won't part with it.
He has like 15 pairs of shoes that we drag around the country with us every time we move. Some of them he hasn't worn since I met him seven years ago. And he won't part with any. None. No matter how old or beat up. Some look almost exactly the same. Oh, I take it back. He conceded to give up one pair today.
The more we move, the more I want to just simplify and get rid of useless crap, but DH never gets to that point. It's so frustrating.
Ahhh, I just had to get that out.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
This discussion has been closed.
Re: DH is a packrat and it's driving me nuts
Wow-our H's must be related!!! My H is the SAME way! I've actually been going into his things and tossing stuff, here and there. That way, he never notices. I got rid of a bunch of old ragged t-shirts a few weeks back. He'll never know the difference. As for the old shoes.....I can't touch those. He's got a weird shoe collection going on.
I feel your pain.
I get tempted to get rid of stuff without him knowing, but I haven't yet. I know him and I know he'll remember it someday and instantly suspect me, and I'm a terrible liar.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
How likely is he to miss something if it goes "missing"?
I went through a period in my life where I was moving once every year, sometimes more. There's nothing like hauling your crap all over to make you want to chuck it all!
He'll notice at some point. He's annoyingly observant that way. And the moving every year? Yeah, we're there and I'm wishing I could just simplify. I literally contemplated getting rid of our couch a few weeks back, but we can't afford a new one so I think it's cheaper to move it.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
I think you just found my DH's long lost twin. Seriously, same issue. He has several ROOMS of junk he hasn't looked at in years, but refuses to throw away. He has 10 year old magazines that he didn't read then and is obviously not reading now. He has useless papers from when he moved to this country 15 years ago.
I threw away one plastic bag of useless 5-year old trinkets yesterday, and he actually went through the trash to check what I had thrown out, and even went so far as to retrieve (from the trash) a 5-year-old tea bag we got as a sample, and then scolded me for throwing away his tea.
I have nightmares about his clutter. I think I might just throw it away little by little, hide the trash, and play dumb....
Mine is the same way. He won't get rid of anything. In fact, the only way I am able to get rid of any house stuff is to sell it on craiglist as in his mind that is ok. (either that or I sneak it in the trash!!)
He's away this week and I fully intend on cleaning out some of his old clothes!! shhh don't tell!
You win! LOL. That's hilarious.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
Is it a DH thing? My storage has my wedding dress. One box of my "memories" stuff from childhood that my mom gave me and the rest is DH's crap!!!
Before we bought our house, we lived in an apartment and had stuff in storage. I SOOOO jumped for joy when the storage was broken into and his circa 1980 TV stereo system with the HUGEST speakers known were stolen. We couldn't use it because it wouldn't hook to our TV, but we couldn't get rid of it, because "IT was super expensive when I bought it." "it Still works!" "We might get a TV that we CAN hook this up to!" Ok, even if we get a TV that works with it, I am not setting 2 1/2 foot tall by 1 foot wide speakers in my living room!
DH also has cassette tapes....we do not have a cassette player.
I could go on and on with all the things he has.
AND---this annoys me JUST as much---he has an entire bag of new clothes his MOTHER bought him....but he hasn't gone through it and put it in his closet yet....."cause I don't need it!" Ok, well when you DO need it, its going to be out of style! Get it out and rotate your clothes, buddy! (and YES, his mommy still buys him clothes.....what.ev.er.)
*hanging head in shame*
I am a lot like your DH and it drives my DH crazy!!!!! He tries to get me to get rid of things constantly (and deep down I really wish I could be more neat and organized. Honest.) The downside - the more he pushes me to get rid of things, the more I cling to them, however ridiculous/irrational. When things go *missing* not only does it make me irate that he threw something away that wasn't his/was mine, it makes me (again, irrationally) fear that he's really going to throw something important away, so I cling to it even more.
Get where I"m going with this - the more you push your DH to purge, the more likely he is to resist... instead, it might be more helpful to try a different approach - one where you're not taking away, rather helping him to make choices about what things are most important to keep (focus on the KEEPING part). For example, what I really want to hear from my DH is something along the lines of:
"Hon, I know you worry about making sure we have everything we need and I love that about you. I love, too, that you try to be careful with money by keeping things that we might need someday. It does seem silly to have to buy them again. The downside is we have to pay to move them over and over, and reality is, we could just buy a new XXX with the money we save from moving. Which XXXX are the ones you love the most? Which ones are your least favorite? Let's try this... let's keep out the ones you love the most, and box up the rest. Then we'll still have them, but it will be easier to see what we have if we reduce some of this." (and then box the crap up, keep it for 6 months and then ideally 6-months from now you can do a quick "hey, can we donate this box" convo
Another thought - I hate cleaning and will avoid it like the plague - what if you offer to sort through his stuff, but PROMISE not to throw anything away (and you have to promise!)... then after it's sorted (and maybe even put back neatly so it looks pretty), show him the "finished product" and he might find it easier to pitch the stuff you don't want b/c he doesn't actually have to go through the painful process of sorting it (b/c once a packrat starts to touch the stuff, it's all downhill!)
Hard to do, but if you can empathize with him, acknowledge his need to keep things "just in case" and work WITH that (instead of against it) you might just get him to part with his crap
Ah.... this ALMOST makes me want to go clean. Almost.
Ooh, final thought - I did once bring in a professional organizer - best money I EVER spent. And b/c it was a professional/non-partner helping me clean the closets, I was much less irrational with her
Ha, thanks. Though I'm not sure this is something I want to win!
Seriously, all our DH's need a group intervention or something. Sheesh.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
LOL! Ok, if that's the case then just box up all the crap you don't want and stick it in a closet/garage that's out of the way. If he doesn't notice the stuff is missing after 4-6 months, pitch it
If he does notice, then you can dig it back out for him - lol.
Hooray, tell me that you are not one step away from being on Hoarders. If you have your DH really say and do this stuff, could handle it? A 6 month box of stuff casually donated?