Step-Grandparents?

jchiatt

My husband's parents are divorced and my MIL has remarried.  They did not divorce until my husband was living on his own and we refer to my MIL's husband by his first name.   I am having a hard time dealing with what the step-grandfather should be called.  I feel that since my husband doesn't refer to him as dad that he shouldn't be called grandpa.  I also feel that by calling him grandpa this could hurt my FIL, since he is called grandpa, and could be very confusing for my son. My son is almost 13 months and has started to say Da Da when his dad is around and he is starting to associate words with objects.  

I also am having a hard time with the fact that the step-grandfather thinks he should be called grandpa.  He has not been a very nice person to me or my husband through the years.  He has questioned my ability to be a mother and has insulted my husband on numerous occasions. This is so hard for me since we have only known this person for almost 5 years.  I don't feel that my son should have to call him grandpa. 

I hope this makes sense.  Anyone else have this dilemma?  Anyone have any suggestions as to names we could call this person??  Thanks.

Mominator

I am lucky that I have a great relationship with my Mom's husband and so my kids call him PopPop and my biological Dad is Pappy. What about something more formal for your step-FIL like "Grandfather FirstName" or something along those lines?

AshlynsMom

We called my grandma's new husband Grandpa Martin (his first name). 

You could just wait until your son starts calling him something and go with whatever it is.  That's how my dad came to be Papa. 

Or Mr. Firstname?

xbrooklyngrl

I'd call him by his name.

My step dad has been in my life since we were little but I've never called him dad, I've always called him by his first name. We don't have the issue of other grandparents though. My DD has always called him "Grandpa Sasha" which is his first name.

tmp-726880625006534

My DD has a group of grandparents.  My DHs parents are divorced and my MIL is re-married and my FIL has a girlfriend (whom he has had for over 20 years now).  It is a little different since these people have been in our lives for longer.  And then there are my parents.  So DD has a different name for all of them.  My dad is her Papa, FIL is Jaja (Polish for grandpa), and the step grandpa is Grandpa Bill.  She has 3 different names for the grandma's too.  Now FIL gf is not really "grandma" since she isn't even married to FIL, but she is still "busia" (Polish for grandma).  I envision as DD gets older she will start to call her by her first name.  So far this has not been confusing for DD at all (she is almost 4).  She probably thinks everyone has 3 sets of grandparents. 

In light of how you feel about the step-grandpa, just come up with some nickname that is his own, but isn't grandpa.  Sorry I don't know what name, though (Papa? Pop?).

hopefulmom

Grandma and/or grandpa"first name" for the steps.  That is how we do it in our family.

Emiliana7

I grew up with a step grandfather (never knew the real one) and I met him when I was 6 or 7 and my brother and I just always called him Mr. Bill (my dad just called him Bill, he married my grandma when my dad was 31 so he wasn't about to call him dad). We called my grandmother Meme. So it was Meme and Mr. Bill.

shouldbworkin

Yeah, I wouldn't be so willing to let a douch bag be called grandpa by my kid either.  Both of my parents are remarried and my SM and SD are called by GP names (they all have different ones), but they are active grandparents to my children.  Sometimes I think they like them more than my own parents do.  ;-)

TwoChickens

My dad's parents divorced when my dad was 15 so I have step-grandparents.

I had older cousins and so my sisters and I called my dad's mom and stepdad what my older cousins called them.

I called my dad's dad and stepmom "Grandpa Firstname" and "First name".

I have a much younger cousin who calls my dad's mom and stepdad "MiMi" and "PawPaw" which is NOT what we call them but my aunt refused to let him call them what the rest of us call them.

DaiLyght

I have a step mother, who like your story, didn't come around until I was 18. I call her by her first name and my kids call her Grandma Firstname. The same thing goes for my sister's children. It was also hard for me to even do Gma FN, too b/c she and I did NOT get a long for a very long time. In fact, it's only been recently since my kids have come that she's been nicer to me. Significantly nicer to me. As a result, I've started to refer to her in front of the kids as "Grandma" sometimes instead of "Grandma Firstname". I think it's been softening her up a little more, actually.

jlw2505

I have an amazing relationship with my step-dad and while we (my sibs) all call him Jack, he is grandpa to all the kids.  On the other hand, I have zero relationship with my father and no way in h*ll would I have my kids call him grandpa and for sure not call his wife grandma.  I think its a personal decision and that their is not a right or wrong.  Maybe come up with a totally different nickname for him?

sarahslost

Not sure if you're still checking this thread, and I also did not read the other replies, but just wanted to give you my experience.

It is my FIL that is remarried, not my MIL.  From the time I started dating my husband (and obviously before), the relationship between MIL, FIL, and SMIL has been - not pretty.  They could barely tolerate being in the same room together for any reason.  (Grandkids have improved this to a degree.)

I had had issues with SMIL while I was pregnant with DD#1.  I was incredibly unhappy with her.  We weren't sure what to do about what our child(ren) would call her, not just for that reason though.  MIL would have a coronary if she heard any of her now 4 grandkids call the "other woman" grandma.  SIL had a son 9 months after our first daughter was born, and we discussed it some with her.  She wasn't planning on "grandma" for her dad's wife either. 

She is a good woman though, things have changed considerably since the kids were born.  She loves them so very much and treats them wonderfully.  They came up with the kids calling her "Oma".  I think it's German, for grandmother.  Not sure about the spelling.  So we all settled on that.  Not that it's probably not obvious to MIL, but whatever.

At this point, I'm not sure I'd care if the girls just decided to call her grandma though.

Here's hoping things change for you guys too, but in the meantime, it's really YOUR choice (and your husband's) what he is referred to as.  In the future??? your child will choose on his own.

BJKL

Similar situation to you except my FIL passed away.  My DH and i have talked about the fact that our DS will never know life without my MIL's fiance and that in someways he is my DS's grandpa. However, my MIL has been very selfish in the past few years and as a result we do not feel comfortable having DS call the fiance anything other than his first name.  We also decided that just because FIL passed away it does not mean he is not my DS's grandfather.

jchiatt

This has been very helpful.  Thanks.