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D.C. Area Babies
Adding insult to injury
So DD #2 is still in the hospital, though they think they're close to figuring out the problem - it may be "c dif" a (very treatable) bacterial infection. We'll find out later today if they think we can go home today - which would be great, because I'm about to have a nervous breakdown....
...I just talked to my OB about my six week ultrasound. The baby is fine, but the cyst I have is so ginormous they need to surgically remove it when I'm in my second trimester (mid-May), and remove my right ovary where the cyst is. I'll need to take six weeks off of work to recover, and for the first two weeks I'll need someone to stay with me to help with my kids.
I'm totally in shock and I just burst into tears when I was on the phone with the OB. I'm glad the baby is OK - so that's the important thing, of course.
But my first thoughts are:
- I've never had surgery, ever. So I'm scared. This will be a two night stay in the hospital. She said it cannot be done laproscopically (sp?) so it's a major incision.
- I'll eat every last minute of my sick and annual leave with this six weeks off leaving me with zero leave to take when I actually have the baby in November (except what I earn between June and November, which will be like only a week or two). So practically my entire maternity leave - I'd want to take 12 weeks like I did last time - will be leave without pay.
- My DH says don't worry about work, but June is the busiest.time.of.the.year at work and I'm going to be really leaving my coworkers in a lurch.
- I haven't even told my boss I'm pg yet, and now I'll not only be telling her I'll be out for six weeks in end of May/all of June, but that I'll be taking 12 weeks off (i hope - can we even afford that!?) with the baby in November/December/January.
- My stupid f-ing HR department decided, right before I had DD #2, that there would be no more donated leave for maternity leave. So here's the kicker - when I'm having SURGERY I'll eat up all my own leave, and then when I'd need donated leave would be when I have the baby - which is exactly when I won't be eligible for donated leave.
- my right ovary will be gone. I'll have the other one, but damn.
And I have about a trillion other thoughts.
WTF?
OK, sorry I'm such a whiner on this board, but I haven't even told 99% of my IRL friends/family about my pregnancy, so typing this out here has been really helpful. So thank you.
Wife, Musician, Fed, WW-er, and Mom of three little kids - not necessarily in that order.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Adding insult to injury
OMG I am so sorry. Let us know the dates so we can pitch in, because girl, you should get something back for all your good advice.
I can add perspective about the busiest time of year though. My due date last year was the kick-off of our busiest season, and I am normally co-chair of our Big Deal Production. Well, I missed the whole thing because I was out on maternity leave, and people grumbled, but ultimately the show does go on. I kept saying, "There was a first time for me to do this too - it can be someone else's turn." It's just work.
Ugh. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this! You are so NOT a whiner - I would be totally freaking out if I was dealing with as much right now as you are.
I was going to suggest STD for the surgery, but I remembered you're a fed. Darn.Would you be able to work remotely? Obama is really pushing workplace flexibility and I'm guessing you won't be so out of it that you wouldn't be able to sit in bed with a laptop and phone. Even if it's part-time, that would save you some leave.
I'm sure the surgery will be fine, as will the baby. And this was going to be your last anyway, right? So - one less ovary means fewer periods! Right? Trying to look on the bright side . . .
And ditto DCto Low - we are here if you need anything. Even babysitters or some meals while you're recuperating. Whatever you need!
TTC #2: BFP 12/17/11, m/c 1/7/12 and D&C 1/12/12
baby blog/cooking blog
I'm so sorry you are going thru this, and please - vent all you want, we are here for you, just the way you are always here for us, each of us!!
Wow, I can't believe they have to operate and you'll lose an ovary, that truly sucks but I'm sure your Dr is doing what's best for you. Maybe get a 2nd opinion just in case.
I hope your DD does get to come home today, that'd be wonderful!
Don't worry about work, I agree w/ your DH. Remember - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted, they can go on w/out you. It's just a job and the health of you and your baby is so much more impt!
Let me know if you need anything, I don't live very close but I'd like to do something to help out!
Wow, when it rains it pours! I am so sorry to hear you are going through all of this. I hope DD gets to go home today!
Try to remember to just take one day at a time--and you'll probably find that the job stuff will all work itself out.
I'm so sorry to hear about the surgery. Please do let us know if we can do anything - you are such a help to so many on this board!
Oh, I am so sorry. There is no way they can't remove the cyst later. Like maybe as part of a scheduled C-section when the baby comes. It's the same incision and then you would have only one recovery. Please let me know if there is anything we can do. I'm really close, an excellent cook and we have a house full of toys if you need someplace for the girls to be.
I hope the good news continues for your daughter. I'm praying for a little more of that for you.
Total bummer! I would be a mess!
I would definitely discuss the possibility of getting the cyst during a scheduled Csection a few weeks later. They could deliver the baby a little early and wait on the cyst. I would gather a second opinion or asked to be referred to a perinatologist for another opinion. I realized during my first pregnancy that peri's are less dramatic than OBs because they see so much more high risk stuff.
Don't worry about the ovary. I don't have a left and the remaining takes over the job. It will ovulate every month for you. I got pg naturally with one ovary and then my first IVF cycle, it worked like a champ.
You may not need the full six weeks recovery. After my surgery to remove my ovary, I was OK probably within 3-4 weeks and got married and my dress fitted in less than 7 weeks after.
I would also get a second opinion on the lap vs. Csection cut to remove the ovary. It may be different because of the growing uterus, but I had a Csection cut and another Dr. felt that it could have been done with a lap.
Stpe back and don't panic yet. Try to gather more info and focus on getting DD#2 out of the hospital. When it rains it pours, doesn't it!!!??
OMG, this is a lot to deal with!!! I am so, so sorry. Im know I would feel completely overwhelmed and scared!
Everyone has offered such good advice, so I would just echo the comments about not even thinking about work right now. It will work out. Focus on getting DD2 all better and back home first. The rest will follow. So sorry you are facing all this at once!
You are not a whiner at all! I'm sorry you have to go through this. Surgery is scary, but I'm sure you'll be just fine. As for your job, it's just a job. Don't worry about having to be out. This surgery is a necessity for the health of you and the baby and that is what really matters. I think you work for the gov't (I do too) and my agency has never allowed donated leave for maternity leave, so I feel you on that one. I had to take 16 weeks of unpaid leave for my son and since I'm still fairly new to the gov't, I"ll probably have to take about 15 weeks unpaid for this baby. Just try to save a little more than usual each month, so you have a cushion for those few months. I hope your week gets better!
ps- I have a brand new 6-pack of Sarnac Shirley Temples that I am willing to share if you need one
I'm with the PP who said to get a 2nd opinion.
First off, I wouldn't worry about burning 6 weeks of leave. I had a c-section and my entire uterus removed (and then put back in) and I was doing stairs as soon as I got home, and would say I felt 100% healed within 3-4 weeks, but was walking 2+ miles about 2 weeks post-surgery. They tell you that you have to be off for 6 weeks for liability reasons I'm sure. All you need to do is stay current with your pain meds for that first week or two and I'm sure it will be smooth sailing.
Secondly, I know you said the doc wants to remove it in 2nd tri. Any chance to move it back to 3rd tri and just do a c-section with your baby and then remove the cyst/ovary then? Kill 2 birds with one stone so to speak.
Oh my god! How stressful! I'm sorry you're going through all of this at one time!
That's great to hear that they may have an answer to your daughter's issues (and it sounds like possibly an easy answer!). That's one less thing you'll have to think about.
Is the issue with waiting for your deliver to remove the cyst the size? It sounds like maybe there's not room for the growing baby and the cyst. I'm no doctor, but can they drain the cyst to make it smaller until the delivery, then get it all out at the delivery?
Regardless, as PPs have said, I am sure it will all work out. Even if you have to take unpaid leave. It's crappy, but I'm sure people will help you out. I'm sorry your HR has such a sh!tty leave donation policy.
In any case, as everyone else said, you always give great advice here, so feel free to vent! If only we could clone you so you can give yourself objective advice!
Oh no, I would be freaking out too. That really sucks about the donated leave and how each govt organization can dictate that.
I would also get a second opinion just because a lap surgery is so much easier on you. When my SIL gets home tonight I will ask about her recovery too since she has had this done twice. But I also think you will recover faster, just think of going through a C-section and that recovery. I was definitely able to take care of the kids sooner than 2 weeks and I would have been able to go back to work before 6 weeks if I had been getting any kind of sleep at night.
I hope that it is the bacterial infection for #2 and that she can be home soon.
Sorry to hear about this.
I live in Springfield like you do and as PP I am willing to help you out whenever needed. Iam a teacher so depending on when they do it in June, I will be off of work. I only work 2 days/week during the summer so let me know if and when you need help!
The social worker at the hospital stopped by today, to see how we're doing with #2's illness, and I jumped on the opportunity to tell her about this surgery for me. I mean hey, they said they had a social worker, they didn't say that I only had to talk about my kid, right? (well, we talked a lot about her too - then I transitioned into my issue).
She was VERY helpful in assisting me in thinking of follow up questions for either my current OB or a second opinion OB.
And, the replies in this thread are VERY helpful too.
So here's what I have so far - if anyone thinks of anything else I should be asking (again, either my OB or another one) please jump in!!!
Is this really necessary in the 2nd trimester?
What are the risks of waiting until the end of the pregnancy, and taking it all out along with my kiddo in a planned C?
Will I later be able to deliver vaginally?
Can you drain the cyst now, and remove it later in a planned C?
Can you recommend a doctor to me so I can get a second opinion?
Can you recommend a specialist?
Why not do this laproscopically?
Why do we have to take the ovary?
Who will being doing the surgery? Can I talk to that person?
What are the risks to the baby, esp. the anesthesia? What type of anasthesia will I get? All over? Chest down? (or whatever the options are, I have no idea)
That's all I have so far. And thanks for the suggestions about work - I def. could propose working part time from home for at least some of the time. And it's great to know that it may not take the full six weeks to recover.
TIA for any more ideas!
Good heavens, I'm so sorry all of this is being piled on top of everything else you're dealing with! If there's any justice in this world, about a year from now you should be winning the lottery, a trip to Hawaii, and a lifetime of spa services.
Until then, please know that we're all eager to jump in and help. Just say the word.
And yay that there may soon be an answer about your little girl!
Lots of {{{hugs to you}}}.
I would independently find another OB for a 2nd opinion instead of asking the current OB for a rec (unless you need a referral, but I don't know how that works since I have a PPO). You don't want him/her just referring you to their golfing buddy.
Hugs and prayers to you!!! I'd be happy to bring you dinner or whatever you need whenever you need it!!!
I am so sorry that all this is happening at all, but especially all at once. I have been thinking of you guys a lot today and recently. I hope filling work in on the details goes ok and they'll be understanding. Work will go on and they'll be ok
Lots of thoughts and prayers your way!!