Am I wrong re: MIL and Christening??

kren

My DD's christening is on April 24th.  So my MIL has shown NO interest in Mia's christening.  Hasn't asked about her gown, if we need help, anything about the church or where the luncheon is going to be held....nothing.  On a side note, my DH's bro is not the godfather...so that may be contributing to this nasty behavior...but that's besides the point.  So anyway....my MIL's sister has still not RSVP'ed so we asked her if she knew if she was coming since it's 4 people and we need to give our final count soon.  So she said of course they're coming and oh by the way I would like to invite some people if it's not an issue.  Hello....one, we don't know these people that well so why would we invite them, two, it's two weeks before the baptism, i'm not changing the guest list and three, we invited who we wanted to be there and we're paying for it....  We're already at 52 people and still waiting on a few RSVPs.  Am I wrong for putting my foot down?  She has absolutely no respect or consideration for us!  UGH!!!! 

RandiDeeAnn

I'm not Catholic, so I don't know exactly how a christening works, but it sounds as if it is an event similar to a wedding. Guest list, food, etc. If it is like that, and it would cost you more, I say you are in the clear. I'm sorry you are getting no enthusiasm from MIL. FWIW, at LO's dedication (protestant similar to Christening) BIL came in for the weekend and didn't even attend the service! I was not a happy camper.

SamsMom91

Are there issues in the past that would account for part of your anger?  The "absolutely not respect or consideration" line suggests that she's given you problems in the past. 

Telling MILs "no" on anything is sticky.  I understand.  My MIL is extremely passive-aggressive.  But you and DH ARE paying for the luncheon, so you have 100% say-so in who makes the guest list.  Stand your ground and explain to her that your guest list is full.  Then, think nothing of it when she gives you grief--EXPECT it.  

kren

We are probably only having one child, so my husband and I decided to host a really nice luncheon afterwards that is going to cost a pretty penny.  She probably already mentioned it to these people, so I just feel like we're going to look like jerks and i'm so mad she's putting us in this situation.  Sorry about your BIL....  Family is crazy!!

kren

SamsMom91:

Are there issues in the past that would account for part of your anger?  The "absolutely not respect or consideration" line suggests that she's given you problems in the past. 

Telling MILs "no" on anything is sticky.  I understand.  My MIL is extremely passive-aggressive.  But you and DH ARE paying for the luncheon, so you have 100% say-so in who makes the guest list.  Stand your ground and explain to her that your guest list is full.  Then, think nothing of it when she gives you grief--EXPECT it.  

Yes....she always gives us problems.  Calls when she's two minutes from the house to say she's dropping by even though she lives 45 mins away.  Never asks us if we're free, just assumes we are sitting home waiting for her to come by.  Includes us in family events after-the-fact...this has been going on for years...even before the baby.  I know...it's probably going to be ugly, even though this is suppose to be a happy day!  I'll stand my ground.  Thanks for your message!

getnmarried910

I do not think you are in the wrong.  YOU are paying for it.  A christening is something you want people you are close with to be a part of.  We are dedicating Adleigh on Sunday and I'd be mad if MIL invited other people along and we're not paying for everyone's meals, so I can't imagine how mad I'd be if she wanted to invite someone if we were paying for it.  I think that is just plain rude and intrusive.  And it's rude of MIL's sister to not RSVP.  This is a special occasion for you to celebrate your daughter, and that is not something for strangers to be a part of. 

getnmarried910

kren:

SamsMom91:

Are there issues in the past that would account for part of your anger?  The "absolutely not respect or consideration" line suggests that she's given you problems in the past. 

Telling MILs "no" on anything is sticky.  I understand.  My MIL is extremely passive-aggressive.  But you and DH ARE paying for the luncheon, so you have 100% say-so in who makes the guest list.  Stand your ground and explain to her that your guest list is full.  Then, think nothing of it when she gives you grief--EXPECT it.  

Yes....she always gives us problems.  Calls when she's two minutes from the house to say she's dropping by even though she lives 45 mins away.  Never asks us if we're free, just assumes we are sitting home waiting for her to come by.  Includes us in family events after-the-fact...this has been going on for years...even before the baby.  I know...it's probably going to be ugly, even though this is suppose to be a happy day!  I'll stand my ground.  Thanks for your message!

I've just been reading through some of the comments and I thought of more to say.    We don't answer the door when MIL shows up unannounced.  She only lives 10 minutes away, but we'd still do it if she lived an hour away.  That's rude of her.  My MIL sounds a lot like your MIL. 

Your MIL making you guys out to be the jerks when she shouldn't have invited them without asking first is par for the course.  It sounds like your MIL is exactly like mine, and I know my MIL makes us look bad all the time when she doesn't get her way with things.  It sucks, but I'd rather have people think we're jerks than have MIL running our lives.  She's a control freak and so far, I've been the only one in the family who doesn't do everything she says and it's gotten very ugly.  And she hates that DH backs me up!  That part is pretty great actually.  She doesn't like that I "win" with him.  I am truly sorry your MIL is putting you in this current situation.  I completely understand how you feel, and I'm expecting my MIL to invite people to our dinner as well.

Heather1979

I think that whoever is paying for any event has the final say in who gets invited. PERIOD. If MIL is getting upset because so and so isn't on your list, then ask her to pay for those guests (unless it forces you to a different locale, etc.) If she gets irritated then you have all the fodder you need to get angry right back and confront her about her behavior/reaction.