Agency vs. Lawyer

JulieF

Hi.  I am new here as well.  My husband and I have been trying to conceive for two years without success.  We are considering IUI or adoption, and I am trying to research as much as possible before we get any further in our decision-making process.

I'm going to get some of the adoption books that have been recommended on this board and others, but I also wanted to ask:  what are the pros and cons for using an agency?  a lawyer?  My husband talked to a friend of his about a good agency in our area, and I have located an adoption attorney as well.  We're just trying to figure out what may be the best for us.  I know the agency has both social workers and lawyers.

 Thanks.  We are interested in domestic, closed adoption of an infant. (I know that the consensus is that open is better, but at this point we still think closed suits us better.  We may change our minds as we get info.)

Go_Dawgs

It really varies by state.  In states where advertising is legal, using a lawyer can be a very effective way to adopt.  I live in GA, and only agencies can advertise.  With lawyers being able to advertise to attract birth mothers, it's not possible to rely completely on a lawyer to locate a birth mom.  So take the answers to this question with a grain of salt, because what is more effective in your state may not be what is most effective in another.

Go_Dawgs

Also do research on adoption consultants and facilitators.

rwunderlich13

We too are adopting domestically with a more closed adoption. It is considered "semi-open" because the birthmom picked us, we've met, I go to doc's appt.s with her and we'll send her letters and pictures for the first couple of years without physical visits. And our mind changed to that after we got more involved so be open to a tiny bit of change as we wanted our adoption very closed in the beginning too :-)

 We are with an Adoption Facilitator and we LOVE her!!!!

She's there for us every step of the way, like having a good friend walking us through the process. We're much more independent than an agency like for example; if adopting through an agency we'd have multiple post-placement visits after we bring baby home, but going our route we only have one visit and it's from the county. (that's a plus for us as we don't really want those visits) Also a HUGE part of working with her is that she REALLY, REALLY cares for the birthmom's just as much as she cares for us. She treats them so well and counsels them on the decision their making so she has a tremendously high rate of successful adoptions because these ladies are so sure! I just love knowing that she is there being a great influence and leading the situation. I can't say enough of our facilitator, she's amazing!

The only cons with working with one are that you're on your own to do everything else. Like the legal parts. So adopting this way can sometimes be cheaper or can get more expensive. Like when you pay an agency, it's a big lump fee and in the end your adoption may have cost more than that or less and you'll never know the difference. With a facilitator, you're literally paying her to "match" you and be with you for the process and she'll refer you to the other people you need. So we have had to pay for our home study to be done, our fingerprints, a lawyer, birthmom expenses for the last trimester and for 4 -6 weeks after birth and for an adoption service provider who terminates rights.

So working with a facilitator is like being your own contractor and "hiring" sub-contractors to do the job :-)

 Good luck!

JulieF

Thank you for this info.  I had no clue that there was such a thing as an adoption facilitator!  It's also very interesting what you said about the agency and the set fee.

Do the facilitators only work with open adoptions? 

silliestbunny

We are signed on w/an "adoption center".  It's sort of a hybrid of a law office and agency. 

That said, the next time we adopt, I'll probably elect to work directly with a lawyer(s). 

For us, the agency approach really left us feeling sure of what we were doing. It seemed very organized and lots of support.  We felt completely overwhelmed with the prospect of adoption and we preferred to have someone guide us through. 

Now, though, I think lawyers offer more flexibility and often allow you to network with several in the process of finding your match.  More legwork is involved, IMO/experience, but it also gives you more control. 

All in all, I  feel that the domestic adoption process is far from predictable and finding something that works for you today might not work for you at a later date.  In other words, I don't believe there's a right way to do it--- it becomes right for you once the adoption is successful

rwunderlich13

JulieF:

Do the facilitators only work with open adoptions? 

Ours doesn't "only" do anything. It is up to the adoptive parents and up to the birthmoms.

For example, she knew we wanted it way more closed than open, so if she knew of a birthmom that wanted it totally open with visits and what not, she wouldn't even consider showing the birthmom our profile. It's the same thing for couples that are open or not open to potential drug babies or different races. It all depends on what you want and than finding a BM who wants that same thing. 

I don't know how other facilitators work but she is soooo quick! Apparently her average wait time is 30 days to 4 months with most couples being matched within a year. Since September we've been 'matched' 3 times! Like I said though, you're on your own for the rest of the stuff but it hasn't been a hassle at all! They're worth checking out :-)