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Intro and a question

jkmcnamarajkmcnamara
in Adoption

Hi, everyone! I mostly post on the IF board, but since I know DH and I will be adopting, I thought I'd start paying some more attention to this board.

Now, my question is this: I am 23 in two weeks, DH 34 (please, no crap about our age difference). We want to adopt in about 5 years. That puts me at 28 and him at 39.

Is his age going to be an issue? Will it make adopting more difficult? Please be honest and TIA!

I'm looking forward to getting to know you all!

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Re: Intro and a question

  • Amy720Amy720
    I wouldn't see his age as a problem.   Many BM pick older stable couples.  It seems like maybe the older, the wiser.  I wouldn't worry about it.  My DH and I were both 32 and it was no problem.  Good luck!
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  • Temp206787500007404Temp206787500007404

    It depends on what kind of adoption you want to do.  Some foreign countries have age restrictions (on both the low and high ends) -- so you'll have to research those if you are interested in them.  Some domestic agencies may also, but I'm not familiar with them (we did a private/independent adoption).

    Adoption for Dummies is a great book that will help you explore all of your options!

    Looking forwarding to seeing you around more often!

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  • jkmcnamarajkmcnamara
    imageMrsB2007:

    It depends on what kind of adoption you want to do.  Some foreign countries have age restrictions (on both the low and high ends) -- so you'll have to research those if you are interested in them.  Some domestic agencies may also, but I'm not familiar with them (we did a private/independent adoption).

    Adoption for Dummies is a great book that will help you explore all of your options!

    Looking forwarding to seeing you around more often!

    Ideally, we'd love either a Russian or domestic adoption. Absolutely no open adoptions.

    Thanks for the book recommendation! I'll have to look at it.

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  • redhead1214redhead1214
    imagejkmcnamara:
    imageMrsB2007:

    It depends on what kind of adoption you want to do.  Some foreign countries have age restrictions (on both the low and high ends) -- so you'll have to research those if you are interested in them.  Some domestic agencies may also, but I'm not familiar with them (we did a private/independent adoption).

    Adoption for Dummies is a great book that will help you explore all of your options!

    Looking forwarding to seeing you around more often!

    Ideally, we'd love either a Russian or domestic adoption. Absolutely no open adoptions.

    Thanks for the book recommendation! I'll have to look at it.

    I do not know the exact age requirements/restrictions for Russia-even though that is where we are adopting from- but I am pretty sure you will be in the clear. Usually, it  is something like no more than a 4 year age difference between the child and the parent (i.e. if your DH happened to be 50 when you decided to adopt, then the child would have to be 5 years old or older).

    A great website to look at is Rainbowkids.com. It breaks each country down and gives you stats like age requirements for adoptive parents, wait times, ages of children available (not all countries have newborn or even toddlers available, be warned.) It is a valuable website for IA.

    For example, Russia, a child must stay in teh Russian database for 8 months before being able to be adopted internationally, meaning IF a child is relinquished at birth the youngest you will get a referral is 8 months, and that is not when you bring them home, that is at referral. So if you are looking for a newborn or very young infant, a word of caution in IA. 

    Good luck. If you have any questions regarding Russian IA, please feel free to page me or PM me.  

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  • GulfCoasterGulfCoaster
    imagejkmcnamara:
    imageMrsB2007:

    It depends on what kind of adoption you want to do.  Some foreign countries have age restrictions (on both the low and high ends) -- so you'll have to research those if you are interested in them.  Some domestic agencies may also, but I'm not familiar with them (we did a private/independent adoption).

    Adoption for Dummies is a great book that will help you explore all of your options!

    Looking forwarding to seeing you around more often!

    Ideally, we'd love either a Russian or domestic adoption. Absolutely no open adoptions.

    Thanks for the book recommendation! I'll have to look at it.

    Butting in....  I was initially uneasy with the idea of openness in adoption, too, and that's why I so strongly leaned toward IA.  Openness just seemed so awkward and odd, like it would end up being co-parenting and confusing for the child.  Then, someone on this board gave me a recommendation of a book on open adoptions (I can't for the life of me remember its title), and the book actually changed my mind considerably -- I now see the benefit of openness and am willing to consider semi-open or open situations when we begin moving forward. 

    All of which is to say, since it seems like you have a few years until you begin any adoption, try not to rule certain paths out yet until you've fully investigated and considered them.  :)

    A book like Adoption for Dummies is a good place to start -- it has a lot of info on each type of adoption.  Another basic book I liked is "You Can Adopt: An Adoptive Families Guide," by the editors of Adoptive Families magazine.  It's not quite as comprehensive as Adoption for Dummies, but it is more recent.

    For Russia in particular, a good source of information is the chat boards at www.frua.org.  IA from Russia has been one of our top choices for a while now, and lurking there has taught me a lot.  (Like redhead1214, the only Russian age restriction I'm aware of is the upper age restriction, 45 years difference between child and parent...)

     

    Welcome to the board!

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  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    Why would anyone give you crap about your age difference?

    Your DH's age may or may not be an issue depending on which program you go with. We did DA, and our agency works with people up to age 50, I believe. You'll just have to research agencies/firms and see what their requirements are. It can be done.

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  • LadyRed7LadyRed7

    Welcome to the board and we certainly don't give anyone "crap" unless they deserve it.

    But.. like pp said, there are agencies that will work with your ages, it will just take some research and finding the right fit. So knowing your current timeframe you have plenty of time to chat with agencies and find the right fit for you and DH. 

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  • KarlsSweetie05KarlsSweetie05 member

    this is a useful link:

    https://www.adoption.state.gov/

    specifically Russia link:

    https://www.adoption.state.gov/country/russia.html

    In addition to these U.S. requirements for adoptive parents, Russia also has the following requirements for adoptive parents:

    • Residency Requirements:  There are no residency requirements for intercountry adoptions from Russia.  Prospective adoptive parents will have to come to Russia twice during the adoption process.
    • Age Requirements:  For single persons who wish to adopt, there must be a 16 year age difference between the prospective parent and the prospective child.  There are no age requirements for married couples. 
    • Marriage Requirements:  Both married couples and single persons may adopt.  Single persons must be at least 16 years older than the adoptive child.  
    • Other Requirements:  Russia has some medical requirements for prospective adoptive parents.  Prospective adoptive parents should consult their adoption agencies concerning medical conditions.  Some disqualifying conditions include tuberculosis (active and chronic), illness of the internal organs and nervous system, dysfunction of the limbs, infectious diseases, drug and alcohol addictions, psychiatric disorders, and any disability preventing the person from working.

     

    TTC #1 for over 5 years - too many to count IF treatments (tried everything and anything), repeat miscarriages. Finally, Sticky Success!! B/G Twins arrived 2011. VOTE on my Name List Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • silliestbunnysilliestbunny member

    Welcome! 

    I am with GulfCoaster-  before you rule out open adoption, educate yourself.  Many of us felt just like you but understanding how it works often changes your mind.

    A great book to read is The Open Adoption Book by Bruce Rappaport, PhD.  Open adoption can be as simple as a birth mom looking at profiles and CHOOSING YOU (as opposed to a lawyer doing the matching).  It doesn't always mean that the birth mom will see you and your child.  

    I am not necessarily advocating for open adoption, it's just that it really narrows your search down if you choose a domestic infant adoption.

    Good luck, and it's great you are getting an early start!

     

    image Best friends and sisters... 24 months and 16 months
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  • jkmcnamarajkmcnamara
    imageDr.Loretta:

    Why would anyone give you crap about your age difference?

    Your DH's age may or may not be an issue depending on which program you go with. We did DA, and our agency works with people up to age 50, I believe. You'll just have to research agencies/firms and see what their requirements are. It can be done.

    First off, congrats on your little girl!

    Second, we catch a LOT of crap about our age difference. People assume that he's a child molesting creeper going through a midlife crisis and that I'm a gold digger whore with daddy issues.

    And those are other people's words, not mine :(

    That's awesome that agencies work with people up to age 50! I'm in the VERY early stages of adoption, so right now it's research, research, RESEARCH. 

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