Learning to say "NO"???

VandRicky

A friend of mine called me last Sunday to ask if I could watch her son the next day (Monday) because he was on Spring break earlier than others and the childcare she had for him, backed out.  I said sure, the kids would enjoy having a playdate.

Monday turned into ALL WEEK, because I couldn't say no. And picking him up at 5:30pm turned in to picking him up at 7pm and me having to drag him everywhere because Sebastian was still at school that week and needed to be picked up.

The kids did NOT behave, by the ned of the week, they were all sick of eachother and kept fighting, and my friend's son was getting too comfortable with me and not listening! fun times!

Anyway, I get a call this morning at 8am , same firend asking me to watch him again because he has off from school and she has no one to watch him. Of course, I said yes! I told her I could only watch him until noon though because Eric had taken the half day off for us to go out with the kids and I just couldn't take all three kids with me. She seemed a bit ticked off, but hey, I am doing this as a favor, I am ot getting paid or anything.

 I just feel like I am being taken advantage of (late pickups, short notice), I feel like she thinks that her (paying) job is more important than mine because I stay at home, and I don't get paid!

I am 5 months pregnant, still puking all day and have my own two to take care of. I am all about helping others but hey isn't this a bit too much.... or am I overreacting?

mjz

Oh, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It sounds like a really sticky situation. I would feel the same way you're feeling (it does sound like too much and she doesn't sound that appreciative or helpful), but it would be so hard to say no to a friend. Ugh. I don't really have any advice. Good luck!

chunky777

No at all V.  I'm even surprised a friend is asking you to take care of her son knowing you are 5 months pregnant!!!! You are a GREAT friend for saying yes...if I were you I would definitely have a talk with her.  It's not fair for you to be treated that way.  My mom is taking care of Izzy and I am grateful I have free childcare.  I know I cannot abuse of it either.  And even if you weren't pregnant she cannot abuse of your friendship like that.

Mrs.ClariC

oohh I'm so sorry!! That sounds terrible!! I would've told her "I'm sorry, I wish I could, but I really can't handle it right now with the pregnancy". I don't have much patience for people like that (if she got mad that you said you can only watch him until noon) especially after the late pickups, etc. I would've told her off because I would also feel taken advantage of.

So no, you're not overreacting, if anything, I think you're underreacting! GL!  May the force be with you!!

MellyMelB

You are totally being taken advantage of and she is asking A LOT of a pregnant woman with 2 sons of her own to take care of. And to me...its unnacceptable for her to leave her kid with you until 7pm. The childcare she was going to pay for would never have allowed that - but its okay to do that to her friend? Seems to me...you should be the one ticked off, not her. And she is not being very friendly.

Its always amazing to me that NO is such a short and easy word on the lips....but getting your brain to cooperate is a different story. Try it once...it gets easier.

Hopefully she picked him up on time today but something is tell me that she did not.

taxbride

I'm wondering what her plan was and if it fell through or what.  I don't quite understand her not being clear about what she needed, either. 

As a working mom (part time) with no family in the area, I have a heck of a time getting childcare during school breaks.  So I relate to that.  And the truth is that, while her job may not be "more important" than yours, she is the only one of the two of you who can be fired and lose her livelihood, and she has someone else to answer to, whereas you don't.  So if her boss made her stay late, she may not have had a choice.

Still, I can only imagine doing what she did if her original plan (and backup plans) all fell through at the last minute.  I mean, who waits until Sunday to find childcare for Monday (and all week) when we all know when Spring Break is months in advance? 

And even if all my plans had fallen through (which sort of happened to me last week and left me scrambling), I would have paid any friend of mine who watched my kids all week (maybe not for one day--would have offered a trade or something else, though).  I also would have been sure (very very sure) to be extremely clear about what I needed in terms of time and number of days. 

I had a new sitter this week and I was very clear with her.  I made sure to also tell my boss that I had a sitter at home and that my kids were not in school, just in case there was an emergency (and also b/c my hours had to change to accommodate her availability--she came later than I usually start my day, so I had to start later than usual).  I still made sure to leave ON TIME to get home by the time I told her I would get home (even though she showed up late every single morning).

Sorry about this friend,V.  You were a very good friend to her and I hope she realizes it.  I would tell her, though, that this week was kind of rough, especially with the pregnancy, and tell her NOW that you don't imagine you'll be able to do it again.  Otherwise, you will be getting another Sunday night phone call when school ends and she's waiting for summer camp to start.

Tania

karenlisa714

I agree with Mel and with Tania, lots of good advice there. I just hope that your friend understands what an ordeal it is for you to be so generous to her in her time of need, especially when you're feeling so sick and dealing with your own kids. Don't feel bad about telling her that it was rough on you because of feeling ill due to the pregnancy, and that you won't be able to do it again.

cocojack10

Hm, no you aren't overreacting!  Taking care of 3 children, while pg and having m/s can't be easy!  I do believe your friend is taking advantage of you, especially that she sounded upset when you gave her a deadline for today.

I hope she abided and picked up her son by noon!

melly&jimmy

It sounds like you had a rough  week...everyone has already given you some great advice.   I think you should be honest with your friend.  I sometimes have a hard time saying no too so I can relate. 

My employer offers a program called Back Up Care Options.  It's emergency care for your dependents when your regular care-giver is unavailable.  You should suggest it to her :0)

https://backup.brighthorizons.com/

Snshine

Regardless of if you were taken advantage of or not (and you totally were) she sounds pretty ungrateful.  So she had to stay late at work - apologize profusely and bring dinner, don't just say - see you in the morning.  That burns me.  Time to put your foot down.  It's not a matter of being able to help, it's being appreciated for the help you can give.  Be gentle but clear.  Feel better!

soontobemrs.rjd

I dont think you are over reacting at all!! I would feel the same way... then again we are basically in the same boat, five monte along, still puking, etc. Either way, she isn't being very kind or appreciative.