Do you still feel like you?

scubaspot

I am  due to give birth any minute now and I am going to be a SAHM. I love that I have the chance to do  this. I have always wanted to be a SAHM but I am worried that I am going to loose my identity. I stopped working in Sept. due to some health difficulties and I feel that all anyone wants to talk to me about is being pregnant and babies. Obviously I love my LO but I am afraid that when she comes all I am going to be is a "mom". I am dying for someone to ask me if I have read an interesting book or how I feel about something going on in the news but all anyone wants to talk about is babies. I don't want to become that person who has lost herself in the process of being a mom.

Do any of you feel like people only see you as your LO's mom and not an actual person with thoughts outside of diapers? 

TrinaKay

People are just being nice and excited for you right now. It will be that was for the first few months with the baby too. (Is LO sleeping well? Is LO eating? rolling over? smiling?) 

You just have to make time for yourself, have time with friends/family and make it a point not to talk about kids.

I do still feel like myself, but in someways I am obviously different.

It's hard to explain. lol.

Congrats and Good Luck!! 

joelle&joseph

I had a hard time my first 6 months at home and was in a "funk".  I didn't feel like myself and I felt like I didn't have a purpose or identity other than mom.  Now I feel totally different but I had to come to terms with my new life. GL!

axr8111

This is all in your control. I know lots of mom's that really don't have anything to talk about and really don't even try to have anything to talk about. Even as a mom, I try to avoid these people because they're not all that fun or interesting. Sure it's easy to talk baby talk all the time but when I talk to my friends I allow the first few minutes to catch up on what's going on in baby-ville and then I force the conversation away from that especially with friends that don't have kids yet. It make me feel normal and like myself again. So yes if you let it change you it can, but if you make sure it doesn't then it won't. You just have to put the effort in to still be a good wife, friend or daughter or whatever and not just a good mom. 

Good luck! 

soonergal

I still feel like me, although I wish I could do more things I did pre-kids, like going out without it being this big "date night" production.  It's really hard and/or expensive to find a sitter.  But as far as being "me," I still mostly feel the same.  I work a few hours a week from home, read a lot, follow politics and current events, am very involved in the arts community in my area, do serious bible studies, etc.  My problem is that while I don't do mommy-talk all the time, a lot of the moms I know do.  Probably why I nest.    

Stacyc625

It's hard to explain- you never quite ARE the same after you have a child. It changes your entire identity.

BritClen

After having a child you life does change...in just about every way...some times I feel myself only in mommy mind..but I think its part of being a parent. 

Its important to keep your identity by getting out with your spouse and by your self...but honestly when your away from them all you want it to be with them...

you figure it out...we all do, and when that baby is born you'll love them more then you could ever image! GL! 

safy

scubaspot:

Do any of you feel like people only see you as your LO's mom and not an actual person with thoughts outside of diapers? 

I like to think that I am much more than being a mom, but even without children, I'm also not the same person I was say, 5 years ago. It doesn't bother me when people address me as my kids' mom rather than my name. I joke about it, but it doesn't bother me.  My kids are a huge part of me now, but they're not all I am. I think ultimately, I am in control of who I present myself to be.  I'm different to different groups of people. I'm a mom to my kids' moms and circle of friends, but that doesn't mean that's all we talk about.  Sure diapers, and child rearing is important, but other moms are more than that too. They have other interests too and if the conversation stays on any one topic too long and I don't want to linger on it, I just switch topics.  I still say, "so what's good to read or watch on tv lately? Any recommendations? What do you have going on?" to my mom friends.

Among my child-free friends, I flow with their conversation topics...current events, celebrity gossip, family life discussions, etc. In fact, I rarely if ever bring up kids in a conversation with them because when I'm with them, I want a break from my kids. It's kind of like leaving work at the office when I'm out at happy hour. I don't want to talk about the boss that's driving me crazy.    I'm in charge of what I know. During my free time, I do things that are not always kid oriented.  I do stuff for me, as an adult so that I am much more than a mom. I enjoy challenging my brain.

EnglishMajor03

Yes I feel like that all the time.  Just make it a priority to quickly address the ?'s about your LO and then tell them what you have been up to.

EnglishMajor03

EnglishMajor03:

Yes I feel like that all the time.  Just make it a priority to quickly address the ?'s about your LO and then tell them what you have been up to.

BTW you look great in your siggy pic!  

hayleydeee

Honestly no, I don't feel like the same person I was before DD was born. Being a mother has changed so much of my identity, my priorities and the way I think. I never anticipated such big changes.Yes, others seem to perceive me as more of a "mom" than anything else too. But I can't say whether they are just reflecting back what I am putting out there, or if it's a conclusion that they came to on their own.  

dionnemd10

i haven't had those moments too often.  with my group of girl friends a few weeks ago i kind of did-since often a discussion is "how is work etc"   

i really like my identity of "mom"   i waited a long time to have it and some days i work really hard to earn it (ie cranky/sassy/three year old syndrome child)     it helps that i belong to a moms group and we share things like shopping tips, educational discussions, stories from our youth etc.  

i think if you keep yourself up on reading, working out, keep up with your interests then you will not lose your identity-won't lose yourself.  you will just be adding to who you are by being a mom.  and it is great when your interests carry over into raising your children.

Smittenkitten05

If you don't want to be that person, then you have to take steps not to become one. Which means you may have to direct these conversations in the direction you want them to go.  

I do want to warn you that it may be harder after you give birth. People will be even more interested in the baby and some women really struggle with the hormone overload pp. Honestly, I had a hard time with the hormones myself and DS was a bit of a handful (and that is a "bit" of an understatement I think it took a good 9 months to a year for me to feel like me again. And then I went and got pregnant and all that flew out the window.

Hopefully, knowing what to expect with a new baby in the house, it won't take that long again but who knows.

Just know that your feelings on this are common and will get better with time.