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Parenting
Anyone else have a high maintenance 3 year old? Long
And I mean, I know most 3 year olds are, they are only 3. But does anyone else have one that demands that you play with him all day? We just had a horrendous experience at the Y- long story short, DS1 ordered me/demanded me to play in the splash pad with him and I said no, I would stand near him, but I wasn't going IN with him (he was in by himself over the weekend- for the first time, and LOVED it. For the first time, I got to sit and watch him do something, instead of doing it with him) So I thought, great, been there, done that, go play kiddo, and have fun with the other kids! WRONG- there was lots of temper tantrums/flipping out for me to play with him, to the point that I said, forget it, we are going home. I also have my 18 month old with me, I can't just do everything my 3 year old wants while it's me and 2 kids in the water, so I decided to pack it in. Things when from bad to much worse, very quickly. He just absolutely freaked out in the locker room, was screaming in little kids' faces, the kids were horrified, probably their mom's too......I tried to remain calm and ignore as much as I could (not the screaming in the poor kids' faces) but everything else, tried to quickly get my 18 month old dried/dressed, DS1 tried to escape the locker room 2x......all the while screaming like a banchee.....and finally, he tried to escape and fell flat on his back on the hard floor....at that point I was PISSED. Should have been horrified and worried that he was hurt, but honestly, after 20 minutes of temper tantruming and me not being able to calm him down, then he runs away and falls.....I lost it. I screamed a curse word (not bad one, but a curse word none the less) and picked him up and yelled at him. Not hugged him and asked him if he was ok, yelled at him b/c I was so fed up and stressed.
Now, I feel horrible, and yes, I'll admit, mostly b/c I think all of the other mom's in there were probably staring at me thinking 'wtf is wrong with her' and 'what a crappy mom, I would never have handled things this way' etc and also b/c i feel bad that my son was so worked up that he fell and hurt himself. All because I said I wouldn't play with him, b/c I think he needs to learn to play with other kids/or even alone sometimes. This a constant battle throughout the day. Me trying to get things done v him ordering me to play with him or freaking out royally. He and Ds2 are starting to play together so this helps. But I just don't think things should always be this difficult. Does anyone else go through this?
I also feel the need to say that I am essentially a single mom M-F b/c DH has a very long commute, leaves early in the am and is home after the kids are in bed. I have no family in the area. DS1 goes to preschool 2 mornings a week. Having no help M-F really is so hard, most weeks I handle it ok, some days, like today, I just feel like I'm at a breaking point. I used to have a babysitter that came 2x month just to give me a few hours of alone time, but she's student teaching now and I haven't been able to find anyone else.
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Re: Anyone else have a high maintenance 3 year old? Long
I have a 4 year old that demands my attention 95% of the time that I am with her. She spends very little time playing on her own...when I am there. She is super indepdent at the sitter, at school and with my dh or my parents. While dh is there every night, he may as well not be. Not becasue he doesnt try to help me out but because she doesn't allow it. He could offer to do what ever she just asked me and she tells him no...mommy is doing it.
She does not throw tantrums, she's just extremely bossy and demanding with me. If I say it's time for your bath for example, she usually responds in a snotty tone that she isn't ready yet. I just tell her it wasn't a question, it was an order. I don't care if she is ready or not.
Saturday morning she was clinging to me so badly that I finally snapped and yelled at her. I can't stand that she hangs on me every second. i love her to death but god damn that's annoying after 3-4 hours. She pretended it didn't bother her, then I heard her crying in her room because I hurt her feelings. I felt a little bad, but honestly not too much. She needs to stop being so demanding of me. If I have to yell at her then I have to yell at her. Nothing else works.
Fun isn't it? Switch the high maintenance one to my 2 year old though. We bring a stroller or the ergo everywhere we go so that if either of them needs to be caged, we can do it.
I'm thinking in your case, if you can swing it, 1-2 days a week of daycare or something similar would be a giant help, for them and for you.
I have a high maintenance 2 year old:)))
We have gone through similar things. Now I kind of bribe her.
Ex. She hates riding in the cart/stroller when we are out, so we have a deal, she is a "good listener" and she gets to walk, "bad listener" rides in stroller. If she starts acting up I remind her of our deal and she usually stops.
Ex 2. I take her somewhere (dr appt, library storytime) she acts up/gets sassy sometimes so I tell her if she's a good listener she'll get to watch t.v. in the car (portable DVD player), she loves that.
I've been thinking about getting a sitter to come just so I can get some alone time too, MH is out of town alot and some days I just don't deal well. I'm sorry you're having one of those days.
This is Preston exactly!
DS isn't 3 yet, but he will be in 3 weeks (and I don't see his behavior changing in that time, lol)
He has zero independent play skills when I am around (he goes to daycare 2 days a week and gym daycare other days - he is totally fine there, is fine with sitters, with family, etc. He is better with DH but not great). All day is a constant "plaaaaaaaaay with me!" over and over and over again. And I play with him, down on the floor, doing whatever almost all day. The brief periods I do something like make lunch, get dressed, etc. he is literally on my leg saying "Mama, plaaaaaaaaaaaay with meeeeee!" The kid still tries to sit on my lap when I go to the bathroom.
I try setting the timer ("Mommy is going to do XYZ and then I will play with you when the timer goes off in 3 minutes") and 80% of the time he still stands right next to me the whole time and ask if I am ready yet over and over again. He is so much in the habit that sometimes when I AM playing with him, he still asks me to play with him, LOL.
He goes through phases with tantrums - right now he is doing really well, but I can see him throwing a fit over something like you mentioned if he was going through one of his tantrum phases.
It is tough - I think some kids are just a lot more high maitanence than others. At this point, I don't think DS will outgrow it. I think he will always be a really social kid/adult that doesn't like to be on his own.
I just wanted to say that you're human and I've had those kind of days. Thought I would lose my mind. I think it's important that he knows that public or private, when you say no, it's no.screw those other moms staring...
how does he do at school?
Rest assured, 99% of those other moms had nothing but sympathy for you as we have all been there.
It's funny, before I had kids I was always so judgemental of moms with screaming kids in public places, now I just want to go give them a hug.