For GC: Come have a laugh at my expense!

PinkRoses

For your entertainment, I'm sacrificing my dignity to tell you about a little incident that I had yesterday.

Let me preface all this by saying that I've had problems with anxiety all my life.  However I had to go off my usual meds for the pregnancy, which is fine.  I just know myself, and I know that I'm a worrier.  So to combat this, I just decided that I would be pretty conservative in what I eat throughout the pregnancy.  Knowing me, the 20 minutes of enjoyment I would get from a soft-serve milkshake isn't worth the 6 months of "what if's?" that I know my brain would keep throwing at me.

However both my mom and DH are telling me that I'm still just worrying too much.  So now that I'm in the 2nd trimester, I'm TRYING to relax a little, which is hard for me.  

I got a huge craving for a ham, pepperoni and swiss sandwich from Subway yesterday.  So I figured I was gonna go for it, and live a little.  My plan was to get it toasted there, then bring it back to the office and microwave it, just to be extra safe.  I felt very daring and a little nervous, but was REALLY looking forward to enjoying the sandwich!

So I get back to the office and am putting the sandwich into the
microwave when my boss walks by.  "JEEBUS, PINKROSES, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? You can't have LUNCHMEAT!!!!  That's the ONE thing in pregnancy that you have to be careful of! What are you doing???"  

I said, "No, no, it's ok as long as I heat it to steaming."  He says, "Are you sure?" I say, "yes, everything everywhere that I've read says that."  He says again, "Are you SURE??"  I say "Yes."  He then walks off, muttering about me being pregnant and having "F'ing Spam" on my sandwich.  And "Jeebus, PinkRoses, you scare me."  (Obviously I have a VERY relaxed work environment... there are only 4 people in our company, and my boss is a little British man who curses alot.)

So here I am, trying to relax like a normal person, and looking
forward to my sandwich, and this happens.  I KNOW what I read, but still it was unsettling to hear from a man who's had two children, one of whom is 6 months old.  So I microwave the sandwich for 3 minutes.  Figuring that's PLENTY of time.  

While it's cooking I try to google exactly how long I should microwave it for, and everything I can find just says "steaming or 160 degrees." Since I don't have a meat thermometer, it's hard for me to tell.  So when it's done, I look at it, and the plate is defnitely steaming.  But is it cooked all the way through?  How do I know?  I'm so rattled by the whole thing that I put it in for ANOTHER 3 minutes.

When the timer goes off, my beautiful Subway sandwich is a shriveled mess, and the meat inside is literally scorched in multiple places.  I had
to tear off the burned spots on the meat and the bread.  The bread was
mushy in some places and hard as a rock in others.  The tomatoes were a gelatinous ruin.  My yummy sandwich was only a pathetic shell of what I'd hoped it would be, and I'd brought it all on myself.

Please laugh at the crazy pregnant lady.

oh-zysbaby

I am CRYING. That was HILARIOUS.

You know, when I had DD 10 years ago, you could have as much lunchmeat as you wanted. No one said a word.

weelass24

OMG. I love this story.

greenclown

OMG, PR.

preppynewlywed

Favorite BOTB story ever.

buckin

ROFLMAO.

For future reference, just have them give you the meat on the side and microwave it by itself..which only takes about 15 seconds on high in a microwave to get cooked meat steamy.

However, I appreciate your sacrifice of your dignity in telling this story! You deserve an award. LOL

PinkRoses

I totally should have taken a picture of the disaster that emerged from that microwave.

Wee, if you're the BOTB cautionary tale for 'roids and waxes, can I be the walking warning to those who read too many "DANGER FOR PREGNANT WOMEN" articles?

PinkRoses

Fantastic idea, buckin.  That thought semi-occurred to me while I was choking down my sandwich (oh yes, I ate it anyway).  "If only I had somehow separated the meat from the rest of the sandwich, my bread and tomatoes wouldn't have had to suffer."  Subway bread is one of my favorite parts of the Subway experience!!!

weelass24

Bwaaaahahahahaha!!! Yes!

Lyssapee

OH I would have just heating the meat...

Also I had soft serve last night, oopies!

Thanks for the giggles!

magdalina.h

lol, that's hilarious!

jCamsquared

That. was. awesome.

mrsadamc 05

I am so sorry your sandwich was a mess but that was the best story. 

 

And since I could not control my laughter I have to tell my class this story.  I promised I would read it to them at the end of the hour! 

mrsadamc 05

My students thought that was a great story!  They asked if you were an author.  They were very impressed with your use of the word gelatinous! 

PinkRoses

LOL -

"PR, saving future generations of girls from becoming neurotic pregnant women since 2010."

Too funny about your students, mrsadamc.  Glad I could give them a laugh.  I'm not an author, just a frustrated English major

It's hard to find a time when "gelatinous" is really the appropriate word choice, but this time it was EXACTLY the right word for what became of those poor tomatoes.