s/o parenting and being positive

PhillySue

What are your thoughts on this...

I am trying to take the Davez approach and be positive with Katie. DH is not quite on the same page as me.  I have heard my DH tell her on a few ocassions "You are bad" when she throws food or pushes away a bottle. I know he is kind of kidding but I have told him more than once to please stop telling her she is bad because 1) She is not bad and 2) I think that no child should have to hear that.  He gets all offended and mad because he claims to be kidding and she does not understand anyway. I disagree she understands a lot and I do not want to hear it. 

So do you guys agree with me or am I giving DH a hard time for nothing?

BizEB

You are right and I'm not even someone who adheres to positive parenting per se.  I just don't believe in ever making generalities about people I love- DH or my son-- it's just demoralizing to them and not very helpful.  And you'd be surprised what the LOs understand. 

oct11bride03

Even if he says he's kidding, she understands him to some degree. I think you're 100% right for giving him a hard time.

DavezWife

you're right to squash those words, I say. Her actions are bad. She is not. A kid will take that personally pretty quick. Kids don't get "kidding" unless it's hammed up and said while tickling.

And BTW... let's not coin this "The Davez Approach"... lol. I by NO means invented nor have perfected it. ;-) 

beebe929

We are trying to limit "No" and use "good girl" often.  But she mocks both.. does what she wants saying "no" and "good girl".... LOL

It is harder for DH to limit "no". 

choco_lab

I would try to make him stop this ASAP.  This will definitely stick with her and will affect her self esteem if he does it for the rest of her life.  Ask him if HE would want to hear "You are bad?"  Did his parents say this to him?  You have to teach him other ways to communicate with her as soon as possible.

RoxBride

I don't think she's too young to understand.  I agree - stop this now, don't let it become  a habit.

The first relationship a girl has is with her father, and you want that to be positive.

PhillySue

choco_lab:

Did his parents say this to him?  .

I highly doubt it. His mom is a preschool teacher and is very positive.  I am sure if she heard him say this she would give him a hard time too. 

Just though I would also say that he really is very good with her and rarely does stuff that irk me like this

Thanks for all the advice. Glad I am not alone.