I feel like a failure :(

Tryingtogetpregnant

My boss lives across the country from me. He asked last week if we could have a phone conference about my territory management until my maternity leave. Sure. I thought we were going to go through when my last day is going to be, if everything is in order, is there anything I need his help on, etc.

Nope. It was essentially like my review all over again. He wanted to know how I had improved on some areas of weakness since my review? Then, he asked if we could have a weekly phone conference until my maternity leave. He wants to go over my weekly schedule and if any problem areas have come up during the week that he'll need to know about when I'm out. I can understand that he wants to know what's going on while I'm gone, but I don't really understand the need to know my weekly calendar and about each appt?

My boss is a notorious "hands off" guy. He has always said that you should never worry about your job unless he wants to speak to you weekly. Umm.....uh oh. I can't decide if this is really about my maternity leave or if he's starting the process to manage me out? My territory is going through a lot of changes and it hasn't ever been successful. I feel like I have done a good job, but I don't do all of the little admin things that my boss would like. I have felt slightly concerned in the last year that I might be on his "first to fire" list if he had that list. It probably didn't help my cause that I got pregnant too.

I just feel like such a failure. I have never been managed out before. I haven't ever been laid off or fired. My bosses have always said glowing things about me. I just don't like the feeling that my boss doesn't see me as a good employee. Maybe I am over-thinking it, but this just doesn't feel very good at all. I think I should start looking for a new job over maternity leave, but I don't even know where to start!

A part of me feels like I should just level with him in one of our conversations and ask him if this is a long term thing that I should be concerned with or if he really just wants to be in touch since I'll be on maternity leave. Would he even tell me if I asked? What would you do? This is just not how I wanted to start into my maternity leave and the few weeks before we have our baby, y'know?

 

Mouseygail

it sounds to me more like he understands that at this point, you could be leaving work at any point...and that he wants to ensure that there are no gaps with your clients.  I'm sure I would be likely to take it personally too, if i were you...but from an outsider's position, that's what it sounds like to me!!!  Try not to stress about it!!  or if you are worried...can you talk to him about why he wants this much detail? 

JGirl2005

I think it sounds like they might be managing your or others out.  Don't let it affect you though.  (or the baby).  Work can wait, it sucks and you know something better will come along (if that happens).

I am blunt and my boss knows me well so I would just flat out ask him.  By the way, I have recently...he knows better than to lie to me.  hahaha  But he won't come out and say 'we really aren't happy you are going to be out on maternity leave'.

I would say 'should I be concerned with the weekly meeting'.  Is my job being elimated or am I not performing up to par.  I've been laid off before when the company has gone out of business or my particular office, don't take it personally (i know it is hard because I strive to do my job well).

beebe929

Mouseygail:

it sounds to me more like he understands that at this point, you could be leaving work at any point...and that he wants to ensure that there are no gaps with your clients.  I'm sure I would be likely to take it personally too, if i were you...but from an outsider's position, that's what it sounds like to me!!!  Try not to stress about it!!  or if you are worried...can you talk to him about why he wants this much detail? 

I agree!

DavezWife

who will do your job when you're out?

and could this be purely a business action?  like NOTHING personal, but he can't afford to have your gone? (i.e. he's just protecting the company?)

I get the hurt. I've been in a similar position when, as a mgr,  I let another nurse handle things while I was out, and when I came back from mat leave, she wanted FT and I did not. And I was edged out. In the end, fine by me. But it still stung. I was good at my job.

 

I would do it his way for a few, and see what his motives are. I'm all for frank conversations, but you might be making an emotional decision on something he's not involving emotion in. (remember, guys are odd creatures that can choose between A&B without considering the "feelings" of it. lol)

You are NOT a failure. Things are changing, and that's always scary.

 

kimarino13

JGirl2005:

I think it sounds like they might be managing your or others out.  Don't let it affect you though.  (or the baby).  Work can wait, it sucks and you know something better will come along (if that happens).

I am blunt and my boss knows me well so I would just flat out ask him.  By the way, I have recently...he knows better than to lie to me.  hahaha  But he won't come out and say 'we really aren't happy you are going to be out on maternity leave'.

I would say 'should I be concerned with the weekly meeting'.  Is my job being elimated or am I not performing up to par.  I've been laid off before when the company has gone out of business or my particular office, don't take it personally (i know it is hard because I strive to do my job well).

This.

AvaLikeLava

kimarino13:

JGirl2005:

I think it sounds like they might be managing your or others out.  Don't let it affect you though.  (or the baby).  Work can wait, it sucks and you know something better will come along (if that happens).

I am blunt and my boss knows me well so I would just flat out ask him.  By the way, I have recently...he knows better than to lie to me.  hahaha  But he won't come out and say 'we really aren't happy you are going to be out on maternity leave'.

I would say 'should I be concerned with the weekly meeting'.  Is my job being elimated or am I not performing up to par.  I've been laid off before when the company has gone out of business or my particular office, don't take it personally (i know it is hard because I strive to do my job well).

This.

This on my end too. Coming from a corporate environment, weekly-checkins to go over progress and personal development are typically something that happens when you are put on a professional improvement plan. HOWEVER, it is something that they need to be upfront about. Not something they can spring on you a few months later.

Be up front and ask about the change. If your manager really is trying to keep track of your tasks, so they can be properly delegated while you're away, that's a different type of meeting than what he's presented to you.

Also, this would be a good time to start keeping documentation of what you are doing to meet the requirements of your job. If there is ever a disagreement over what happened, document the who said what/when and keep it around in case that situation ever gets brought up during review. If you feel like you're being improperly targetted because of your pregnancy, you can use this documentation in a case against wrongful termination.

Good luck, and I'm sorry you're going through this.

Irregardless, though, YOU are NOT a failure!!!

LucyPevensie

Urgh!  This is why I could never function in a real corporate environment (I'm in a fake corporate environment right now.)

This kind of thing:

weekly-checkins to go over progress and personal development (Ava not snarking on what you wrote, I just mean in general this type of stuff)

give me hives! 

I agree with the blunt approach.  If he has flat out said "don't worry unless I tell you we need to start having weekly meetings" ... and now is saying "we need to have weekly meetings" - yes, something is up.  Get it clarified - be blunt with him (tactfully, of course) and ask him to be up front with you as far as "what's the deal?"

GL honey!!   You are NOT a failure, by any stretch! 

 

 

JGirl2005

Do you work in the corporate world? What Ava says is exactly what they do to ppl on a PIP that is what we call it at work...exactly what she said. I would start the meeting with 'what is your expectation,result, outcome that you have for these weekly meeting? I know I already commented but after reading what others wrote I wanted to add info

Tryingtogetpregnant

Yes, I work in a very corporate environment. I am in the financial field, so everything is very corporate.....

I am fine with weekly meetings if it is directly related to my maternity leave as he told me it would be. I understand the point of him wanting to be in the loop with my clients and advisors while I am out. I am just more concerned because it felt more like a second review and no strategy for my maternity leave was covered. All of it just took me completely off guard.

My numbers show that I am doing a very good job, but we have had many layoffs in the last two years because of the markets and it wouldn't surprise me if more are to come.......

Thanks for all of your advice! I am going to see how the next couple "meetings" go and then confront him on this if it seems like there is a different motive. And, I am going to start looking for a new job too. Ugh.......