SO PI$$ED off at my MIL.

smilee

OMG... I just got off the phone with my MIL and I am SEETHING right now.

Here is the back story:

Both my parents have passed away, as has DH's Dad ( for whom our child will be named).  As you can imagine, this sucks .  Right off the bat, our child only has one living grandparent. 

So, I wanted to make a small collage to put in the nursery with a few pictures of my parents and Dh's dad alone and with his mom ( she has a live-in boyfriend now, whom I adore, but I want the baby to see pics of his parents together, too).

Now, we are not talking a shrine or a memorial, we are talking a couple of pictures max, but I feel very strongly that I want our child to know about his grandparents.  I want to  share stories, I want to be able to sit in the nursery and show him pictures and tell him  what great people his grandparents were.  For god's sake, me entire past is wrapped up in these people!

So, I asked her is when she gets some spare time, she could try to find a few pics I can make copies of.  She kind of snorted and was a little dismissive.  Then as we were getting off the phone, she mentioned she would look for pics for our "mourning wall".  Are you F'ING  kidding me????????  

I am glad she has made it to be 67 years old with BOTH of her parents still alive and that they got to be a HUGE part of DH's life, but that is not the case for me.  It kills me everyday that my parents will never know are kids and that my mother is not here for this pregnancy, and this is what you say to me?  What is so wrong with me wanting to ensure our child knows his family???  WTF... it was HER husband too! ANd even if it is not something she would do.... So the F what?  Who is she to judge?

I was seeing red... it is times like this that I can't believe that my DH came from that family.  

  

dundasgirl

I have a "mourning fridge".  My Mom and Dad's pictures on there for me to look at all day. 

I am sorry she said that.  Give me a break.

I don't think people realize how unbelievably crappy it is to lose both parents.  Thinking of you:)

MBandBud

Wow.  This was very inconsiderate.  My gut tells me she was responding to her own emotions and her husbands passing and did not realize the impact of your parents not being around.  Hopefully this was just a defense tactic for her.  Doesn't make it right.  So sorry. 

kimarino13

F her.

I am sorry.  That was uncalled for an inappropriate.

ladychicago

for crying out loud...     who says that?!     i'm sorry hon....

piccolina09

Pretty heartless comment, so sorry you have to deal with that.

EastCoastBride

Huh.  She should come to my house where in my basement I have a box w/ my mothers ashes in it and on top is a picture of her.

If you didn't know what it was, you'd never know what was in the box.  But still.....  I know people could be weirded out by that. 

But to your issue- ignore her. I know it's hard, but it's not on her to "get it".  Put together your collage.

On that note, for my 40th, my dad framed a collage he had put together when I was a baby.  It obviously includes a LOT of pics of my mom (who he divorced when I was 6 and he remarried when I was 7).  It's very prominent in our house now, and I hope it doesn't bother my step-mom.  But it is a part of me, my upbringing, and who I am.  I love being able to look at MY baby pics and try to find similarities to my son!

MontyMrs

Smilee, that's just so wrong. I'm sorry honey, I think it's great that you're remembering your boy's grandparents who aren't here.

theworms

That was so inappropriate and heartless.

I'm so sorry she said that to you.  FWIW, I will be doing same thing with DH's mom in our nursery (when I get around to having one).

((HUGS))

eyenerd

I am so sorry.  I think that is a wonderful idea to make a collage.  I would correct her and say "memory wall" if she does it again!

My MIL is difficult and has a way of dampening the mood with her comments.  Try not to let it bother you.  :::::::::i say this as i tossed and turned for over an hour last night thinking of the rude comment my MIL recently said!:::::::: 

dana316

What a horrible thing to say....

I don't like your MIL...

 

MrsJeffsWife2B

Ugh, what a nightmare of a person. You should TOTALLY shame her into realizing how insensitive she is. You should have said something like "The loss of my parents is very painful for me and I'd appreciate that you not making fun of he the idea of me honoring their memory you heinous biotch." Ok, leave out the last part, but you get the idea.. she'd probably be mortified about how bad that makes her look!

qtpa2t

Wow.  How insensitive of her.

roaringrock

omg! where in ny are you? you must come over!

both of my parents (and lovely stepdad) have passed away. dh's father died right when we started dating. ginny has 1 living grandparent and she is HIDEOUS! this past christmas she didn't even bother to send her only grandchild a gift. UGH! I could go on and on and on...

I'm sorry you are dealing with this as well. your MIL sounds just as charming as mine. not fair!

mrsolsenk12

How horrible! I think a memory wall is a great idea. Your parents and DH's dad are a part of you and who you are and who he is and your son has every right to know more and more about them. I hope she provides you with pictures that you can use.

MrsJeffsWife2B

roaringrock:

omg! where in ny are you? you must come over!

both of my parents (and lovely stepdad) have passed away. dh's father died right when we started dating. ginny has 1 living grandparent and she is HIDEOUS! this past christmas she didn't even bother to send her only grandchild a gift. UGH! I could go on and on and on...

I'm sorry you are dealing with this as well. your MIL sounds just as charming as mine. not fair!

She lives right near me, you should come visit us both   But I don't have a living MIL so I can't join that party!

nickoletta100

That was really mean of her to say, sorry about that. I think what you are doing is a lovely idea.

emmyloustu

I love your idea. Screw your MIL. HUGS

mrspresley

I am sorry. you have every right to be mad. how totally insensitive.

desabean

Terrible comment. 

I'm sorry she said it.  I think it is a beautiful idea and it sounds like she's got some unresolved issues (maybe even mourning or grieving to do) around her husband's death.

I think your child will so appreciate photos and stories of his grandparents (maybe not as a child but when he grows up he will cherish the memories of you telling him those stories)  Don't let her pi$$ on your gift to baby Smilee.

CandT

Wow, how insensitive! I think the collage is a great idea! Maybe your DH could talk to her about it.

LucyPevensie

What a repulsive thing for her to say.  I'd be angry too.  I hope she gets a clue and realizes she should apologize.  Stat.

sasa625

That was a horrible thing for her to say! Both my mom and DH's dad have passed away... along with 2 of my grandparents who I was super close with. I haven't done it yet, but I plan on doing something similar in DD's room. We talk to my mom's picture all the time, and I plan on making her a scrapbook so she can get to know her grandma as well I don't think there's anything at all wrong with it.

As someone who understands where you're coming from, I can also relate to the MIL insensitivity. My MIL isn't too bad, but she doesn't get that it hurts me that my mom isn't around to be a grandma. 

AlissaCell701

Sorry I am responding so late. But as someone who also has a parent who has passed away and also has no grandparents it was truly one of the most insensitive things she could of said.  Nobody understands what it is like to lose a parent, until it happens to them. People try and relate and or over compensate (which is my problem with my MIL) and it just gets really complicated. 

I would say go a head and do your collage and try and not let her get in the way. Maybe your DH can see he can get some pictures from her and calm her down. 

alchris

How incredibly insensitive.  I agree that it sounds like she has some of her own issues to work though.  I think the collage is a beautiful idea and I hope it brings smiles and peace to all of you.