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Success after IF
JGirl2005
member
Poll: What is the rudest comment you received (pg, not pg, ttc, kid-related)
JGirl2005
member
What is the rudest comment you ever received?
You can have more than one because I know I do. It could be while you were trying to get pg, while you were pg, or about your child or just in general.
Instead of comment, you can include rudest gift (I am thinking of Marcuej's SIL trying to gift her maternity clothes when she wasn't pregnant).
Also, put if you responded to the rude comment...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Poll: What is the rudest comment you received (pg, not pg, ttc, kid-related)
"Well it can't be DH's issue, He comes from a line of great swimmers"
From the ILs....My response: " you are probably right
"
My cousin " I never understand IF... All I have to do is sit on the toilet seat after DH uses it, and bam"
Stranger: "Why is your baby wearing pink?"
Me: "Because she is a girl."
Stranger: "THAT IS A GIRL????????"
At the time, it really hurt my feelings. DH laughed so hard, but I was close to tears.
"Your pregnant? I thought you were just fat!"
As said to me by an old man one day when I parked in the expectant moms spot. I was friggin 34 weeks PG, he came up and asked me why I was parking there as I was putting the groceries in my trunk. I turned around pointed to my obviously pregnant belly and told him I was PG.
Well, it actually has nothing to do with TTC or kids at all...
I lost about 30lbs right before my wedding (and have kept it off for almost 6 years now). But, my FIL ruined it. "You look great," said the douche with the old man belly. "Before you were a little pudgy."
Kiss my a$$!
"Twins would have been too difficult anyways" after our babies died. I think I was too dumbfounded to reply.
Or the "friend" of my mom that emailed me after we lost the Doodles (like 2 days later) to tell me she "knew how we felt" because she delivered twins at 22 weeks...except despite being a week earlier gestation than the Doodles they were almost twice their size, and one survived with no long term complications other than a mild learning disability. Which isn't to say that she didn't suffer something awful having preemies and having one not survive, but not quite the same as having both die. Oh, and then she told me that it was likely my marriage would fail because few marriages can withstand something as traumatic as losing a child. Awesome.
After my first miscarriage from IVF #1 someone told me: "You should be glad that you miscarriage since God played no part in the conception of your child." (Or something very similar - I have tried to block that memory.)
I literally couldn't think of anything to say.
The one that is on my mind comes from my parents.
DH: "It's a boy"
Parents: "Well, we're really disappointed. We wanted it to be a girl. Oh well."
From DH's Grandmother: "the baby must be growing straight out, your HUGE!"
FIL: I don't want you to find out the gender. Me: Our appt is next week and DH really wants to know. FIL: Well I don't think you should.
DH's Uncle: Are you sure it isn't twins? (this after me showing him the u/s pics)
Jeeze I have a ton and most of them are from the same guy (customer at work)
While TTC - you better jump on that horse a little more, you aren't getting any younger.
While pregnant - Good, now you can be miserable like the rest of us.
After DC was born - he can't be a good baby, you have to be miserable, sleep deprived and hating being a mother (tells you a lot about his views on parenting doesn't it) then when I said no, he really is good, he says let me talk to your husband he will have a different story (he doesn't)
On having another - I said I was one and done. I do not get into why with this asshat. Having just one child is the most selfish thing a person can do.
I do not respond, but he has not had a good drink from me in years. Each time I talk to him his drinks get weaker and weaker.
Someone the other day said I looked pregnant again - I was 3 months pp. My response to him was "thanks, I guess I need to do more sit ups"
After 7 years trying to concieve, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, my third IVF was a success!
My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v705/arriinthere/PJ/?action=view
My friend's mother emailed me after our first miscarriage and said, "now that we know everything is working you just have to work on your karma." She claimed to not know what karma meant after I called her daughter hysterically crying. Three years later I still barely talk to her mother.
Daycare is SO exhausting!
Blog
brideinOC, I had a similar one. The lady that cuts my hair doesn't have english as her first language. She didn't know I was pg. I was on bedrest and never went in. I went in when my son was about 2m and she touched my stomach and said 'are you sure you aren't pg again'. nice...I didn't cry, but I felt like crap the entire day.
My other one: I was also told to be grateful for my child if my current pregnancy didn't work out. That comment really hurt because who says that?!?!?! I didn't respond.
When I was going through IVF, my coworker (a guy) said it in front of a bunch of people 'she is trying to get pg but doing bad things to get there'. I was so embarrased and didn't respond. I am sure my other coworkers thought I was doing something illegal.
My BIL: 'I'll attend your child's baptism when he is isn't doing an infant baptism'. He said it much ruder, but I can't remember exactly what he said.
This one is just in general:
"So what does it feel like to be hired for your race instead of your qualifications?"
Um...
I don't know, I'm pretty good at not remembering this kind of stuff.
I got lots of "you don't look pg" or "no way you're pg" or "you're too small for x weeks" in both pgcies. At birthing class when I was pg with DS (I was due 11/15) we were in the halls talking and a woman comes up to me to chat and says "are you SURE you're due in Nov.? You look like you're due in Jan." She was honestly concerned, and then she wanted an explanation. I think she thought my OB somehow misdated my pgcy by 2 months.
I guess that really shouldn't have bothered me, but it did.
Wow, how are ppl so rude!
Karma and m/c. WTH?
Can't handle twins - WTF?
I think it is rude when anyone asks 'are you sure it isn't twins'. Geez...
I've was told several times that DS must be a girl since he has long eyelashes.
Oh I was told at the grocery store by the clerk when DS made an ugly face to the 18yo girl. She said 'you know....your baby really might be evil'. She was totally serious.
I'm so sorry that people have been so rude to you ladies. Gee, people suck.
Mine is way more superficial:
My mom on Thanksgiving when I was 37 weeks pg: Why are you trying to squeeze into that little sweater (after I had spent literally an hour trying to find something to "squeeze" in to)?
Then my mom 4 days pp as I was wearing a "normal" t-shirt: "Why are you always trying to wear clothes that are way too small?"
Schmoodle, ouch! I can't believe that lady regarding knowing what you are going through...
'Oh lady thanks, not only am I grieving over losing two children, but now I have to worry about a failing marriage. Thanks for the insight!'
Someone on here was told : 'good thing you had a m/c because the baby might have had fangs or horns'. Was that jennie6879?
I was told something similar after my m/c.
Really, babies could have fangs...
Let's see... old coworker that was at lunch with me while I was visiting some other coworkers that I was closer with and they were asking about us trying to get pregnant. I was telling them we were having trouble and a-hole coworker jumped in and asked if DH needed instructions on how to have sex.
The other was unintentional, but while my dog was at the vet, the vet asked me when I was due. Like the day after I found out either IUI #5 or #6 had failed. That stung pretty bad.
BFP with no treatment!
I forgot this doozy!
Our neighbor who is a total ASSHAT ( I am dear friends with his wife though) asked DH if he wanted him to show him how it's done... insinuating a swap..... To knock me up.....
This! I havn't really gotten any or maybe people are just talking about me behind my back!!
Yesterday thought..DH left early from work to help me get ready for Passover Sader.and his boss said 'Why do you need to leave early" DH said cause we are hosting dinner..
She said again well.."Your not Jewish so it really isn't a holiday for you and can't Alissa just do it??"
DH said "No,.she is 5 months pg is doing all the cooking and (he was coming home like 2 hrs early to help clean) I know I am not Jewish but this is important to my wife so it is important to me.." said boss didn't really have much to say after that...
This was said to friend from our internal medicine doctor:
Friend to doctor during appt: "We are thinking of trying to get PG again"
Doctor: "Well, be prepared to get an abortion considering your age" (she was 38).
I was seeing the same internal medicine doctor until she told me that. I had to switch after that comment.
I don't eat genetically modified food, so why would I want a genitically modified baby.
Said by my SIL about IVF.
From my oh so wonderful SIL:
Me: "We had an ultrasound today (at 6 weeks) and things aren't looking great (the pregnancy I ultimately miscarried)"
SIL: "Well, put it into perspective Lisa. Those of us who got pregnant naturally wouldn't have even had an ultrasound yet."
Put this into perspective you shrew. You have two beautiful daughters and this was my 4th IVF.
The rudest comment I ever received, though, was after I had my lasik surgery. I was out at a bar with some friends and they were saying how good I looked and this guy sitting near us said, under his breath "doesn't matter, you're still fat". Lovely.
Rudest comment while TTC:
"Friend"--"Maybe your're not meant to have a child".
"Me"- "Maybe you're not meant to have an opinion"
Sigh.
Second Rudest comment: when PG
Background- we didn't find out the gender. US 4d pic shown to MIL
MIL- "I hope it's a boy...that nose!" (she has said this at least 4 times)
Me- "I love that nose...I worked hard for that nose"
Sigh.
My mom when we announced I was pregnant the day after gradation: See it is all about timing. The last 2 years just wernt the right time. (thanks mom it could have nothing to do with dropping 40 lbs and taking clomid)
While sitting in the OBs-"wow you are HUGE. You are going to pop any day" me- "no hopefully I have 13 weeks left" her-"how many are in there" me-"well 2 actually" her- "whew I thought you were going to say 8 like that octo lady"
Not really mean but stupid: Said at my baby shower by a staff of the establishment "who is having the baby" "(I turn to show my huge belly" Me this is my shower for my babies" " OHHHHH 2 so they might be twins" (yep lady they might be)
upon announcing it is twins: "Now you can be done"
I could go on forever.
WOW!!! some people really suck! ouch!
the rudest thing EVER that I can recall was when I cooked an entire turkey thanksgiving dinner (I'm vegetarian) for my MIL (a week after moving into a new place) and she said...
"I will NOT love you until you start going to church."
nice.
2 infertiles' journey to 2 pink lines (and a baby girl)
"our IF story"
If you can't get pregnant naturally then there is a reason you just weren't meant to have kids...this was said to me at lunch at work...no one knew about our issues, but everyone at the table agreed....If you can't do it on your own, you shouldn't.
F them.
From a stranger at the mall when I was 4 months postpartum. She looked at my stomach and said "So, are we having another one or is that just from having him?" (I was NOT pregnant with another one at that point).
And this is a bad one, but on my birthday, two months after DS was born, when I had gotten dressed up for the first time since DS was born and blow dried my hair. FROM MY DH!!!!:
Me: "Can you take a picture of me and James?"
DH: "Can't. We don't have a wide-angle lens." (Trying to make a very unfunny joke about my weight).
I have so many over the years. We don't share our IF journey and no one knows we did IVF, mainly for religious reasons we don't share.
My mom (who is very religious) said maybe God wasn't allowing me to get pregnant because he didn't want a child to come into our home since I'm Catholic and my DH isn't. Maybe we'd get PG if DH converted.
My mom again - Maybe you should take a vacation to CO, I've heard the altitude there can help. Right...isn't that where one of the best fertility clinics is located?
Coworker - Are you sure you aren't having twins?
Coworker - just talking in general stating to anyone who would listen, I don't know why people waste money on IVF, they should just adopt.
neighbor after I miscarried the first time - She brought me over some "How to get pregnant" books and told me just to leave them on the nightstand and I'd get pg again. WOW.
Only months after delivering my dead baby, I was in a wedding for someone who is NOT my favorite person. It was a sunny day and as people kept commenting on the weather she said, "I know I've been praying all week. I promised god my first born child. haha". I heard her say this 3 times before I snapped at her. Then I heard someone else mutter under his breath "get over it".
Also, after we lost our son we got all the "it must not have been meant to be" and "gods plan" and all that crap. But one of DH's coworkers told him this was probably better so I could focus on my job more.
My sister and I are 8 yrs apart. During a summer, she worked in my office as a temp (helped w/ filing and such). As we left for the day (I was 26, so she was 18), we get on the elevator and a lady looks at us for along time, and anxiously screams out "Mother / Daughter! Right?"
My sister and I just looked at each other in awe, and I just said "or sisters?!"
This happened 2 days before my 26th bday so I was horrified! How old do I really look? Mind you, I'm 29 now, and still get carded! Strange lady.
"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane" -- Jimmy Buffett
I read all your stories and it is just sad that ppl don't think. There are some really rude comments or stupid ones.
Hugs. PPL should never say 'oh it is for the best' on a m/c...
"When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents enjoyment of their babies, it's rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep." ~ James McKenna, Ph.D., Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Center, University of Notre Dame
Mine is not nearly as bad as everyone elses, but I was just insulted by the tone of my comment, and the insinuation that there was no way we could have been trying for #2.
After I got my surprise BFP (I had weaned to TTC again, but hadn't gotten a ppAF - so we were "trying" but really didn't have a clue as to the timing), and I called my OBs office to tell them.
Nurse - When was your LMP?
Me - Didn't have one post partum, just weaned from bfing.
Nurse (said rudely) - Well, were you only using nursing as your birth control, because you know that doesn't always work?!
Me - No, we were using our infertility as birth control. And actually were were TTC again.