Anyone else's DH pushing for "achievement"

KateLouise

Not sure if this is a good place to post, but you ladies seem to have sound thoughts...

So our baby seems to be naturally quite strong. I'm not bragging, it's just that at 9 weeks old everyone comments on her neck and back strength.

So that's fine, that's how she is and she's started rolling over.

Now DH seems to be gung-ho to push her to progress further.

We have a book that has age appropriate "exercises" that a local organisation gives to new mums. It has everything from tummy time and baby massage to things to do with toddlers.

So he starts looking at the 4mth exercises and starts organising LO to do them. I'm like, "what are you doing she's 9 weeks" and he's all, "yes but she's much stronger than her age, she's ready for this."

So I basically put my foot down and said, that she'll progress in her own time and that it's not a race. 

Anyone else facing this kind of thing. I love that he wants to engage with her and is proud of her but I can see his competitive side coming out. He always asks me what the other babies in the parent group I go to are doing etc etc. 

 

tak2002

I'd say that unless he's pushing her too far, just let it go. I think it's hard for some men to bond with babies because they don't "do" anything. As long as she's actually able to do the things he trying with her and it's not going to hurt her I don't see the harm in it. If she's 9 weeks and he has her doing the 4 month stuff she's it's only a few weeks ahead

KateLouise

Yeah you're probbaly right, I guess I'm just of the, "babies will sort everything out in their own sweet time" school of thought as long you give them opportunities to move on their own.

Tonya_G

While I agree that maybe this is his way of engaging and interacting with her, I think your mommy instincts are right on cue- he needs to pull back a bit. She's just a baby now, but if this is how he acts when she's learning to roll and sit up, it's going to be a rough go for her when she's learning to play a sport or something in which there really is competition. I'd gently put him in his place and remind him that she'll get to where she's going on her own time, and that what other people's babies do doesn't really matter, because they're not her. Then give him a replacement behavior, so he can engage and interact with her w/out pushing her limits.

KateLouise

I hadn't actually thought about what habit he was building for how he engages with her for the future.

I was purely thinking about the natural progression of babies and how their safety and body is bets looked after when they progress at their own pace. 

EmmieB

Tonya_G:

While I agree that maybe this is his way of engaging and interacting with her, I think your mommy instincts are right on cue- he needs to pull back a bit. She's just a baby now, but if this is how he acts when she's learning to roll and sit up, it's going to be a rough go for her when she's learning to play a sport or something in which there really is competition. I'd gently put him in his place and remind him that she'll get to where she's going on her own time, and that what other people's babies do doesn't really matter, because they're not her. Then give him a replacement behavior, so he can engage and interact with her w/out pushing her limits.

I read somewhere that it's important not to push babies too far - or to do things for them so that it "Happens faster" - like if she's *almost* rolling over, to just "help" her - because it robs the baby of the first seeds of that "I can do it!" confidence. so if he's rushing past her accomplishments in search of the next one - it's setting up bad habits for him and setting the stage for her to feel like she's not good enough. 

I agree with Tonya - gentle replacements are a good way to go. 

unsolicited advice - i have the first four baby signing time dvds and i sing the songs on them to bunny every day. We have 45 minutes of daily singing time, and bunny loves it. I'm singing and I'm doing interesting things he can watch - and eventually he'll sign back to me. Maybe something like that would be a good father/daughter activity?

cubits

I love the idea of having him teach her to sign.  Its never too early to start and then he'd having something to show off when she starts signing back (around 6 months).

JulieandBen

I would tell my husband (and I have) that I'm enjoying my baby being a baby. Please don't try to jump past this precious time by pushing her into older exercises and movements. Allow her to progress on her own.

cindy453

I don't interfere with DH's time with E unless I think it's something that could hurt her. I would perhaps joke with him about laying off the competition, but I think all parents do it to some extent.

mrstarawalsh

DH does with DS and I don't mind it. As long as he doesn't do anything to harm him or push too far its a ok with me. DS is very advanced in his gross motor skills and we encourage it while making it fun and non demanding. I just see it as nurturing his natural skills. You probably wouldn't have a problem with it if it were cognitive skills like language, would you?

KateLouise

I suppose I really like Magda Gerber's ideas around physical development and trusting the child to develop skills as their body is ready and how that encourages physical safety, trust, and confidence.

I don't see cognitive development as being dangerous. A baby will engage with something or will get bored and look away. Today I read LO a story and lay on my back beside her so she could see the pictures. Did she understand any of the words? No. Did she like the pictures? I don't think so. I think she just liked looking at the text because it was black on white and listening to my voice.