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Preemies
Jealousy...
My sister-in-law and brother-in-law had their baby this morning. I am so excited to be an aunt. But I cannot help but feel extremely jealous of the fact that she had an easy birth, held her baby right away, will be taking her home in a day or two, and has lots of family at the hospital getting to see the baby right away.
Do these feelings ever subside? It's still sorta new for me considering DD is only 4 months but I am so jealous of her. I'm sure youy ladies understand. I wouldn't give up anything about my DD and how lucky I am that she did so well in the NICU and only spent 3 weeks there but I can't help but wish I just had a normal birthing experience.
Anyone else feel this way? I have lots of family and friends PG right now and it just brings back all the memories.
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Re: Jealousy...
Yup. DH's cousin found out they were having twins right after we lost Jack. That was VERY hard to deal with. And I was very happy for them, but it took a long time to be able to be around them. I also skipped going to their baby shower and mailed them a BRU gift card because I knew that I would cry and I didn't want to take attention away from them.
Take your time. Things do slowly get better!
jealousy is so relative. i would have chopped off one of my legs to have had a 34 weeker (DD was born at 28 weeks, 3 days & was in the NICU for 13 weeks).
i think it takes a long time for the feelings to fade. i am still very bitter & very jealous of people with full term births. in addition, i lost 4 babies before having stella so i am also bitter about that.
hang in there.
Yes, I know what you mean.
I had three friends all have babies recently and my stepSIL is due in May. I feel jealous that they don't have to spend the better part of a day on the phone with aetna special care pharmacy, they don't have apnea monitors, they don't have the RSV fear, and they got to BRING THEIR BABY HOME WITH THEM.
Especially when they hold Olivia and comment on how tiny she is, she isn't that small- she was 6lbs 1oz at birth (34 weeker)- she could have been a lot smaller.
And the thing I hate the most? When they would say things like "Get this baby out of me" etc. when they were like, 30 weeks.
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Totally! My 27-weeker is 3 1/2 years old and I still get a little jealous, and a little bit annoyed when people take their perfect birth for granted. I've had tons of friends and family have babies since my daughter was born. The jealousy is very slight if I get it any more, but I think I'll always be a little envious that others can have such easy births and perfect babies.
On the other hand, I get very angry when people take stupid risks while they're pregnant, or say things like "yeah, I'm going to deliver at home with my midwife. If something goes wrong and the baby dies then I guess it was just meant to be that way." AHHHH!! Now that kills me. How stupid can you be?
Anyway, it's okay to feel a bit jealous right now. I've also felt much happier for my friends and family who have healthy babies because I appreciate the miracle so much more.
good point...I need to get over myself sometimes and remember how lucky I really am.
This!
I had my twins at 29 weeks and my sister also had her twins exactly one month after me and they were 37 weeks. I don't remember feeling jealous of her but I did feel like I was cheated out of my last two months of being pregnant. I was angry that I could not do more for my babies. But I have to say I honestly still feel no jealously but I do hate the fact that my babies and her babies will be compared for a long long time and my babies will of course be behind at first. I'm not jealous of the fact that they will be behind but I dont like that people dont understand exactly why.. I feel like a lot of people don't understand exactly what it is to have a preemie baby. I guess I didnt either until I had my own twins born at 29 weeks. Maybe I'm not jealous of her because my twins did extreamly well in the NICU and had a very short stay of 44 and 49 days and came home with no medication and no oxygen? Maybe because I'm close to my sister and I love her and her babies? I don't know but reading most of these posts makes me feel like I should have been jealous.
My twins Benjamin and Olivia
This. I also try not to dwell on what I may or may not have missed out on...if I spend too much time thinking about that, there's a good chance I'll miss out on something NOW.
unfortunately i can relate. for me it's not so much jealousy, but just sadness or a sense of missing. infertility and 2 ivfs and a pregnancy spent in fear (and in bed 5 mos), and no cozy birth experience, and not taking girls home with me and trouble with bfing, and chaos w/nb twins. oye vey. it can feel like a big pity party sometimes.
i really only get jealous or p/o'd when people don't appreciate how easy all that is for them. also, i understand many have it harder than i did!
hang in there... as baby gets older her joy and personality will just fill you up.
I try and be grateful - I am so blessed to have my son, but jealousy still sneaks up on me. DS didn't walk until 19 months, and has a global developmental delay, due at least in part to being premature. I sometimes feel like not only did I not get to experience a regular birth, I now don't get to experience a normal infancy or toddlerhood....
My son is the light of my life though, and I am truly blessed to have him.
Ohhh yeah I've been jealous, and angry and felt sorrow, and depressed and all of it. For me it did get better. I look at what's happened as something that definately has inflicted some wounds. I know those wounds will always be a part of me, but they're healing, and are less noticable and it's ok.
For me a big thing that helped was my faith. Now don't get me wrong, it had some major bumps and I did some real yelling at God. But in the end I made peace with everything and these are some of the big revolutions that helped.
I feel that we were chosen to be Evan's parents. I feel God knew that this wouldn't be perfect, it was going to be hard. He knew Evan needed parents who would fight for him, love him furiously, who would be able to manage all of the medical stuff and the therapists and you know, you're all doing it. So all those parents who have it easier, but neglect themselves, don't realize what they have.....they wouldn't have been the best parents for Evan. I'm not sure if I'm saying this well, ......It helped me to believe that God knows what he's doing, and has matched us as parents with this child who comes with a more difficult experience. He knew this was a good fit, a rough road, yes, but it's our road. I count my blessings, pray for those who have it rougher, and congratulate those who have it easier, and try not to compare......just stick to my road.
It helped me to not get angry at others about their thoughts/feelings/emotions they have out of ignorance because I wish I could live there in their ignorance. I try to educate the ignorance when needed. I made peace with those people by reminding myself that they're not intentionally rude, they're just under educated, and I can help educate them. We can all help educate people and increase the awareness and understanding in the societies we live in....right?
Like I said, I still have scars, and always will, I think we all will, but maybe our scars make us who we are, build our character........it's just hard to accept them.
I'm not as much jealous as I am sad.
I hate to admit this, but I didn't talk to my best friend for a good portion of my pregnancy. First, she was pregnant with baby #2 and I had been "lapped" by her. Her dh looks at her and she gets knocked up. I struggled for 18 months to get pregnant. She has blissfully easy pregnancies. I ended up with a blood clot and had to give myself injections every day. She had very typical l&ds with both of her babies. I went into pre-term labor without even knowing I was in labor. I was going to my 6 week pp check-up when she was having her baby, who was due 10 days before mine.
I'm sad that I won't ever have the 'oops' baby like her first was, I won't ever have the easy, normal pregnancy like she does. And I'm reminded of it every time I talk to her-she's talking about how they are going to try for baby #3 this fall and I'm still waivering on whether I want to go through all of this again!
I had a feeling of this tonight while walking into the hospital for, what felt like the thousandth time, and saw a lady being wheeled out to her car, baby already in the car in it's carseat. I almost started to cry on the way in, but I pulled it together.
I am extreemly happy that there are more healthy babies leaving the hospital than staying in the nursery but I do wish I had a normal birth. This was not an easy process, but I also have a very healthy preemie. I am fortunate that he is doing so well.
I think it's okay to have our moments.