Maternity leave and other issues.....

BennyL

Repost from "Working Moms" board.

Hi ladies,

My sweet LO was born a year ago and my co-workers and boss were amazingly supportive....showered me with gifts, came by our house with meals....just wonderful...I am still very grateful and humbled for all the care and concern we got.

However, on more than one occassion (including at lunch last week), everyone was talking about a lady who had 2 under 2 and how crazy they thought she was to have 2 in diapers; asking how irresponsible people can be etc. One co-worker said "I would NEVER do that" because it is unfair to the first child and it is hard on a woman's body. One said, "who does that?!
I was especially annoyed about the comments because I'm due in November. I was on the pill so we DH and I were super surprised.

What exactly should I say to my boss? She has a baby who is always sick and she was great about me pumping at work...but I just don't know how she will react. The other issue is that I have exhausted all my PTO between us going to visit family over Christmas and DS being very sick at different times. So I don't even have PTO to go to my prenatal appointments. DH has been taking DS to all his appointments. 

I am just super overwhelmed right now. There are a lot of other things going on with our family and I feel stressed. The other issue I have is how to handle people's comments in the office. Honestly, I just didn't know that there was such disdain in my office for people have 2 under 2.

Thanks so much ladies...any suggestions would be appreciated!!!!

firsttogo

I would not even let anyone in on the fact that your BC did not work. People "use" that all the time, and it sounds to others like "I did not take my pill as instructed" ect. Even thought that is not what you are saying.

Just remain confident in your family, and how it is growing! If people make snide remarks, just say something like "I guess it is not for everyone, we are happy with our choice" or something to that effect. You could also go with the whole, they will be so close, and get along, you will have them both in diapers, but you are not starting over with a NB.... Those are All I can come up with. 

I am sorry that you feel this way in your own job! That is terrible. 

moonfaerie

The best way to deal with the boss is to be straightforward. Along the lines of "I'm pregnant and due on ____. As of now, I plan to take eight weeks off."

My boss is not going to be happy when I break my news of #2. He is somewhat ticked that I'm taking vacation in May and am almost out of PTO, but FI and I are going on a honeymoon anyway. I do not plan to tell him about my pregnancy until I return so that I don't make things more miserable for myself in the coming weeks.

As for those with their nasty comments, I pretty much have a who gives a f**k what you think attitude. The people I care about will be happy for me. The rest can shove it. They can say what they want and it will probably piss me off at the moment but overall FI and I are very excited to be expecting so I can't let them bother me.

Roco&Leche

people are idiots.  Its not like you are 16, on public aid and unprepared.  You are a grown person and even though there will be challenges, such is life.

I never thought I would have 2 under 2 and now we are having 3 under 3.  Not ideal but worst things have happened.  I have heard comments from "are you keeping the baby?" to "how can you afford it" and "you are selfish".

At the end I say, "better now than later" and "it wont kill me".  Tons of positives have come from having my little ones so close.  They keep each other company, they enjoy the same toys and books.  And activities are easy to plan cause we dont have various age groups to plan around.

I agree that it may not be for everyone, but I do believe everything happens for a reason so try seeing the glass full vs half empty.

moonfaerie

Roco&Leche:

 I have heard comments from "are you keeping the baby?" to "how can you afford it" and "you are selfish".

I cannot believe the things some people say.