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loveumike

DD was evaluated earlier this month for her gross motor skills.  They hadn't advanced since 10 months.  Turns out she is severely delayed and has the gross motor skills of an 11 month old.  She started PT this week.

I know someday she will walk, it will just take time.  I am just having such a tough time emotionally and don't feel like I have anyone to turn to.  Everyone tells me I am being ridiculous and am just being a "first time mom".  This has made me downplay my feelings which has lead me to a very dark place (I am in therapy). 

How do you get through the emotional aspect?  I try so hard to focus on all the great things she does do but the big thing she doesn't do, stares me in the face daily. 

futrkingsley

I'm sorry you aren't getting the support you need from your friends and family.  That sucks.  I've been there.

My DS walks, but had delayed speech.  He is now receiving speech therapy.  As we waited for him to make progress on his expressive communication, our friends and family told me I was being silly.  That boys talk later.  That he wasn't delayed.  Blah blah blah.  He had no words (not one) at almost 18 months.  And his lack of speech hit me every day too.  His inability to communicate was so hard. 

I focused on the things I could do.  I was doing everything possible to get him the help he needed.  I was encouraging him daily.  I read to him and talked to him and name everything under the sun.  Those were the things I could do that might help. 

Good luck!

Sobachka

I am so sorry you are going through this. And unfortunately most of the ladies on this board have been in your shoes. My only advice is to go with your gut. If something is wrong, it is probably worth checking out.

As for how to deal, here is what I tried:

1. Honestly, wine. Was good for teh first couple of times because it took the edge off. Hish risk for long temr use.

2. Medication. This did not work because I think it was wrong for my body chemistry. I had very clear mind though and was super productive at work, but I also got some scary morbid thoughts going. If you do try this route, work with your Dr. You need to follow up with them and work on getting the right meds.

3. Therapy : group, 1:1. I found some SN Yahoo groups and met a couple of people IRL. Worked OK, no side effects. But they are real people too. Can give good advice, but can lead you in the wrong direction.

4. Contacting state and private resources (EI, PT, etc) and making a plan of actions with them: set goals and regularly check the progress.

5. Me-time. Spending time with family and friends and NOT talking about your LO. Massage? Spa? Whatever gets you going.

I am sure I am forgetting things, but hope this helps. It is a tough place to be in, but keep fighting.

skittles_123

First of all you are not being ridiculous. What you are feeling is normal. When I first learned of my ds dx, it was a very difficult time for me emotionally. Still today, a year later, somedays I cry and wonder "why me, why my son?" But you know, you become a stronger person because of it. You don't take for granted certain things. Every conversation I have with my ds is golden, as he has a hard time with those. You learn to appreciate things more.

Bottom, line is, she is your daughter, she is not this disability she has right now.Yeah, my ds may be autistic, but he is still my ds, and I love him just the same as I do my typical dd. My ds has been in some type of therapy for at least a year and a half and he has made so much progress. You are just getting started, so watch out, your dd will surprise you and do things you never thought possible! It is hard to see that now, but you are just going through a grief phase right now and you have come to the perfect place. Everyone here is wonderful and has been through what you have. I came here before I thought anything was really wrong with my ds. They keep me sane and logical here. They are my support group, per se.

You are a great mom for getting the help she needs so early. And don't forget to take time for yourself. We all need it!

loveumike

Thank you ladies!  I am glad to finally have a place where I will get suport. 

The mani/pedi/no baby talk is on Saturday.  Therapy is tonight and I started exercising again (time for me) on Sunday.  I have to get out of this bad place and truly enjoy DD. 

bugmommy

I think a lot of people try to down play what's going on because they don't want it to be true, both for your sake and theirs.  A lot of times people don't know what to say when you start talking about delays, particularly those that aren't obvious.  I'm sure that you've heard a billion stories from people you know that all start something like "oh, don't worry, Sally's cousin didn't walk till he was 4 and he's fine."  I remember those people actually really hurt me because they made me feel like I didn't know what the heck I was doing as a mother. 

I think therapy and exercise is a great place to start.  I try to limit the amount of time that I do research or reading to specific times or days.  I find I'm much more productive this way and don't spend all my time freaking myself out over every think I find online.  For me it limits my anxiety.  Medication can be your friend.  I also have certain times of day that I refuse to do anything therapy related (at least one, possible 2 of my DSs have autism) - I don't correct speech, I don't try to teach them anything, I just enjoy them.  We tickle, read books, feed each other food, whatever.  It reminds me why I got into this gig

duchess0727

I think therapy and exercise are a great start.  I don't go to therapy but probably should.  Just can't fit it into the schedule these days.  I work full time - honestly some days it's what keeps me sane.  The other days it's my daughter's beautiful smile and giggle.  It is really hard to see your daughter struggle so hard to do the things that come so easily to other kids.  But I guess I try to focus on the fact that she doesn't understand that yet and I want to enjoy the happy time we have before she does.  The other posters have some great ideas.  Hope it all helps just a little bit.

suzymarie

loveumike:

  Everyone tells me I am being ridiculous and am just being a "first time mom".  This has made me downplay my feelings which has lead me to a very dark place (I am in therapy). 

I had this experience too.  I even had DS eval'ed by EI against the opinion of my pedi.  DS "passed" (not delayed enough) his first eval, but they re-eval'ed 3 months later and he qualified.  I felt very justified bc I knew something was "off" even though no one else seemed to agree.  Later on a family friend who is a pedi (not our pedi) shared with me that he had concerns but didn't want to say anything at the time. 

Now, 2 years later, DS is still in therapy (speech now instead of OT and PT) and he is making good progress, though still delayed.  Trust me you will get through this and it WILL get better.  In the meantime, work with your therapist, or get support online, or whatever you need to do, to figure things out.