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Austin Babies
s-a-r-a-h
member
Am I overreacting? (Long)
s-a-r-a-h
member
FIL and soon-to-be SMIL started watching H on Tuesday since I went back to work. Yesterday was fine for the most part. However, after today, I'm definitely frustrated about a few things. Here's an abbreviated list:
-H gets the hiccups a lot. SMIL swears that sugar water cures them. DH said she had sugar on her cheek when he picked her up today. Maybe they missed the part on the instructions I left them about ONLY feeding her breastmilk. I don't recall giving them permission to give sugar to my child. I'm sure it's just a small amount, and I know she has good intentions, but I don't think a three-month old needs sugar to "cure" her hiccups. They don't bother her, so leave her alone.
-We CD and also use cloth wipes. I included some disposable wipes in the diaper bag for emergencies. They used one cloth wipe. And proceeded to leave the disposable wipes balled up in the cloth diapers. Oh, and I also found a burp rag in there. It's now a poop rag. Lovely.
-I told them they could use the Flip cloth diaper covers again if no poop gets on them. Yeah, I found a perfectly good diaper cover in the bag with the dirty diapers.
-SMIL wants us to send extra milk because she thinks H is spitting up too much and needs more milk (which she'll inevitably spit up again anyway). The pedi says she should get between 20-28 ounces of milk a day and should eat 4-5 oz. every 3-4 hours. We send three 4.5-5 oz. bottles a day and she eats around 9:00, 12:30 and 4:00 (and I pump the next day's bottles at work during these times). She also BFs before we take her to FILs and before she goes down for the night (around 7 or 8). During these five feedings, I estimate she's probably getting around 24 ounces a day (not counting what she spits up though). She's gaining weight and has plenty of wet/poopy diapers. She doesn't seem to still be hungry after we feed her at home. So I'm torn about sending more milk (which I'll have to get from my 11 p.m. pump session...I freeze this milk for my stash).
I'm sure most of these issues will be worked out in time (while they're getting used to the cloth diapers) but I'm putting my foot down about the sugar thing. Do y'all think I should send more milk? I don't want to starve my child, but I also don't want to overfeed her.
I'm sure a lot of my frustration is coming from the fact that I have my way of doing things and I just want them to follow my instructions. I think I'm also a little sad that I can't be there to still take care of her during the day. 
ETA: I should add that I don't think SMIL is giving her a bottle of sugar water or anything (at least I hope not). I think she's just dipping her fingers in it and letting H suck on them. Still not okay in my book though.
Also, I really do appreciate them watching her and know she's in good hands. And y'all are right about there being a learning curve. I'm sure things will get better.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Am I overreacting? (Long)
I'm obviously not a mom... but my gut feeling would be to not send more milk. I would be a bit concerned that they're using the food to soothe her when she's not hungry.
I would totally put my foot down about the sugar. No way. She's not their kid - so you get to set the rules. The cloth dipaers, hopefully they'll adjust to.
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I would send more milk. Feeding a baby is always my first option when they are cranky. I don't believe you can overfeed a baby. They'll either refuse it, or just spit it up. No harm either way. And I would always want to be prepared just-in-case...so I would definitely want them to have extra on hand. Maybe send a can of formula or a freezer stash for the 'just in case'.
The sugar...I think that's kind of funny. It won't hurt her, I gave my kids Karo syrup for constipation by three months old. But I would ask them to please not make it a regular thing. She gets the hiccups, she's fine, she doesn't need sugar every day
Its okay to be frustrated. I got frustrated even when DH would do things differently than I wanted! But you know that they are taking good care of her, so try to not let it bother you too much. It will get easier ::hugs::
Definitely put your foot down about the sugar water. That's stupid. If they are adamant about wanting to give her something to make the hiccups go away, pack some GripeWater in her diaper bag or something.
If you want them to use CD's, then don't include disposable diapers/wipes. If you're worried about emergencies, then just send more CD's/wipes.
I know that if my MIL/FIL had a choice between CD's and disposables, they would choose the disposables every.single.time. Just eliminate the option. I would, however, gently urge them not to use a burp cloth as a wipe because that's just gross. I would also let it go about the Flip diaper cover and give them time to get used to the CD's.
Trust your gut on the milk issue. Ditto shanwalk that they may be giving her milk to soothe her when she's not hungry (I know my MIL does this). It sounds like she's getting enough to eat already.
I would probably tell your FIL/SMIL that you want to give it a week or so before you start making any changes on the amount of food you're bringing. Give everyone time to settle into a routine. It has only been a couple days since they started watching her so there will obviously be a learning curve for all of you.
Good luck!!
Yeah, I tried to do this today and DH made me put them back in the diaper bag.
I would not send more milk. If she's eating well and growing, she's getting enough. If she's acting like she's hungry - or when you pick her up she's voracious, then send more bottles. But otherwise, she's fine.
I would talk to them about the sugar water. And remind them about the diapers. They are probably overwhelmed w/ the cloth diapers and wipes and aren't really aware of the things you mentioned.
I agree with Ali-1411. I would send more milk, not alot more, just maybe 2 more ozs or something like that. I also believe you can never overfeed a baby at this point. I too was unsure until my Pedi told me the same thing. My LO just won't take it if he is not hungry. However I do understand that you are EBF so every drop of BM is like GOLD!! So I would seriously have a talk with the IL's and say only use the extra milk if you feel she is really hungry and that she will finish it. Maybe it could be used as a little snack for her between the noon and 4 feeding. I know it's hard to analyze sometimes but I guess try to get the point across to not be using a bottle to soother her that's what pacifiers are for.
Either way this is all new for all parties involved. Give it time for everyone to adjust, even yourself. I know what you feel when you have your way of doing things and others have their way, like my MIL. But when it comes down to it everyone loves your LO and everyone will adjust and settle into a routine that is will be perfect for your LO.
I would find someone else to watch my LO. I have a nanny with a totally different parenting style for her own children, but she follows my style completely when caring for my child. It's family who tends to step boundaries and do things their way. EBF and CD just fly over the heads of a lot of people, especially our parents' generation.
I agree that you should let the CD issues go until you deal with the issues that might have an effect on your LO. I don't agree that spitting up means too much milk. My LO spit up a ton her first 6 months of life because she had reflux. So, she was hungry a lot because she only digested a portion of the milk I fed her. I would hate to think of my LO being remotely hungry while I'm away.
The sugar water thing is the most concerning. Your BF LO shouldn't even be drinking any water at this point and definitely shouldn't be having sugar.
I know it is hard to find the right care for your LO. Best of luck resolving things.
I totally understand your frustrations...no one can take care of our baby like we can
As for the milk thing, what about sending a few ounces of frozen. Give them specific instructions that she is to eat her bottles every 3-4 hours and that the frozen is just there in case she eats all that and NOTHING else will calm her. If they use it every day, I'd have a conversation with them about it...she may genuinely be hungry. I too don't think you can overfeed her right now. I had a baby who spit up TONS...I don't believe it's from getting too much milk. I think it's just something some babies have to deal with while others don't as much. I watch kids from home and I always like to have a little stash of frozen milk (or extra formula) just in case.
I would totally say something about the sugar water. I would have flipped, honestly. They need to understand that they are just the caregivers during the daytime hours. They are not her parents and they do not get to make any decisions about what she should/should not eat. I'd nip that in the bud now - if they're like my in-laws, I'd be worried about them giving her things I didn't want her to have later on down the line (juice, sodas, ice cream, etc).
Give it some time...I'm sure y'all will get it worked out
This is, unfortunately, one of the hardest parts about having a family member watch your child - although I'm not bashing it - I LOVE having a family member watch my child (there are a ton of benefits of it)!
I've found that certain things need to be dealt with immediately - such as the sugar water. Talk to your FIL/SMIL about why you don't want them to give it to your daughter - I'm sure they'll happily comply. Just provide an alternate solution. Things have changed drastically since they were raising a baby - there is a new learning curve!
Heck, my SIL watches my son and her youngest child is 3 and things have even changed in those three years so sometimes she laughs when she hears about some of our pediatrician's recommendations. Just keep your FIL/SMIL informed.
I've also learned that sometimes you have to let some things go. CD'ing is going to be probably one of the biggest battles you are going to face - partially because it's a new concept to them and involves a little more work. Just talk to them in depth about why you chose to do it. If the wipes bother you - don't send them. Just explain that tehy can harm the CDs (which I thought was the case). If not, maybe this is one of the battles you shouldn't pick and let them use the disposable wipes.
As for the milk, I would send just what H is eating right now but ditto libbyann - ALWAYS keep a stash of milk at their house (in the freezer) in case of an emergency, etc. They could spill a bottle, your DD might not eat in one of the sittings and it might get left out, etc. It's always good to have a backup plan in place when food is involved. But just explain that you're trying to get H onto a consistent schedule and so try to work with them on that. I know in the beginning my SIL kept a log of when DC slept, ate, etc so I could try to follow that same schedule on the weekends.
It's sometimes hard dealing with a family member because you don't want to hurt their feelings. But don't get too frustrated yet - it's going to be so wonderful for H to build this relationship with them!
For me, I've just learned to let some things go and have learned when to trust my SIL's opinion on some things. After all, these caregivers are in our baby's lives, in a lot of ways, more than we are. The hard thing is that when a family member watches your child is that sometimes it's more difficult to set boundaries than if you were to use a center or anotehr daycare provider. For me, the benefits outweigh a lot of the negatives and so I've just learned to really let some things roll off my sleeve. My child is in wonderful hands, as is yours, and who else is going to love H as much as her grandparents who get to spend this much time with her?
I hope it all works out for you - I know, it's so hard to go back to work and to put all of our trust in other people.
Good luck!
Ditto this. I have a spreadsheet that I print out for each kiddo that has 30 minute increments throughout the day charted off. I just write down what happened at each time - how man oz. eaten, wet/dirty diaper, sleep, playtimes, etc. It helps ME so much because I don't forget to do diaper changes or anything like that. I can email you the sheet if you'd like.
That would be great! Do you still have my email address?