Baby shower for #2?

shandleyb

So, question...the girls are insisting on throwing me a baby shower for numero dos, i feel kind of silly having one so close to my last one...BUT, since this one is a boy and we previously had a girl, I'm ok with it as long as gifts are just little boy cute stuff and nothing big / expensive (and I am not registering anywhere).  That said - would it be innappropriate to just meet at a favorite brunch spot and ask that guests pay for their own brunch?  One of the girls helping with planning is insisting that this is rude and we HAVE to have the shower at someone's house where lunch is provided and have favors / games blah blah blah etc. which is exactly what I don't want.  I feel like meeting at a restaurant for a casual girls lunch is just way lower maint and sets a far more casual tone!

 Opinions? (And please don't ask why I am involved in all these discussions...I wish no one had asked me and just surprised me instead so I wouldn't have to worry about it!)

gobigblue

i would just tell whoever is throwing this shower that you feel very uncomfortable w/ the shower as it is.  insist on it being casual, no games, at a restaurant, etc.  i would just simply insist.

shandleyb

Oh, I did.  And the main planner is all for it as well.  But the "helpers" are saying it's super rude to ask people to pay for their own lunch at a baby shower - but seriously no one is going to foot the bill for 10 girls at brunch you know!  Is it awful for everyone to pay for their own?

jessr510

I don't think it's awful if they know they're expected to pay their way before they commit to going... They can always stay home... But I doubt anyone would!

Mama Jan

I had a second shower, I don't see anything wrong with it!  I see it as celebrating the baby!  I can't imagine saying "Sorry kiddo #2, you just weren't as special..."

Yes, have the shower BUT don't ask your guests to pay... I do think that's rude. 

Ciconrad

I don't think either situation is rude as long as people would know upfront that they are paying for their own meal.  Honestly, I would stay out of the planning and let the people wanting to do this for you make the decisons. 

lep712

I've been so several showers for coworkers at restaurants where we are expected to pay our own way.  The first time I didn't realize that was what was going to happen, and I thought it was tacky.  Since then, invitations have said, "Separate checks will be available."  I still think it's somewhat tacky, but at least you know ahead of time if expected to pay.

sunrei

My friends are having a baby "sprinkle" for me at a restaurant this weekend. I think it's perfectly fine to celebrate a second baby no matter how close in age they were born. We are expecting a different gender so maybe that makes a difference but this gathering will be more low key than my shower was in 2008 and they are providing cake and drinks but if a meal is wanted the guest will have to take care of on their own. This info was included on the invite.

tommygirl03

It is terribly tacky to ask your friends to pay for their own meal at a shower.  Have it at someone's home, or the hostess pays @ the restaurant.  You're already asking them to buy you a present, the least that can be done is to give them some food.

CaitlinJ22

we had a litle GTG for a friends 2nd baby, we told her we were going to have lunch-and when she got there we have balloons and a gift for her from all of us. So that time we all paid our own. 

My friends are now wanting to have a shower for me and I feel weird too. I think sending out invites for a shower at a restaurant means no one pays for themselves. I would do it at someones house and have it just finger foods in btwn meals.  

eaglesfan700

I personally am not a fan of 2nd showers in general and refused all offers of one. 

I also think it is incredibly rude to invite people to any type of party and ask them to pay.

moonfaerie

It's very tacky to invite someone to a shower and ask them to pay their own way on top of purchasing a gift. The person throwing the shower is responsible for paying for the food/refreshments/decorations/whatever. I would look down on an invitation that told me to pay my own way. If they can't afford to throw you a shower, they shouldn't do it. I would be totally embarassed if my friend or relative threw a shower for my and put the other guests out for money.

MarthaP18

tommygirl03:

It is terribly tacky to ask your friends to pay for their own meal at a shower.  Have it at someone's home, or the hostess pays @ the restaurant.  You're already asking them to buy you a present, the least that can be done is to give them some food.

Agreed. I think asking people to pay for food is tacky. They're expected to bring a gift and that's enough. I would much rather have finger food and soda at someone's house than a fancy restaurant meal I'd have to pay for myself at a shower. 

shandleyb

Hmm, thanks for the responses everyone - I'm just going to stay out of it and let the planners decide.  I've been to many a shower where I've paid my own way and never thought twice about it, even when bringing a small gift...but I get that some might find it tacky.  Thanks again!

ctana

eaglesfan700:

I personally am not a fan of 2nd showers in general and refused all offers of one. 

I also think it is incredibly rude to invite people to any type of party and ask them to pay.

8000% THIS.  Sorry, NOT a fan of 2nd showers, especially that close in age, no matter what genders babies are....

Little A's Mama

Could you have it be around 2 or 3 in the afternoon, and just have drinks and cake? That wouldnt be expensive for the hosts to do. No one would expect a full meal at that time of day. Just a thought.

shandleyb

I appreciate those of you who actually answered the question honestly rather than slamming me for taking my girlfriends up on their offer to throw me shower (or a sprinkle - I like that!).  Honestly, there were a few responses here that were downright rude - do you really think I'm a tacky person for saying "thank you that would be lovely" to the 5 friends who repeatedly offered and reassured me that they were all super excited to celebrate this baby as well?  Ha, don't answer that - I think I've learned my lesson about asking innocent questions on this board!!  

I'm pretty sure I'd be the rude one announcing to the hostess that she needs to pay for everyone's brunch...I'm not really sure if there is a way around this one since the hostess has made the decision that a restaurant is simple / easiest and it's not like I can tell her "p.s. now you're footing the bill". 

Anyway, I am sure it will all work out - thanks to some of the nicer ladies who didn't make me feel like a sh*thead for having a second shower!!

MrsGeek

ctana:

  Sorry, NOT a fan of 2nd showers, especially that close in age, no matter what genders babies are....

Why do people with babies who are years apart get to have all the fun?  I have just as many babies as they do, but because they are close together I can't have a party?  That's bull.

ctana

MrsGeek:

ctana:

  Sorry, NOT a fan of 2nd showers, especially that close in age, no matter what genders babies are....

Why do people with babies who are years apart get to have all the fun?  I have just as many babies as they do, but because they are close together I can't have a party?  That's bull.

Because it's tacky, that's why. If your babies are years apart, it's understandable that you would have perhaps gotten rid of a lot of baby gear from the older baby - so another shower is more understandable and acceptable. If you just had a baby a few years ago and had a shower for the first one, why on earth should you be showered again for the new baby?  Gifts to celebrate the new baby are one thing but a party held before the new baby is born is a SHOWER and a gift event.  It's tacky in my opinion. If you are chosing to have another child it's assumed you have the financial means to equip yourself to handle the new child.

And sorry, if friends are repeatedly asking to throw you a shower for the new baby, that's nice and all, but you COULD politely refuse, ask that you celebrate after the baby is born (a meet the baby party is fine) and be done with it. It's NOT rude to refuse, and trust me, no one will get their feelings hurt. Seriously.

If I were invited to a second shower for someone who had a baby only a few years ago, attended that shower, and was supposed to pay my way and gift a gift for #2, I'd have an issue with that.