Tantrums

amanda_holbird@hotmail.com

Ever since Friday, Jack (16 months) has had a tantrum every evening and they keep on getting worse.  I've noticed that the tantrums have been connected to being outside.  When it's time to come in, he flips his lid.  Yesterday was such a cold and rainy day and when we got home from work/daycare, and I got him out of the car and brought him in, and he had a major meltdown.

He throws himself on the floor and pushes himself around on his back.  He screams at the top of his lungs.  He'll also start pulling his hair or put his hand in his mouth like he's trying to pull his jaw off.  If anything is within arms reach, he'll grab it and throw it.  I've tried to ignore the tantrums or I've also tried to hold him, but all he wants to do is grab my hair or hit me.  Usually the only thing that calms him is to go outside and sit on the front porch for a few minutes.  When I take him back inside, he's fine.

Does anyone else have a child that has bad tantrums?  Ethan was never like this so this is all new to me.  I think the thing that bothers me the most is how he tries to pull his hair out.  Next time we are at his pedi, I'll get his opinion, too.

Kerrin

I would just continue to ignore it.  Set him down in a safe place and walk away.  I wouldn't take him outside or hold him.  It may take a few tries before it changes his behavior.

AshSchultz

Although I have no children for another 6 more weeks (smiles), I have been working in daycares and nannying for years... Working with a variety of children and different families.. Children with mental disabilities (some violent and hard to handle at times)

I have to say I agree with Kerrin. I would not take him outside (especially if that is what he is throwing his tantrum about).. You say he is fine when he comes back in, but that is more than likely because he got his way, to go outside. I definitely would not hold him, especially if he is trying to hit you or pull your hair.. that will just make you angry. And we all know anger is no good.

Just sit him somewhere safe..walk away and completely ignore it. Don't let him see it "getting" to you...

If it continues.. talk to your doctor.. there could be bigger issues that you don't even realize!!! Hope this helps!

This is just advice..

noyoucomehere

In the instance of rain and cold (and assuming he wasn't sick) I'd explain that it's cold and wet outside. If he goes outside, he'll get wet and being wet will eventually make him cold. If he insisted, I'd let him go. When he comes in wet and gets cold, I'd let him experience that natural consequence and make him stay in his wet clothes for a few minutes before asking him if he wanted to change. That's just me though. I give my kids a lot of power and let them experience the outcome of their decisions in the hopes that they'll learn from it.

In my experience with both Audrey and Ethan, I've come to realize that I can give them quite a bit of control and that letting them experience consequences of their decisions teaches them much faster than me just talking about it. The phases will end. They always do.

I know this isn't feasible in every instance. We have to carry on with our lives and set boundries. Sometimes, the answer is just no. Period. Obviously, we keep them safe. They know certain things are off limits, like the knife drawer, the line on the sidewalk separating it from the street, etc.

I hope that made some sense. I swear, I'm not a mad woman. I've just found what's working for us.

amanda_holbird@hotmail.com

Thanks ladies for the advice.

I talked to his teachers at daycare and they said that overall he's doing great there.

Since it was a beautiful afternoon I did let the boys play outside for about 30 minutes and when it was time to come in to fix dinner, he came in willingly.  

I think some of it has to do with his big brother, who is a typical big brother and likes to pick on him, take toys away, etc., and I think Jack is finally at that age where he is big enough to "fight" back so I think that has a little to do with it, too.

Next time he has a tantrum, I'll just leave him alone, but watch from a distance.

mislogis

completely normal, and I wish I could say they become far and few between, but they dont. Kids, especially around that age and up to 4-5 have melt downs. My 3yo does the exact same thing, hand in mouth, throwing things etc.  I let her calm down, on her own.

We have a screaming porch. I out her out in it and let her scream and she knocks when she is ready to come in. There is nothing to hurt her out there, she cant get out, and in the winter- its COLD b/c its not heated. So she blows off steam and eventually comes around. When they get to that point of frustration, there is no reasoning with them verbally. They also do it for the attention so walking away, or putting them in their room and letting them scream alone, works. They see no one is paying attention so they do stop most of the time (not always) 

Good luck, Trust me I know how hard it is when they have them, and I feel like such  BAD mom some days.I have been so upset I just have to walk away. I usually dont recommend books, but I did like "Happiest Toddler on the Block"  He has some really good advice and I can say it does work/help.