Secret?

Serendipity2008

My husband and I are thinking about TTC...possibly starting late this fall/early winter.

My family is from the midwest and my husband and I just moved to the east coast.  We're going to be here for awhile.  At least a couple years.  After that, who knows?  We're pretty much living where the jobs/money are/is. 

My mom is paranoid I'm going to get pregnant while living so far away.  She wants to be around when I'm pregnant to help, answer questions "not be a stranger to your babies" - which all makes perfect sense to me and it would be great!  However, my husband and I both feel like this is the right time in our lives to have a baby.  We don't want to wait till we're living closer because we don't know when that will be!  We could be moving to the west coast next, or south to Texas (where he's from).  Now that we're thinking about TTC I'd love to share the experience with my mom.  We're really close...except I know she'd 'frown' on the idea since she's so far away.  This is such an exciting experience in our lives and I feel like I have to keep it a secret and when we DO get pregnant say it was an accident.  It's just not right...

 Any words of wisdom?  I don't want to hurt my mom's feelings, but I hate to lie and say that our conception was a 'whoops!'

Anyone else have this issue?

Hyfagal

She may not be happy about the decision but in the end it is your decision. I think if you're as close as you say she'll enjoy being involved in any way she can even if it's just through the phone or emails.

mchupie

Hello there.  I could have written this post.  I am in Wisconsin, have been here for 3 years.  My entire family is in Massachusetts and we are very close (my Mom is my best friend).  Luckily, DH only has 1.5 more years in Grad School here, but we really hope to have a baby before we leave. 

My Mom has told me that it will be difficult for her to be so far away when we have a baby, but she understands that this is our life and our choice.  Feel free to PM me if you'd ever like to talk about it.

lmj8284

you're a grown up.  make the decisions that are right for your family.  if you ready to have a baby now then by all means, start trying:)  good luck to you!

lesullenger

I know what you are going thru in a way me and my mom are really close and I live in Utah her in Michigan. However, you have phones and emails, its not the same but if you guys are ready your ready. What if you dont move back? How long are you going to wait for your MOM!?!?! This is your decision not hers and she needs to know that and you should have to at any timel lie about your pregnacy.. it should be a happy time not a sad one.

LnR70707

If your mother's feelings are hurt by you living your own life, she needs counseling.  Don't put TTC on hold just because of her, I'm sure she will understand.  There is no reason to lie, if you get pregnant right away just tell her you didn't think it would happen that fast.  It could be months before you are KU.  I didn't tell my mother we were TTC at all until we found out I needed surgery (after a year of TTC).

Ricola

I think you should tell your mum about you starting ttc if it is important to you that you can talk about it with her. She might be disappointed first, cause she is not near you, but I am sure her excitement will take over after a couple days. You have to live your life how you feel it's right and not make it depend on your mum. Tell her to move to your city if she wants to be near and is pissed off for some reason.

My family lives 5000 miles away from us and neither of us will not be moving anytime soon. My mum wants nothing more than being around her grandchildren. Sadly that's not going to happen, but we will skype a lot and make sure to send lots of pictures and stuff to make it as easy for both sides as possible.

amor_eterno

I understand wanting to be close to your mom, but you also have to think about what's best for you and YH. If this is a good time for you and him to TTC, then I'd make that my priority. Everyone is always going to have an opinion on what you should do, but in reality this is a decision for a couple to make according to what suits them better. GL!

Jessiac_3

I don't think you'll need to lie to your Mom.  If you want her to know you are TTC, let her know!  Communication is so easy now...cell phones, skype, webcams, facebook, twitter...she will still be able to be involved.  You can always decide to move later on (or she might move to be closer to you!)

GL!

Serendipity2008

Thanks for the input ladies!  Y'all are fast!!!

Just to clarify:  We ARE going to TTC...my mom's opinion is NOT dictating that - it's the fact that we are and I'm concerned about her reaction.

I definitely agree that technology is a major bonus these days.  That should help a ton!!!  I'll remember to remind her of that when I tell her.   

It's going to be a joyous time in our lives and I'm not about to let my mom bring us down or make me feel guilty. 

Thanks for the confidence!

voeux

My parents live a different country, but that hasn't stopped my mum from being super supportive of us having kids.  She is looking forward to retirement when she can visit more often, but for now she is content with Skype. 

staycee

Serendipity2008:

 Any words of wisdom?  I don't want to hurt my mom's feelings, but I hate to lie and say that our conception was a 'whoops!'

 

why don't you just be honest with her about your reasonings (as you listed above).   She may not like it at first, but she can also have time to save up for airfare for all the trips to visit the grandbaby when it arrives.

alisonjoy80

lmj8284:

you're a grown up.  make the decisions that are right for your family.  if you ready to have a baby now then by all means, start trying:)  good luck to you!

Totally agree with this. Your mom is going to be happy you're having a baby anyway, regardless of where you're living.

MissLadyTay

I'm late to the party, but I'll add in because this is very similar to my situation.  Except that the chances of us ever living near my parents again are very slim with the way our lives and jobs are going.  They are in the Midwest, and we are East Coast.  My in laws are a lot closer to us, and I know my mother is insanely jealous that if/when we have a baby (though she has no idea we are TTC and it's going to stay that way) my MIL will be closer than she is. 

 There's nothing I can do about it, so I just don't think about it.  I'll encourage my mom to visit, etc. but life is the way it is.  I also think we'll make extra effort to spend Christmases with my family in our child's early years, to balance out the fact that my in-laws will get more time on a day-to-day basis.  Maybe that would soothe your mom?

heehee611

I live in VA and all my family is in NY, and it was hard for my mom to have me so far away.  But you have to do what's best for you and your husband!  It's more work, but when you live away from your family you just have to make more of an effort so that your kids know their grandparents.  I try to go home at least twice a year, and my family comes down here a couple times a year too.  Do what is best for YOU.