I need guidance :(

MrsJax09

I'm a 1st time mom who never thought I would have kids in the 1st place, but now that L is here I know my job in life now is to love and protect her. Well I think in the 2 1/2 weeks she has been here I have been doing it wrong because it is at the expense of my health.

I can't bring myself to let LO just cry. Instead I find myself almost running to her at each whimper of "I dropped my paci", to "I'm hungry" to "i'm bored", etc. Just recently I put her in her bassinet so I could use the restroom and she starts losing it because I am not holding her (another issue). I am literally in the bathroom feeling the need to apologize to LO and yelling to her that it's ok & I will be back in a minute.

It was at that moment that I just took note of this past week and I realized if I had had 2 square meals a day it is a good day. Because LO is taking so much time (esp w/ DH back at work) I am putting my needs last to everything. I know this is probably something I am going to have to work through, but do you let LO just cry sometimes? How long did it take you to get to this point?

Any tips, thoughts, guidance is appreciated.

jkfranklin

It does get better, but there are a lot of things that just get half done when you have a little one.  Eating, showering, pooping...  I've learned that there is a difference between fussing and crying.  Sometimes babies have to fuss and it's okay for a little while, but crying means they really need something.  So fussing means finish up in the bathroom, crying means drop what you're doing.

pintpo

Babies that young need to be held a lot.  I highly recommend  wearing her in a sling.  I would not recommend letting her cry more that a min or two though-long enough to go pee real quick or grab a snack.  Right now you are establishing your bond with her and she is needs you to be there.  You are doing a great job just keep at it.  It will get better I promise! 

If you need more advice, feel free to PM me.  I have been dealing with those same things and would love to share what I have learned.

Danikat15

I'll probably get flamed for this.  I've learned that there is a difference between fussing and crying.  Do I let LO fuss on her own? Yes.  If she drops her binky, she'll fuss for a moment and then usually just falls asleep or quiets down on her own.  I don't come running every time she fusses.  I usually give her a few moments and if she doesn't settle down, then I soothe her.

Do I let her cry for an extended period of time?  No.  When she's crying, she needs something.  There's a difference between the "I'm hungry!" and "I want to be held!" cry, at least for my LO.  I come running for the "I'm hungry!".

superaunt

I think that putting your child's needs in front of your own is what parenthood is all about so I don't think what you're doing sounds so bad, personally. Your baby is just 2 weeks old and needs you so much right now. I'm not saying you should neglect yourself (if you have to pee, you have to pee - just make sure baby's in a safe place when you leave her) but the first month or so is tough for us all ... but once you get the hang of it all, you'll be able to figure out when you can eat and have you time.

Sounds like you're doing a great job. Keep it up and don't be so tough on yourself.

kelbel527

Having a new baby is hard and it does get easier.  It sounds like you're doing everything you can.  A few things I found that helped:

1. Planning ahead - I found that I wasn't eating much and starving when I missed breakfast.  So I started bringing a food to bed with me.  Then when I woke up in the morning I had something to snack on.

2. Take time for yourself.  Now that DS is older, I am taking one night a week to myself and try to get out of the house.  When he was younger, I didn't leave the house, but told DH to be in charge for the night, and I escaped to a bath and book.

3. Don't stress if the house isn't clean or the laundry isn't done.  If you have family willing to help with these things, take them up on it.  Right now, you're attending to her needs and then your own, every thing else comes later.

GL and hang in there, it's tough!

gunsofbrixton

First lots of hugs your way! I have been doing the same exact thing but at 5 weeks it has gotten better! I was lucky to at at all some days  and when i did i had to hurry because DS was waking up or i didnt feel like eating it at all...I have had the bathroom issue happen multiple times and I look at it as this is him learning that mommy cant come running at every shut off of the seahorse or ever drop of the binky...the best advice i can give you is to eat when you first put little one down for a nap, if you can which i know i dont take this advice at all, but nap when hes asleep...i have had a few meltdowns because i havent gotten any sleep and its no good for you or for the baby...its not going to hurt the LO to fuss for a little bit, im not saying CIO but a little crying isnt going to hurt...i hope it gets better soon for you but it will get better...GL!

ELPB

I've always let DD fuss it out, but not cry it out. She has had some super-clingy days, and I have had to wait for DH to get home and get myself taken care of. I went without eating too, and with BF'ing... it ended up making me really sick- TWICE. First, always try to keep a glass of water/juice with you, and drink all day long. That is super important. Secondly, meals aren't always an option, so invest some money in quick things to grab like bananas and granola bars and such. Me, I spent my first few weeks eating poptarts... seriously...

It does get easier...

grapeape73

It does get better I swear to you.  I premake as much as I can for meals for myself.  I also eat while bfing.  It isn't the cleanest, and I have been known to pick food off of LO and still eat it, but it works. 

I know in the beginning you feel like you are on a time clock to do everything because it always feels like countdown to crying, but it does get better, I swear.

MrsJax09

Thanks everyone and sorry it took me so long to get back on it. I am glad to hear it gets better and I feel bad but I so can't wait for that day. I am about to become exclusively formula feed because LO wont even give me 20 minutes here and there to pump. Maybe exhaustion is just getting the best of me, but it is all very overwhelming. Even now she is froggy on my chest as I 1 hand type.

I will try the suggestions though and hopefully it will work for me. Especially with pumping I know not eating will only make the supply that much worse off, so I am trying to break the negative cycle. 

Thank you again.

MrsJax09

Thanks everyone and sorry it took me so long to get back on it. I am glad to hear it gets better and I feel bad but I so can't wait for that day. I am about to become exclusively formula feed because LO wont even give me 20 minutes here and there to pump. Maybe exhaustion is just getting the best of me, but it is all very overwhelming. Even now she is froggy on my chest as I 1 hand type.

I will try the suggestions though and hopefully it will work for me. Especially with pumping I know not eating will only make the supply that much worse off, so I am trying to break the negative cycle. 

Thank you again.

Dr.Loretta

Welcome to motherhood.

If she cried while you're in the bathroom, it's going to be OK. You're not neglecting her. Our DD cries while we warm her bottle (which takes a few minutes) and when I put her down after a diaper change to clean up and wash my hands. It's fine.

You'll start to get into more of a routine as far as eating and personal hygiene. Some days will be tough and you won't shower until 7pm. Some will be easier, and she'll sleep for an hour or so and you can get a shower and lunch in. Some days you'll readjust your eating schedule so breakfast is at 10 and lunch is at 2, but it at least happens. And you'll figure out how to cuddle her and eat a granola bar at the same time.

Hang in there.

kdiaisfly

No, I don't let my son cry unless I can't possibly get to him (like when I'm driving). But then again, my baby won't cry if I set him down, he isn't too needy.