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Parenting
How much do you do in a day? (long DH vent)
My DH feels that since I SAH, that I should be in the house at all times. I do take DD to a co-op preschool program 2x per week (I attend w/ her). Usually, I will take her to a park or maybe have a friend over once a week (for 2 hrs. or so)
It has been raining here for 2 days. DD is getting cabin fever, so I invited a friend to come over this afternoon (2-4pm). Before the friend came, I had scrubbed our dining room floor by hand (cream colored tile), scrubbed a bathroom by hand, made 2 beds, washed, folded and put away 3 loads of laundry, vacummed the whole house, showed, worked on ebay (I am a power seller, usually 4-5 orders a day), took out the trash and put together DD's train table all before 2pm.
DH says that I am a slacker. Am I? Is this a reasonable amount of work to do in a day? (I felt good about today's accomplishments) DO you do more or less than this?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How much do you do in a day? (long DH vent)
Kelly Monaghan's 5K - 5/15/11 - 3rd Place in AG
Walk the Talk 5K - 5/18/11 - 31:12 PR
Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/14/12 - 1st race of the year, 32:45
This! Your DH is out of his mind. Does he have any specific complaints, or is he just saying you are a slacker because you are home?
This.
I feel that way to! I don't think that I am a slacker, but I feel like I get kicked in the gut when that's the comment I get. He doesn't get how much time raising DD takes (he is more hands off than hands on)
He does work a stressful job (self employed service business). I appreciate that he works hard. I need to figure out a way to make him understand that my "work" is challenging also.
I am a slacker because DD had a friend over. He says my day is like playtime...I don't do enough.
Leave him home with DD on a Saturday. Leave for the entire day. And see how much HE gets done, trying to take care of a baby and the house all at once.
I guarantee he would see things in a different perspective...
Oh lord, I would seriously kick DH in the ass if he had that attitude. DS and I are out all day - parks, playdates, the gym, classes... Has your DH every been to a class or a playdate with your DC? My DH has, and it scares him - LOL. He is glad he doesn't deal with that insanity,
Oooookay. So your child isn't allowed to play? That's what kids DO. They PLAY. That's how they learn. And having another kid over isn't exactly easy.
I agree, that was a jerky comment to make.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
DH has never taken her to a playdate. He went to school w/ her once this year for Dad's day. Most of the time (almost always) I have to hire a sitter if I want to go someplace w/ out DD. The times he does watch DD, he calls it babysitting and makes a huge deal out of it. I don't have any family nearby (1500 miles away) Then, I get grief that I have to pay someone to stay w/ DD. I can't win!
I'm sorry, but your husband sounds like a class A douchebag. And like not much of a father on top of that.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
Ummm he sounds like a real winner. As far as whether I do more or less that's really not relevant. Your husband is being a prick.
This is what I want to know.
I think I would kick my DH square in the nads if he ever called me a "slacker".
Um. Yeah. Parents don't "babysit" their own children. That's called being a parent.
Somedays are better than others. He is in more of a mood than usual. (he tends to be moody) He told me before that he wanted to "get rid of me". Whatever dude. He's hiding in the bedroom playing his Xbox.
Time to talk to a third party! yikes! That is NOT normal or acceptable.
Your DC is almost 4 and your DH hasn't taken her on a playdate or somewhere like the museum on his own???
First off ((hugs)) - we have family really far away as well and it is hard. I can only imagine how much harder it is having your DH be unsupportive.
Secondly, from what you have said he is really not acting in an appropriate manner, as a father or as a husband. It sounds like he is controlling and not really experiencing the joy of being a father. Has he always been like this? Is he maybe stressed out because of his job? (NOT that it would be an excuse). You really need to talk to him.
Not to jump to conclusions from these one or two comments but you need to make sure he treats you and talks to you better. You don't want your daughter seeing her DB father treat you like dirt. Do you respond to his assinine and unfair comments?
BTW, I'm really sorry
Uh...woah. If DH said something like that or behaved in that matter he would certainly be rid of me. I would be out the door with DC so fast his head would spin.
Agreed.
Today I got up, fed the baby, finished a transcription assignment, attended a board meeting for the non for profit I work with, took a nap with the baby, and went to Costco.
A Pocket Full Of Dinosaurs
I think I might actually be speechless.
a) he's a grade-A jackass for calling you a slacker
b) I'd be telling him I'd get rid of HIM, and hope he enjoyed paying significant amounts of child support.
Honestly, most days our house is a mess unless Jackson takes a nap. My job is not the maid, housekeeper or cook - it's being Jackson's mom. And if my husband ever suggested that I wasn't doing enough, he'd be lucky if he escaped fully intact.
ok having read the update I'm even more confused. Do you really not know that this is abusive? Did you grow up like this or something?
I really hope you can find some help.
Kelly Monaghan's 5K - 5/15/11 - 3rd Place in AG
Walk the Talk 5K - 5/18/11 - 31:12 PR
Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/14/12 - 1st race of the year, 32:45
My job is not the maid, housekeeper or cook - it's being Jackson's mom.
This. Except my kids aren't named Jackson. My husband has come out with some stupid things before along these lines. He's learned his lesson. In fact, our next door neighbor, who has 4 kids, told him this before our first was born, "Never walk in the door and ask 'What's for dinner?'" It's very good advice.
Good luck. You're not his servant. Remember that.
I have thought about leaving. Where I live, the unemployment is above 13%. I would go back east if I could. It is so hard. Things have gone downhill since DD was born. I think it is hard for him to realize that he isn't first. We worked together and really had good times. He has a horrible time dealing w/ stress.
We have 2 sitters now, so we can get out 1 or 2 times a month. We have not made our realtionship a priority. I feel disconected from him.
You are not his servant, you are his partner. Calling you a slacker is no different than trying to pick a fight.
What I or any other person does in a day is irrelevant.
Being a SAH mom means (to me) being the primary 9-5 caregiver of the child/ren. All the rest of it should be agreed upon and split up equitably.
My husband would be sleeping on the couch if he said that to me...after I kicked him in the crotch. I was home for 2 days while dd was sick this week. You know what I managed to get done? I washed the sheets she puked on...that's it.
I had an ex like that. And I often think about how bad life would have been if I stayed with him. Seriously.
(((hugs))) He's emotionally abusing you. You and your daughter deserve better. His behavior is not acceptable. I'm not saying you should dump the mother f*cker (yet) but I am saying you need to get to a therapist asap. It is probably best if you each go to individual therapy and couples therapy.
Think of it this way, do you want your daughter to think this is how men should treat women? Do you want her to be treated this way?
I agree with everything everyone else has said. On top of that, I don't think anyone mentioned this, I would have an EXTREMELY hard time with someone not "allowing" my DD to have a PLAYDATE but it's okay for him to be holed up playing XBOX like a ten year old? Seems sort of backwards to me. He has a lot of growing up to do, IMO. And if someone ever said they wanted to "get rid of me" they wouldn't have to. I'd be gone.
Hugs to you!
Yes, what everyone else has said.
Instead of playing on his xbox, he should be spending time with his family. Or, maybe he can scrub the floors by hand.
Regardless, you know he's treating you poorly and even if you're okay with it, your daughter is learning how to be abused and you need to do something to prevent it.
Go to counseling would be a great first step.
FWIW, I give myself pretty high standards for cleaning and cooking, drycleaning drop off, paying bills, grocery shopping (which is now delivered, natch), but some days I don't do squat and MH would never dream of saying a bad word.
In fact, when he comes home and the place is a wreck and there's no dinner, he goes to buy dinner and says "Wow, you've have a rough day, what can I do?".
Luck.
Me with my littlest.