Bonding with one twin more

clallread@gmail.com

 

My twins were born healthy but a little early at 36 weeks. When I got to the hospital I was diagnosed with pre-eclampcia and put on mag despite having no previous symptoms. I had an easy natural labor and delivery but was really sick for the first 18 hours after the birth because the continued mag reached toxic levels. Due to this I had trouble bonding to either baby at first and then soon found myself bonding to one twin more then the other. They are identical boys but born a pound apart at 5 and 6 pounds.

 

My mom has been around to help out a lot and while I am drawn to the heavier twin my mom is more attached to the lighter one. We each care for our more bonded baby and I think that it is compounding the problem.

 

Is anyone else having bonding issues? 

 

 

 

courtneyaok

DH had a stronger bond with DD, and I had a stronger bond with DS for a long time.  Then, all of a sudden . . . it evened out.  Give it time.  It'll work itself out!

Temp159135562506975

lol at your siggy - 50 weeks pg! yikes! that is a thought!

It's normal  - don't worry - bonding with newborns isn't always as we think it will be.  I had lots of worries that i was bonding more with Gray b/c he gave a lot more eye contact than Gibby - i felt like I didn't really "know" gibby but that i knew gray really well- and it made me feel horrible.

Eventually Gibby came around and interacted a lot more... and for a period I worried that I was more bonded with him! 

Now- I'll hold one and be having so much fun with him I think "I think I love this one more! I'm such a bad mommy!" then I'll pick the other one up and think the same thing   I just have SOOO much love pouring out when i'm interacting with them- it's just the way it feels.... and forget how I feel about my 3y/o - it's even worse --- just so much love it's hard to understand it all.

how old are they? do they smile yet? I know I didn't feel that bonded until they started to smile- because before that I often felt like they didn't like me b/c it's just not normal to be with another human 24/7 and not have them smile ever!

lisa&andy

For us, we bonded with DD much more in the beginning, DS was in NICU for 26 days and it was hard to spend time with him and then feeling guilty about leaving her. Even when he came home, I still felt more bonded with DD; I actively tried to spend more time with DS and learn his quirks and that has helped me bond more with him. It wasn't immediate and it took time, it seemed to help when it was just me and the kids and I had to focus on both kids.

macchiatto

I had a similar experience and I've heard other MoMs say the same thing. It's not uncommon. I think it's good to just be mindful of it and to make extra efforts to bond with the baby you feel less close to. But it is normal to not feel exactly the same way about each baby.

DESXF

I am having a very similar experience.  I too developed severe pre-e and was on the mag sulfate for 3 days after delivery   It was NOT fun.  The babies spent most of the time sleeping in the basinette next to my bed (while I slept) or in the nursery.  I was so sick, I couldn't even pick them up by myself for the first 2 days, and even then, I was so dizzy and foggy, I didn't know what I was doing half the time.  I ended up staying in the hospital for a week due to BP issues.

Now that we have been home for 6 weeks, I am still trying to bond with them.  Lily is so fussy and colicky, and it has been hard to deal with that.  Then poor Noah gets the short end of the stick, since I'm so busy dealing with Lily.  The minute I pick him up to cuddle, Lily starts wailing and I have to tend to her.  Plus I have a 2 1/2 year old at home too that wants my attention.  I'ts been tough.

I have just begged everyone I know for help.  I'm going to try to line up friends and/or family members to come and watch one of the babies while I spend time with the other, then I'll switch.  And sometimes bonding just takes time.  I wasn't fully bonded to my singleton son until around 3 months, and it was JUST me and him.

I hear it does really start to get easier around 3-4 months, so I'm looking forward to that. Hang in there!!

mlgd

In some ways I feel like I've bonded a little more/better with DS. DD is a more demanding and fussier baby; DS is really easy, and is a lot like their older brother (who, obviously, I've already known and loved for 2+ years.) At first I was feeling extremely guilty about feeling this way, but I think it's pretty common when you have multiples. And I imagine that things will even out when things get a little easier.  

jbl126

I always worry I am bonding with one more than the other.  But eventually it all evens out.  For the longest time I feel like I bonded with Lauryn more.  I think it was because I felt like she needed me more.  Then I went through the Ava bonding phase.  I guess it all evens out at some point.

kimarino13

I feel this way, too.  Lily was smaller at birth and a bit more needy.  I always ended up feeding her and doing more skin-to-skin with her since she liked it more than Sophia.  As a result, MH is definitely bonded to Sophia more.  I am hoping it'll even out soon.

jenn2929

I had a very similar story.  I had pre-e and went on Mag.  The kids were born early and went to the NICU right away.  I didn't even get to see them for 24 hours b/c I was on the mag.  DD spent 2 1/2 weeks in the NICU and DS 3 weeks.  I def felt more bonded to DD as she went to the breast almost right away and he never has.  He also has reflux and is a much fussier baby.  In addition she has recenetly started to smile and he hasn't yet.  With that being said DH feels much closer to DS.  I do feel guilty about it but also know that there will be a time when DS and I will bond more fully.