kinda random re: our "friends"

flymansWife

we have these friends. we used to hang out with them weekly... really close friends or so we thought. but they were always a bit flaky and DH and I got sick of it so we basically stopped calling, and ya know what? they never called... well its been about a year and  half now since we've hung out with them.

ran into the wife a couple months ago at Target. kinda awkward but we caught up a bit. oh so they had another child but apparently that didn't warrant picking up the phone. two weeks ago we ran into the husband at Academy. talked for about an hour. he expressed how much they missed us, said he's managing a new store in town that was about to open and he'd send an invite.(he followed up after the run-in with a FB message to say how nice it was to see us).

i just saw the pictures of said event on FB. no invite came. WTH? am i just clueless??? i mean they have *four* children (under the age of 5).  am i expecting too much of them to follow through? or are they just rude?

DH wants to be done with them but I miss them and their kids. i should probably delete them from FB and be done with it but i miss them but i keep getting my feelings hurt   part of me wants to call and be like seriously WTH (particularly about having another child. we were the first ones to the hospital to meet their twins. we were the only friends along with family at their kids' bday parties)? but it feels like too much time has passed and DH doesn't want me to but it BUGS me. i probably just need to get over it.

i don't know... i'm just kinda thinking out loud, not sure if this even makes sense. sigh. 

Nessia

Honestly don't be too offended. Four under Five is rough. I barely keep stuff together with two.

balihaigirl

honestly, before i was a mom i would have said to delete them and move on.  but now, since i am a mom i now realize how hard it is to balance a family and friendships.  i have some friends i have not seen at all since having ds.  it's HARD.  i would not delete them as friends - especially if you miss them.  having 4 kids under the age of 5 - yeah, they probably almost NEVER get out.  at all.  i wouldn't take it personally and keep the facebook relationship alive and just realize they are busy these days.  maybe send them messages when you can, express interest in getting together and wait for them to bite.

sorry though, i know it's hard. 

flymansWife

the thing is they had three when we were hanging out weekly. we usually went over to their house cause it was easier on the kids' schedules and that was fine by us...

i don't know. i just don't get what suddenly changed i guess

ali-1411

I disagree, I think they are rude.  Just because you have kids doesn't give you a free pass to ignore people.  We have friends with 3 kids under 3 and I talk to her all the time, even if its just a quick message on Facebook.  I have friends with 5 kids and they have a more active social life than we do 

ndluvsrk

I agree with Ali. They told you about the event and should have followed through and sent the invite. Especially if they say they miss you and want to re-invest in the relationship.

I think you should talk to them about it if it's really bothering you.

From my perspective, I'm guilty of not reaching out to my friends who don't have children as much because I don't want them to have to plan their events/schedules around my kids or don't want them to feel like they always have to come to our house, even if they seem willing to do so. For us, the main problem though is that the friends who don't have kids are either experiencing IF or they're never going to have children. So, I don't know why they keep excluding you. I think you're sweet and if you lived in town, I'd hang out with ya! :-)

 

libbyann

I also agree with Ali. Yeah, it's tough having kids and maintaining relationships. But it's a part of life. You've gotta figure out what works for you and do it. We still regularly see our friends, even though we have Will added to the mix. IMO it's totally rude to tell someone they'll be invited to a party and then not follow through with that. I'd probably call and ask if I'd done something to hurt their feelings and if they act confused, tell them everything you said in this post. You do NOT deserve to be treated that way!

txbabs111

ndluvsrk:

I agree with Ali. They told you about the event and should have followed through and sent the invite. Especially if they say they miss you and want to re-invest in the relationship.

I think you should talk to them about it if it's really bothering you.

I agree with this. It's not as though they had to go out of their way to get together with you. They were already having the party and just had to invite you. The effort that takes is extremely minimal (I mean the effort to invite you and DH, not the whole party).