am I prying or do I have a right to know (nanny)?

heybabe

background: We love, love our nanny. She is fantastic with the boys, sweet, helpful, reliable, punctual, fun, etc, etc. She's worked for us for 3 months now and it has gone GREAT. She was DS1's caregiver when he was in the 12-24mo room at daycare so we've 'known' her for 1.5 years prior to hiring her. I did a background check when we hired her and nothing came up.

She just asked DH if she could leave early on a certain day b/c she has "a court date."  When DH told me, I asked what the court date is about?  He said he didn't ask b/c she didn't offer any more info & he felt uncomfortable asking. I shouldn't feel bad about asking her, right? She is caring for my children, so I have a right to know, right?  Those are kind of rhetorical. Why do I feel so uncomfy bringing it up & asking her? Ugh.

EMTX

Ooh, tough one. I don't know what I'd do - I would probably ask.

I'm sure it is nothing, she wouldn't have mentioned it so casually if it were anything to worry about. Probably a parking ticket or registration issue.

labbielover07

You could just ask her if everything is ok... keep it simple.  More than likely it's for a ticket or something.

ndluvsrk

I think you can ask her whatever you want, but she has the right not to answer. :-)

I guess it depends on your relationship with her. In our case, if our nanny said that to my DH, I'd come back and casually mention it to her. 'So, DH told me that you have to leave early on this_day for a court date. Is everything ok? Anything I should be concerned about?'

Seriously, if it was something that was totally out of line, I don't think she'd have said 'court date'. I think she would have said 'appointment' or 'meeting' or something less eyebrow raising, no?

balihaigirl

i wouldn't ask.  if she didn't disclose the info up front than she probably doesn't want to share. 

it could be a lot of things.  the bottom line is that you have already done a background check, you trust her with your children and she trusts you enough to let you know that she has this court date.  if it was a big deal she would have come up with some other excuse, imho. 

i look at it like this - if you had something going on that required a court date would you tell your boss the whole spiel about what it is for, etc?  

court dates can involve a divorce, separation, traffic, etc.

ssinca

food for thought:  I'm thinking if it was for something really bad, she would have said she had a doctor's appt or something else?  or at least I think that's what I would do...I'd be mortified to say the least if I had to go to court for a huge issue.

ssinca

ndluvsrk:

Seriously, if it was something that was totally out of line, I don't think she'd have said 'court date'. I think she would have said 'appointment' or 'meeting' or something less eyebrow raising, no?

great minds think alike.

Duckie07

I bet if it was something major, you'd probably already know about it.  But, if you really want to find out, perhaps you could just bring it up casually/jokingly.

"DH mentioned you have a court date.  My lead foot has gotten me a speeding ticket a time or two as well."

Then, maybe she'll offer up why she's going to court.  "Yup, gotta clear up that speeding ticket,"  or  "Actually, I forgot to pay a parking ticket I got a while back,"  or whatever the reason is for her trip to court. 

If you really feel it's something that might put your children in danger or is an offense worth firing her, then I would just ask.  "DH mentioned you have a court date.  Is there anything we need to know?"

Duckie07

ndluvsrk:

Seriously, if it was something that was totally out of line, I don't think she'd have said 'court date'. I think she would have said 'appointment' or 'meeting' or something less eyebrow raising, no?

True.

Temp13436125005166

ndluvsrk:

I guess it depends on your relationship with her. In our case, if our nanny said that to my DH, I'd come back and casually mention it to her. 'So, DH told me that you have to leave early on this_day for a court date. Is everything ok? Anything I should be concerned about?'

I'd probably say the same thing.  We have a very open relationship with our nanny so I don't feel uncomfortable asking her stuff though. 

MrsBeckO

Ditto ndk and ssinca. If it was anything major, I doubt she would have said "court date". 

 As a nanny, if I said I had a court date, I would not be at all surprised or put off by my bosses asking me what it was for. I am caring for their most prized possessions in their home every single day, they have a right to know as much about me as they need to in order to feel secure in their choice to hire me. Of course I have the right to say "I'm not comfortable sharing this with you" but it makes total sense to be concerned about what that court date is for. Go ahead and ask.. in a non-confrontational way. 

MrsHoyt

I can look it up for you if its in Travis County.

You can email me the name if you want me to look.  mslisahoyt at gmail

heybabe

MrsHoyt:

I can look it up for you if its in Travis County.

You can email me the name if you want me to look.  mslisahoyt at gmail

I would feel so sneaky going behind her back instead of just asking her. I think I'll casually ask her like some suggested & see what she says. Thus far, we have had a pretty open relationship and I do trust her so I think (hope) she'll be honest with me and it will be something small/inconsequential. Thank you though! If for some reason I change my mind, I'll let you know.

ssinca

nosy nelly (i.e. me) is curious about this, too...will you update us if you find out?  pretty please?

MrsHoyt

OK, no problem.  Its on the internet, free and open for all to see, so its not all that sneaky.

https://www.co.travis.tx.us/courts/files/dockets/dockets_Criminal.asp

You would click on Criminal Settings by Defendant.

heybabe

ssinca:

nosy nelly (i.e. me) is curious about this, too...will you update us if you find out?  pretty please?

haha, yes.